If you sense someone doesn't like your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her kid like?

I have found that FTM of easy, low-energy children can be judgey about active, more boisterous children.

Agreed. There can be a real lack of compassion and understanding. Some moms are very judgey and ignorant.

eh, we all have our crosses to bear. In a year that quiet, easy going two year old might be the three year old who is too terrified to go on the pumpkin patch rides...while the boisterous, up for anything kid (and his mom) are having a blast.

Thanks for this PP- I have the high energy kid who I have to be all over. I am the mom in the grocery store physically putting kids back in the cart, making sure they aren't trying to climb all over while I turn my back for 2 seconds. The ones who climb over the couch for fun and who I have to make sure don't do it at anyone else's house. Its exhausting, and sometimes I get frustrated that my kids are the types who dump out ALL crayons, toys, blocks, whatever first before playing or refuse to sit for dinner, etc when my friends kids never seemed to push back on anything at these ages. But then I try to remember that there are positives that might come with it too.

[Anonymous]

I think some of you "high energy" folks need to either lay down the sugar or get some ADHD meds. Running around like chicken little all day every day is abnormal for any kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the pps saying beans are a stupid think to have with 2 year olds, the other kids didn't seem to have the same issue as ops kid.

This seems to boil down to the fact that ops kid needs to be told multiple times not to do something and the other kids don't. Perhaps you can throw in a little bit about op not paying attention or excusing her kids behavior so the other mom has to step in.

Kids like OP's kid can be tiring for parents who have kids who are more calm/whose behavior can be corrected easier.

The other mom doesn't sound mean or wrong, she just seems a bit annoyed.

Op's kid isn't wrong or even that poorly behaved (she's so young!) But OP does seem a bit naive and it's likely her behavior that is annoying the host mom so much!

OP here. All the kids are the same age. My DD is a week older than the host's child. And I was on her and did pick up her mess.

It could be that Op's kid is 2yrs1mo and the host's kid is 2yers9mo old. It makes a big difference. Also some kids simply mature later than other kids do.

If the other kids in the room were all playing nicely with the bean table and the Op's kid was the only one dumping beans on the floor even after being told "No", then Op should have picked her kid up and taken him out of there. Or the host could have simply put the bean table away and found the kids something else to do....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her kid like?

I have found that FTM of easy, low-energy children can be judgey about active, more boisterous children.

Agreed. There can be a real lack of compassion and understanding. Some moms are very judgey and ignorant.

eh, we all have our crosses to bear. In a year that quiet, easy going two year old might be the three year old who is too terrified to go on the pumpkin patch rides...while the boisterous, up for anything kid (and his mom) are having a blast.

LOL I'm so sorry there is so little excitement in your life. Have fun at the pumpkin patch next year, I guess...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stay closer to your DD and redirect her more often. Yes, a 2 year old is going to throw things and make a mess, but you need to be behind her cleaning it up and/or redircting, especially at someone else's house!

+1

It's also ok to just go home. The mom is rolling her eyes at you, OP.

As am I. Anyone else find her irritating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, wait, totally NP here, but the PP who coined "marshmallow kid" meant it as a compliment, right? Like the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment? I am so confused about why people are acting like it's insulting?

I was the pp to use it to describe my oldest. I took it as complimentary. Also, I thought of that experiment which my “marshmallow” child would have probably broken a record on. Marshmallows are delightful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to stay closer to your DD and redirect her more often. Yes, a 2 year old is going to throw things and make a mess, but you need to be behind her cleaning it up and/or redircting, especially at someone else's house!

+1

It's also ok to just go home. The mom is rolling her eyes at you, OP.

As am I. Anyone else find her irritating?

I don't think OP has too many options for playdates left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Examples:

- There is a bin of dried beans with scoops and trucks in it. DD takes the beans in her hands and drops them on the floor. Host or I will tell her that the beans stay in the bin. DD does it again. Same correction. DD does it again. The other kids also did it but stopped after the first time they were corrected.

- DD took a scoop from another bin and threw it on the floor. The host asked her to please pick it up and put it back. DD didn't understand what she was asking her to do and the host sort of rolled her eyes.

These are two examples from two days ago.

The problem isn't your kid, OP. Those examples aren't out of the realm of normal for a 2 year old. (They don't call it terrible twos for nothing...)

But what is out of the realm of normal is your response. The HOST shouldn't be the one correcting your DD or asking her to put things back. YOU should be all over your daughter in those situations. Beans land on the floor, YOU get on the ground with your DD and help her clean it up and tell her that the beans stay in the floor. She does it again? YOU remove her from the beans for a little while.

My guess is the host wasn't rolling her eyes at your DD for not understanding, she was rolling her eyes at you for not being the one to deal with your daughter.

1000 times this.

NP +1. The problem is that you're not correcting your misbehaving child. I have 4yo and 2yo boys. I know alllll about high energy. Real high energy, that is. They can run around a theme park all day long. Even my little one rides his bike for miles. We literally have a climbing structure in our living room, even though it means we don't have space for other things, because my kids need to climb several times per day. But we also have tons of stuff like that bean table you're describing. And you know what, everything stays on the table. No matter what we're playing, they're expected to do it appropriately, all pieces are picked up and put back at the end, and look around on the floor to make sure you haven't forgotten any pieces. Yes, even when my kids are 2 years old (and before!).

Instead of coming on a forum to complain that an experienced mother isn't happy about your 2yo tearing up her house, why don't you either raise your child to behave appropriately or at least take her out of that playgroup and start one of your own for unruly - erm "high energy" - kids. Ideally at your own house.

This. It's not about high energy or low energy. It's about the work (and I do mean WORK) parents put in at this developmental stage to help kids understand structures, expectations, etc.
It's not "no high energy play time!" it's about creating spaces for high energy play time, and also creating logical CONSISTENT rules about calmer play.

Their was an earlier PP who was making "no big deal" excuses about jumping on furniture. But in the vast majority of homes, jumping on furniture is not okay. You aren't doing your kid any favors by letting them get out their "high energy" by jumping on furniture in your house, even if you don't care about it. This PP I'm quoting has the right idea. Make a clear distinction between the types of things/places for that high energy playing and be equally clear about the places where that is not okay.

I remember when my kids were this age, I felt every waking moment was a series of gentle "course corrections" but if you don't put in the time and effort now, you have a real problem on your hands in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her kid like?

I have found that FTM of easy, low-energy children can be judgey about active, more boisterous children.

Agreed. There can be a real lack of compassion and understanding. Some moms are very judgey and ignorant.

eh, we all have our crosses to bear. In a year that quiet, easy going two year old might be the three year old who is too terrified to go on the pumpkin patch rides...while the boisterous, up for anything kid (and his mom) are having a blast.

Thanks for this PP- I have the high energy kid who I have to be all over. I am the mom in the grocery store physically putting kids back in the cart, making sure they aren't trying to climb all over while I turn my back for 2 seconds. The ones who climb over the couch for fun and who I have to make sure don't do it at anyone else's house. Its exhausting, and sometimes I get frustrated that my kids are the types who dump out ALL crayons, toys, blocks, whatever first before playing or refuse to sit for dinner, etc when my friends kids never seemed to push back on anything at these ages. But then I try to remember that there are positives that might come with it too.

I remember one day I was sitting outside a large government building feeling pretty exhausted with my newborn napping in the stroller and my 2 year old running up and down the large, wide steps of that building. A lady began to walk up to me and I assumed that she was about to scold me for allowing my son to run about like that on the steps. Instead she smiled and said - "My son used to be just like that! Your son so much reminds me of the way my son used to play - all that running around! My boy graduated from med school last spring."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's being polite, then there is nothing you can do about it. A lot of "high-energy" kids are, or are seen as, poorly behaved--playing too rough, not listening, etc. And if a parent has a chiller kid, they are just not used to dealing with it in their home. And--and I'm not saying this is you--some parents of high-energy kids aren't on top of things. It's possible that she's correcting your kid more often because your kid needs more correction. You say that she's being polite and not being mean or unkind. So you work on teaching your kid to behave appropriately, and you accept that not everyone will like your kid--which, frankly, every parent has to accept.

Agree 100%. Parents, especially moms, can think their precious little one can do no wrong. “High energy” is one thing, but undisciplined, rude, running wild young kids is another thing entirely. Too often moms fail to intervene strongly to correct behavior. If your son is a problem behavior wise, of course she’s not thrilled to have him behaving badly and not listening to corrections. Have this mental picture of you sitting there chatting and ignoring his bad behavior, if that’s the case I sure wouldn’t blame her for not being pleased to have you all visit. Better to have a reality check now while he’s still young - more and more people won’t like him as he gets bigger. Your job is to prepare him for success socially and educationally - not to be his friend. He won’t do well without some more structure and behavioral limits now.

[Anonymous]

Find a new playgroup. Moms like that are no fun and how dare she judge your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Examples:

- There is a bin of dried beans with scoops and trucks in it. DD takes the beans in her hands and drops them on the floor. Host or I will tell her that the beans stay in the bin. DD does it again. Same correction. DD does it again. The other kids also did it but stopped after the first time they were corrected.

- DD took a scoop from another bin and threw it on the floor. The host asked her to please pick it up and put it back. DD didn't understand what she was asking her to do and the host sort of rolled her eyes.

These are two examples from two days ago.

The problem isn't your kid, OP. Those examples aren't out of the realm of normal for a 2 year old. (They don't call it terrible twos for nothing...)

But what is out of the realm of normal is your response. The HOST shouldn't be the one correcting your DD or asking her to put things back. YOU should be all over your daughter in those situations. Beans land on the floor, YOU get on the ground with your DD and help her clean it up and tell her that the beans stay in the floor. She does it again? YOU remove her from the beans for a little while.

My guess is the host wasn't rolling her eyes at your DD for not understanding, she was rolling her eyes at you for not being the one to deal with your daughter.

1000 times this.

NP +1. The problem is that you're not correcting your misbehaving child. I have 4yo and 2yo boys. I know alllll about high energy. Real high energy, that is. They can run around a theme park all day long. Even my little one rides his bike for miles. We literally have a climbing structure in our living room, even though it means we don't have space for other things, because my kids need to climb several times per day. But we also have tons of stuff like that bean table you're describing. And you know what, everything stays on the table. No matter what we're playing, they're expected to do it appropriately, all pieces are picked up and put back at the end, and look around on the floor to make sure you haven't forgotten any pieces. Yes, even when my kids are 2 years old (and before!).

Instead of coming on a forum to complain that an experienced mother isn't happy about your 2yo tearing up her house, why don't you either raise your child to behave appropriately or at least take her out of that playgroup and start one of your own for unruly - erm "high energy" - kids. Ideally at your own house.

This. It's not about high energy or low energy. It's about the work (and I do mean WORK) parents put in at this developmental stage to help kids understand structures, expectations, etc.
It's not "no high energy play time!" it's about creating spaces for high energy play time, and also creating logical CONSISTENT rules about calmer play.

Their was an earlier PP who was making "no big deal" excuses about jumping on furniture. But in the vast majority of homes, jumping on furniture is not okay. You aren't doing your kid any favors by letting them get out their "high energy" by jumping on furniture in your house, even if you don't care about it. This PP I'm quoting has the right idea. Make a clear distinction between the types of things/places for that high energy playing and be equally clear about the places where that is not okay.

I remember when my kids were this age, I felt every waking moment was a series of gentle "course corrections" but if you don't put in the time and effort now, you have a real problem on your hands in a few years.

Op wasn't letting her kid jump on furniture, get into the china hutch, running water in the bathroom, flushing cosmetics down the toilet, coloring on the bedroom walls....

Op's 2 year old was in a playroom playing with a bean table and dumping beans on the floor and then not listening when the host said "Please don't dump the beans on the floor". All the other kids had also dumped beans on the floor. But the other kids only did it once, whereas Op's 2 year old did it "X" number of times. At some point a grown up in that room needed to either remove the child OR remove the toy. And then move on......

Why on earth is this scenario being repeated over and over again???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Examples:

- There is a bin of dried beans with scoops and trucks in it. DD takes the beans in her hands and drops them on the floor. Host or I will tell her that the beans stay in the bin. DD does it again. Same correction. DD does it again. The other kids also did it but stopped after the first time they were corrected.

- DD took a scoop from another bin and threw it on the floor. The host asked her to please pick it up and put it back. DD didn't understand what she was asking her to do and the host sort of rolled her eyes.

These are two examples from two days ago.

The problem isn't your kid, OP. Those examples aren't out of the realm of normal for a 2 year old. (They don't call it terrible twos for nothing...)

But what is out of the realm of normal is your response. The HOST shouldn't be the one correcting your DD or asking her to put things back. YOU should be all over your daughter in those situations. Beans land on the floor, YOU get on the ground with your DD and help her clean it up and tell her that the beans stay in the floor. She does it again? YOU remove her from the beans for a little while.

My guess is the host wasn't rolling her eyes at your DD for not understanding, she was rolling her eyes at you for not being the one to deal with your daughter.

1000 times this.

NP +1. The problem is that you're not correcting your misbehaving child. I have 4yo and 2yo boys. I know alllll about high energy. Real high energy, that is. They can run around a theme park all day long. Even my little one rides his bike for miles. We literally have a climbing structure in our living room, even though it means we don't have space for other things, because my kids need to climb several times per day. But we also have tons of stuff like that bean table you're describing. And you know what, everything stays on the table. No matter what we're playing, they're expected to do it appropriately, all pieces are picked up and put back at the end, and look around on the floor to make sure you haven't forgotten any pieces. Yes, even when my kids are 2 years old (and before!).

Instead of coming on a forum to complain that an experienced mother isn't happy about your 2yo tearing up her house, why don't you either raise your child to behave appropriately or at least take her out of that playgroup and start one of your own for unruly - erm "high energy" - kids. Ideally at your own house.

This. It's not about high energy or low energy. It's about the work (and I do mean WORK) parents put in at this developmental stage to help kids understand structures, expectations, etc.
It's not "no high energy play time!" it's about creating spaces for high energy play time, and also creating logical CONSISTENT rules about calmer play.

Their was an earlier PP who was making "no big deal" excuses about jumping on furniture. But in the vast majority of homes, jumping on furniture is not okay. You aren't doing your kid any favors by letting them get out their "high energy" by jumping on furniture in your house, even if you don't care about it. This PP I'm quoting has the right idea. Make a clear distinction between the types of things/places for that high energy playing and be equally clear about the places where that is not okay.

I remember when my kids were this age, I felt every waking moment was a series of gentle "course corrections" but if you don't put in the time and effort now, you have a real problem on your hands in a few years.

Op wasn't letting her kid jump on furniture, get into the china hutch, running water in the bathroom, flushing cosmetics down the toilet, coloring on the bedroom walls....

Op's 2 year old was in a playroom playing with a bean table and dumping beans on the floor and then not listening when the host said "Please don't dump the beans on the floor". All the other kids had also dumped beans on the floor. But the other kids only did it once, whereas Op's 2 year old did it "X" number of times. At some point a grown up in that room needed to either remove the child OR remove the toy. And then move on......

Why on earth is this scenario being repeated over and over again???

This was the scenario that OP gave us from two days ago, and OP did not remove her child. That's why it's repeated over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of host puts a bin of beans in the playroom for 2 year olds to play neatly with?

I would totally expect a 2 year old to drop beans on the floor. Duh. But I can see how the host can't take the toy away because her own kid is playing neatly with it (probably because the bin of beans is no a brand new thing for that kid).

That's a bean up the nose waiting to happen, from my experience. My kid and one other is why our daycare doesn't do that kind of sensory bin anymore.

[Anonymous]

We have a bin bean in our house and DS doesn't throw them around or put them up hisnose!


However, getting back to the issue: there will always be people who don't like you and/ or your kid. That is life.
.