If you sense someone doesn't like your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Examples:

- There is a bin of dried beans with scoops and trucks in it. DD takes the beans in her hands and drops them on the floor. Host or I will tell her that the beans stay in the bin. DD does it again. Same correction. DD does it again. The other kids also did it but stopped after the first time they were corrected.

- DD took a scoop from another bin and threw it on the floor. The host asked her to please pick it up and put it back. DD didn't understand what she was asking her to do and the host sort of rolled her eyes.

These are two examples from two days ago.

The problem isn't your kid, OP. Those examples aren't out of the realm of normal for a 2 year old. (They don't call it terrible twos for nothing...)

But what is out of the realm of normal is your response. The HOST shouldn't be the one correcting your DD or asking her to put things back. YOU should be all over your daughter in those situations. Beans land on the floor, YOU get on the ground with your DD and help her clean it up and tell her that the beans stay in the floor. She does it again? YOU remove her from the beans for a little while.

My guess is the host wasn't rolling her eyes at your DD for not understanding, she was rolling her eyes at you for not being the one to deal with your daughter.

1000 times this.

NP +1. The problem is that you're not correcting your misbehaving child. I have 4yo and 2yo boys. I know alllll about high energy. Real high energy, that is. They can run around a theme park all day long. Even my little one rides his bike for miles. We literally have a climbing structure in our living room, even though it means we don't have space for other things, because my kids need to climb several times per day. But we also have tons of stuff like that bean table you're describing. And you know what, everything stays on the table. No matter what we're playing, they're expected to do it appropriately, all pieces are picked up and put back at the end, and look around on the floor to make sure you haven't forgotten any pieces. Yes, even when my kids are 2 years old (and before!).

Instead of coming on a forum to complain that an experienced mother isn't happy about your 2yo tearing up her house, why don't you either raise your child to behave appropriately or at least take her out of that playgroup and start one of your own for unruly - erm "high energy" - kids. Ideally at your own house.

This. It's not about high energy or low energy. It's about the work (and I do mean WORK) parents put in at this developmental stage to help kids understand structures, expectations, etc.
It's not "no high energy play time!" it's about creating spaces for high energy play time, and also creating logical CONSISTENT rules about calmer play.

Their was an earlier PP who was making "no big deal" excuses about jumping on furniture. But in the vast majority of homes, jumping on furniture is not okay. You aren't doing your kid any favors by letting them get out their "high energy" by jumping on furniture in your house, even if you don't care about it. This PP I'm quoting has the right idea. Make a clear distinction between the types of things/places for that high energy playing and be equally clear about the places where that is not okay.

I remember when my kids were this age, I felt every waking moment was a series of gentle "course corrections" but if you don't put in the time and effort now, you have a real problem on your hands in a few years.

Op wasn't letting her kid jump on furniture, get into the china hutch, running water in the bathroom, flushing cosmetics down the toilet, coloring on the bedroom walls....

Op's 2 year old was in a playroom playing with a bean table and dumping beans on the floor and then not listening when the host said "Please don't dump the beans on the floor". All the other kids had also dumped beans on the floor. But the other kids only did it once, whereas Op's 2 year old did it "X" number of times. At some point a grown up in that room needed to either remove the child OR remove the toy. And then move on......

Why on earth is this scenario being repeated over and over again???

This was the scenario that OP gave us from two days ago, and OP did not remove her child. That's why it's repeated over and over.

Op said that she did get on her child and she did pick up after her child. Her child still was misbehaving around that toy. As a host I would have seen that the other mom was having a hard time and helped her out by putting that particular toy away. But that's me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with a kid I don't like very much. He is not much younger than mine but a lot more immature, and he is a tattle tale. Always coming up to me telling me something DD is doing. I also find I have to intervene a lot when he is here forvplaydates, when DD had different friends over I don't

Ugh. I'd take "high energy" over tattle tale every single day of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with a kid I don't like very much. He is not much younger than mine but a lot more immature, and he is a tattle tale. Always coming up to me telling me something DD is doing. I also find I have to intervene a lot when he is here forvplaydates, when DD had different friends over I don't

Ugh. I'd take "high energy" over tattle tale every single day of the week.

Omg DS went through a tattle tale phase when he was 4 and it drove me off the wall.

[Anonymous]

The parents of high-energy kids need to make sure that the first thing they do is to train their kids to treat other people, their homes and their belongings with respect. I am saying this from someone who has been there, done that. Mine are adults now, and one is 12, four boys, but I made sure that I was not that parent who said Oh, it's ok, he just has a lot of energy, and did not teach them how to behave. If your friend is making excuses for her child, and not setting perimeters, she is the problem, and no one will like to be around her child.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess OP, your idea of discipline is a soft, quiet, “we don’t do that” over and over and over and over agin until the kid just gets bored with the disobedient act and stops, and doesn’t stop because she’s actually been disciplined.

You’re not being a good parent or guest. Your daughter is not simply high energy and you need to recognize this and make changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This. It's not about high energy or low energy. It's about the work (and I do mean WORK) parents put in at this developmental stage to help kids understand structures, expectations, etc....

I remember when my kids were this age, I felt every waking moment was a series of gentle "course corrections" but if you don't put in the time and effort now, you have a real problem on your hands in a few years.

+1 to this. OP, sometimes personalities just clash. Not every grownup will click with every child. That's fine. But if you don't lean in enough during play group it puts a burden on this mom. Some kids need more guidance than others. Maybe one day you'll have another child who won't need as much oversight at age 2. But this is where you are now.

Look on the bright side. We're not talking about any major behavioral issues or special needs. Admittedly it's exhausting, but at least it's just garden variety 2 year old parenting.

[Anonymous]

Honestly this whole argument on what really constitutes a high energy child has me baffled. Toddlers push boundaries. It’s how they learn. As parents, it’s our job to teach them these boundaries. Some kids push more than others, and sometimes battle picking is essential. Let’s all try to have a little more compassion for one another.

[Anonymous]

NP. This reminds me of a friend's son, who i quite frankly cannot stand. The kid is ridiculously loud, unbearably high energy, disobedient, and most significantly, very rough. My biggest problem with him is that my child, who is the same age, always ends up acting out worse than ever and being rough in ways we don't whenever when and after seeing this kid. The kid is literally a very bad influence on mine. Not to mention, my child always ends up bruised and often with at least one bite mark after being around said kid.

My friend? She thinks her kid is just "high energy" and doesn't see the issue. Her son got kicked out of daycare for being disruptive and harmful to their kids, and my friend wanted to sue the daycare for being discriminatory. She saw it all as the daycare singling out her child for no reason. Besides the daycare, I also know of two other neighborhood moms who avoid my friend's kid like the plague because they don't like the influence he has on their kids. I don't think my friend has picked up on that though.

Point being- make sure you aren't misconstruing your disruptive and PITA kid as simply high energy, and if you find that your kid is being singled out by more than one person or that parents tend not to be available to get together with kids, consider whether the problem is your kid and not the person singling him out...

[Anonymous]

I don't like my,friends daughter because she's a little meanie taking away toys from my son (she's 4 and he's 17 months) she pushed her own brother out of the way to get a toy and she tried to kick our dog and threw toys at it.


That was the last time they were over our house. Almost 2 years ago. My friend didn't say anything to her daughter which annoyed me. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. This reminds me of a friend's son, who i quite frankly cannot stand. The kid is ridiculously loud, unbearably high energy, disobedient, and most significantly, very rough. My biggest problem with him is that my child, who is the same age, always ends up acting out worse than ever and being rough in ways we don't whenever when and after seeing this kid. The kid is literally a very bad influence on mine. Not to mention, my child always ends up bruised and often with at least one bite mark after being around said kid.

My friend? She thinks her kid is just "high energy" and doesn't see the issue. Her son got kicked out of daycare for being disruptive and harmful to their kids, and my friend wanted to sue the daycare for being discriminatory. She saw it all as the daycare singling out her child for no reason. Besides the daycare, I also know of two other neighborhood moms who avoid my friend's kid like the plague because they don't like the influence he has on their kids. I don't think my friend has picked up on that though.

Point being- make sure you aren't misconstruing your disruptive and PITA kid as simply high energy, and if you find that your kid is being singled out by more than one person or that parents tend not to be available to get together with kids, consider whether the problem is your kid and not the person singling him out...

+1, my friend has a kid like this as well. It's a plain and simple lack of any sort of discipline and giving the child whatever he wants. He's mean to other kids and very rough and does whatever he wants. Breaks toys, kicks, punches, etc. I'm glad that our kids are a year apart and won't be in kindergarten together.