Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you still have t told us what positives he brings to your life

In other ways he is extremely attentive and caring. When I am sick he is by my side getting me medicine and helping out. We do laugh a lot and enjoy similar things.

[Anonymous]

You lost 70 pounds. Does he appreciate that? Does he treat you better? If no, time for a new relationship.

My DH doesn't believe in psychologists and psychiatrists nor speech therapists. He gave me a lot of pushback, and it wasn't about the cost but time and effort wasted. My son needs speech therapy and it was a struggle to get him on board with that too. He's an engineer so has a logical mind, but he sure has some beliefs that I don't share. I have no doubt he loves me and our son, so this is an example I want to share with OP that maybe he simply does not believe in your son's therapy.

With that said, it does sound like you guys are going to have a lot of issues about who pays for what. Are you the only one going to pay for your kid's daycare or school costs, his food, his clothing, his activities, his toys? If yes, then yeah, he doesn't care about your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost 70 pounds. Does he appreciate that? Does he treat you better? If no, time for a new relationship.

My DH doesn't believe in psychologists and psychiatrists nor speech therapists. He gave me a lot of pushback, and it wasn't about the cost but time and effort wasted. My son needs speech therapy and it was a struggle to get him on board with that too. He's an engineer so has a logical mind, but he sure has some beliefs that I don't share. I have no doubt he loves me and our son, so this is an example I want to share with OP that maybe he simply does not believe in your son's therapy.

With that said, it does sound like you guys are going to have a lot of issues about who pays for what. Are you the only one going to pay for your kid's daycare or school costs, his food, his clothing, his activities, his toys? If yes, then yeah, he doesn't care about your son.

He didn't come out and say that he doesn't believe in therapy. The reason I viewed his behavior as passive aggressive is that he doesn't just come out and say "I think it's stupid that you're spending money on therapy." To me, that would be a more honest way, but he is smart enough to know that I would not take that well. He says about 50 other things, such as how much is it, do you really have to go once a week, when will you know if it's working, have you talked to the therapist to check on his progress, what is the incentive for the doctor to stop the therapy, and on and on and on. Coupled with his other remarks about doctors, I know what those questions mean.

I flat out asked him the other night if he thinks that therapy for my son was a waste of money and he gave me "I guess you know him better than I do and if you say he needs it, he needs it." but then immediately after that he got pissy and started saying how he is going to invest some of his money into a property in Baltimore and that would take him away on the weekends. And just like I don't like for him to micromanage my money, he doesn't like for me to micromanage his time. Mind you, I have never said anything about him investing in this property because this was the first time he told me about it.

I told him we need to have some serious conversations about expectations before we get married and that I didn't like the tit for tat nonsense.

[Anonymous]

What? Why would investing in property take him away?! Sorry but you guys don't sound like a functional couple.

You can do better. Getting someone medicine when they are sick and enjoying the same activities is the bare minimum for a relationship, not a reason to get married.

I would also hate his passive aggressive yet judgmental approach. Especially concerning my child,!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost 70 pounds. Does he appreciate that? Does he treat you better? If no, time for a new relationship.

My DH doesn't believe in psychologists and psychiatrists nor speech therapists. He gave me a lot of pushback, and it wasn't about the cost but time and effort wasted. My son needs speech therapy and it was a struggle to get him on board with that too. He's an engineer so has a logical mind, but he sure has some beliefs that I don't share. I have no doubt he loves me and our son, so this is an example I want to share with OP that maybe he simply does not believe in your son's therapy.

With that said, it does sound like you guys are going to have a lot of issues about who pays for what. Are you the only one going to pay for your kid's daycare or school costs, his food, his clothing, his activities, his toys? If yes, then yeah, he doesn't care about your son.

He didn't come out and say that he doesn't believe in therapy. The reason I viewed his behavior as passive aggressive is that he doesn't just come out and say "I think it's stupid that you're spending money on therapy." To me, that would be a more honest way, but he is smart enough to know that I would not take that well. He says about 50 other things, such as how much is it, do you really have to go once a week, when will you know if it's working, have you talked to the therapist to check on his progress, what is the incentive for the doctor to stop the therapy, and on and on and on. Coupled with his other remarks about doctors, I know what those questions mean.

I flat out asked him the other night if he thinks that therapy for my son was a waste of money and he gave me "I guess you know him better than I do and if you say he needs it, he needs it." but then immediately after that he got pissy and started saying how he is going to invest some of his money into a property in Baltimore and that would take him away on the weekends. And just like I don't like for him to micromanage my money, he doesn't like for me to micromanage his time. Mind you, I have never said anything about him investing in this property because this was the first time he told me about it.

I told him we need to have some serious conversations about expectations before we get married and that I didn't like the tit for tat nonsense.

Good for you, but I suggest you just don't marry him. Why would this get better? He thinks you're the problem, and you think he is. You're both right in that as single people you get to make all your own decisions, and neither of you is making bad ones. You come with a kid, though, and it's always going to feel to him like you leave him out of more decisions than you include him in because they involve your child, and then you're going to resent it when he makes unilateral decisions in return, because he doesn't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What? Why would investing in property take him away?! Sorry but you guys don't sound like a functional couple.

You can do better. Getting someone medicine when they are sick and enjoying the same activities is the bare minimum for a relationship, not a reason to get married.

I would also hate his passive aggressive yet judgmental approach. Especially concerning my child,!!!!

He is buying it to flip it and wants to do the work himself. That is why. I doubt he would do it. He is just trying to prove a point in an argument.

[Anonymous]

Your son needs to be your first priority. Please don’t let this guy move in and don’t marry him. I hope you don’t have children with this guy becasue I sense your first child would be shoved to the side.

[Anonymous]

He sounds so petty. This relationship is not worth the trauma it will cause your son.

[Anonymous]

His true colors are shining through. Are they compatible with yours? Picture the long term picture. Five years from now. Ten years from now. Twenty years from now.

[Anonymous]

From what you've put later on this last page OP two things come to mind:
1. It's easy to be nice to someone when they are sick, especially if you are a control freak, because then the person is weak and vulnerable and right where you want them.
2. His response about the investment property shows he's petty. That's an EXTREMELY unbecoming trait in anyone you would want to build a life with.

Seriously, Postmates can deliver food or medicine when you are sick and you can join a Meetup group to find others with similar interests. This guy doesn't appear to have any endearing qualities beyond just being around.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. The property comment makes me think he is trying to punish you for paying bfor your kids therapy. What an ass.

[Anonymous]

I'm very frugal as well. Perhaps even oddly frugal, but about THINGS and STUFF. My own health and well being, and the health and well being of my child will NEVER be nickle and dimed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son needs to be your first priority. Please don’t let this guy move in and don’t marry him. I hope you don’t have children with this guy becasue I sense your first child would be shoved to the side.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Think long and hard before marrying this guy.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's largely irrelevant whether you are too sensitive, or he's too cheap and controlling. Could be a bit of both, I suppose. What I don't get is why you want to marry this person. I'm in the same age range and well past seeing marriage as a thing in and of itself. You don't sound compatible at all. You sound like you're doing fine on your own and want to continue to do so, at least money-wise. So why marry this guy? Date him if you like, but don't merge your lives (not just finances). Keep control of you life, it's way too difficult to give it up at our age.