Moms trying to orchestrate their kids social standing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

Everyone tries to pass what they know onto their child. These moms understand social networking well. They are trying to teach it to their kids.

In time or perhaps already, you as a mom with a job and a career outside your home will pass on those skills to your children, to the best of your ability. And just as you would be disappointed if your children turn out to be indifferent students or ambition-less adults, those moms would be sad if their kids matured into socially awkward adults who cannot make the "right" connections.

And THIS is exactly who you want to avoid, OP - desperate strivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd buy this story if you were talking 2 grade and above, but not K or 1st.

It’s the mom’s doing it, not the kids

These are the drama induced moms, OP. Avoid.

[Anonymous]

These moms never grew up. They're still in middle school. Pity them.

[Anonymous]

I know some people like that, otherwise I wouldn't believe it could happen in this day and age.

Sorry, OP. Perhaps start branching out to new friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I know some people like that, otherwise I wouldn't believe it could happen in this day and age.

Sorry, OP. Perhaps start branching out to new friends?

x10000

Agree with this post and previous PP - these moms are stuck in middle school, and trying to make up for lost time. There is nothing "savvy" about them, in fact they are stunting their child's growth, just like theirs is stunted. Time to move along, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

If there are popular kids in elementary, let alone K and 1st grade, then the school is doing something wrong. I wouldn't blame the parents so much as the school, which is clearly allowing weird social hierarchies and pecking order to flouish. i have a third grader and have yet to hear anything about popular kids. But my kids' school fosters classroom community and inclusiveness. I'd be worried about teh school itself here, not parents doing what they can to help their kids thrive in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

OP, sorry, but I have kids slightly older than yours and I'm not buying this.

If Jake is in first grade now, this means he was in K last year. There is no kindergarterner in the world, especially a boy, who would identify someone as "the most popular kid." They don't know what the word means. The mothers may have been paraphrasing to make their point, but I think this inaccuracy speaks to your misunderstanding of the entire situation.

Did you read the whole thread? OP feels this behavior and mindset are coming from the moms, not the kids.

And did you read OP's 8:20 follow-up above? She states that the comments are coming from the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

OP, sorry, but I have kids slightly older than yours and I'm not buying this.

If Jake is in first grade now, this means he was in K last year. There is no kindergarterner in the world, especially a boy, who would identify someone as "the most popular kid." They don't know what the word means. The mothers may have been paraphrasing to make their point, but I think this inaccuracy speaks to your misunderstanding of the entire situation.

Did you read the whole thread? OP feels this behavior and mindset are coming from the moms, not the kids.

And did you read OP's 8:20 follow-up above? She states that the comments are coming from the kids.

Yeah but these comments are coming directly from the moms, not the kids saying at the playgroup. These moms are making their own interpretations and trying to determine who their kids should play with.

[Anonymous]

this post is weird to me since moms don't care about which kids are popular until the kids themselves decide, then they may very much care. But kids in K are too young for this. Instead, moms care about other moms. They want their kids to be friends with kids of moms they want to be friends with. OP, are you sure this isn't what was going on. Perhaps there are popular families at your school and teh moms want in via their kids? It's totally gross but way more normal then 35 year old women trying to game some non-existent 6 year old social pecking order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

If there are popular kids in elementary, let alone K and 1st grade, then the school is doing something wrong. I wouldn't blame the parents so much as the school, which is clearly allowing weird social hierarchies and pecking order to flouish. i have a third grader and have yet to hear anything about popular kids. But my kids' school fosters classroom community and inclusiveness. I'd be worried about teh school itself here, not parents doing what they can to help their kids thrive in it.

Same at my DC's school and I'm pleasantly surprised. It was not the case when I was in school, which had little involvement in kids' social dynamics (typical for then). I thought by now social hierarchy would have inevitably developed by now despite school's best efforts, but I can't think of any social outcasts or a popular clique. There are kids who seem more socially adept than others, but they do all seem to get along and people mix up pretty well. Nice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

This is so weird. I have a 2nd grader and have never once discussed the "popularity" of other kids. I'm a SAHM and pretty involved at the school and this just doesn't ring true. And the school is one oft-maligned by DCUM for being snobby. I know there is social engineering done by parents, but not because "my son said Jake was the most popular kid in K." And if kids and their parents are openly talking like that, please call the school and arrange a meeting with the school counselor and principal – because that is not even remotely age-appropriate and should be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Have any of these crazy bishes tried to crack the case on what actually makes someone popular? That may be less work.

OP - I believe you. People are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

That is really sad and pathetic. I would try to stay away from those moms as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a long time Mom friend who does this and she recruits others to go along with her. She positions herself so that she's involved in everything and always leads her childs' activities. It's all about HER social standing in the end. It's very sad for her kids who she doesn't really pay attention to. It's common to hear her start conversations judging the behavior and social standings of kids at school, sports, scouts, etc. The children with no doubt need therapy later on.

NP. I was witness to this in our elementary and can totally believe OP's story. It's usually only one mom who recruits other moms who have no idea what's happening. They just get caught up in the rush of being able to live vicariously through their kids.
If you remember, there were girls who behaved this way in your HS. This is them all growed up.

Yup. If I were not an ex-teacher, I would have a hard time believing this post. But I have seen mean girl moms who desperately want their kids to be friends with the popular kids. It is hard to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's absolutely totally insane.

–Mom of the popular kids

I tell my kids if a child refers to himself as popular, it's a euphemism for assholes. Okay, I don't say those exact term but you get the idea. If you are going around classifying kids one way or another, you're an asshole as well. Kids grow in different ways and take on different personality. Learn to be inclusive without all the weird labels people. In real life, we have to learn to work with all sorts of people, and if your child only knows how to handle one type of person, you are doing him/her a disservice by propagating such nonsense.

I do think it’s inportant that, if your kid is popular, you teach him/her to use that power for good not evil. There was no doubt that my DS is popular and has been for several years now. I try to emphasize with him that he can and should use his social capital to include rather than exclude and to help create a nicer environment. Popularity is nothing unless you use it, and the “rules” permit you to use it in a positive way.