If you sense someone doesn't like your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. It's probably true. I bet her her own child is calmer and lower energy and she interprets this as an issue of parenting. This happened with my SILs (one had quiet child, one had loud child) where one thought that temperament could be completely controlled through parenting. Fortunately that SIL then had a really rowdy second child!

In your situation I would either stay the course and try to be on top of your child more when you are there, or find a different play group or outlet for your kids energy and socializing needs. It sucks, but it won't be the last time you encounter this type of parent unfortunately.

OP said that this mom has two older boys, so I'd be surprised if this is the problem. If she's got two boys, she's almost certainly seen rowdy behavior before, and at the very least, knows that kids have different personalities.

Op actually never said how the host’s kid acts.

OP here. The host's DD is calm and sweet. She also talks very well so doesn't have the same frustrations as my DD. I have never spent a lot of time with her four and seven year old kids.

Well then this is probably the problem. She is on her high horse and thinks you just don’t know how to parent.

I’ll take high energy over calm and sweet anyday. Her kid is an “internalizer” and will probably develop anxiety.

ummm... what?

[Anonymous]

Man, I’d take the calm, sweet kid 100% of the time. High energy is code for pain in the ass. Nobody likes being around pain in the ass kids who don’t know how to behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's being polite, then there is nothing you can do about it. A lot of "high-energy" kids are, or are seen as, poorly behaved--playing too rough, not listening, etc. And if a parent has a chiller kid, they are just not used to dealing with it in their home. And--and I'm not saying this is you--some parents of high-energy kids aren't on top of things. It's possible that she's correcting your kid more often because your kid needs more correction. You say that she's being polite and not being mean or unkind. So you work on teaching your kid to behave appropriately, and you accept that not everyone will like your kid--which, frankly, every parent has to accept.

100% this. Youve got to be careful you don't become the mom who excuses your kid's behavior as "high energy" and anyone who doesn't particularly like it isn't nice.

+1 Not much more I can add.

[Anonymous]

not everyone will like your child. that's life. OP, quit spinning your wheels and wasting your time trying to figure out how to change another adult's behavior to make you feel better. you could choose not to spend time with this mom. that's something you can control.

[Anonymous]

so tired of the phrase "high energy"

[Anonymous]

DS is super high energy, yet he knows how to behave and is well-liked by all moms in my circle. Don't confuse your high energy with being a brat.

[Anonymous]

She has to change what she is doing for the playgroup to accommodate your daughter. How much monitoring/whatever are you doing during the play group? We have all had this experience. There are some kids that you can leave to their own devices. There are others that you have to watch every move they make. As the host. you either At some point, it is really annoying.

I think two is a bit young to be super annoyed by it, but everyone has their own threshold. Not everyone is going to adore your daughter. If she is being polite, there is nothing you can do/say, unless you want to leave the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so tired of the phrase "high energy"

Euphemism to make people feel better, is all.

[Anonymous]

Second everyone else’s opinions. Also, it’s very likely that she is now watching your child more closely than the others because of her past behavior and so she’s noticing and correcting more things your child does than others because she’s focusing more on watching your child. If I was hosting at my home and I knew a child was more likely than the others to cause trouble, break stuff, etc I’d definitely devote my attention to watching that child like a hawk to prevent any issues.

[Anonymous]

I am the pp with the long post above, just wanted to add that while my kids were very, very active, they always behaved well in other people's houses during play dates. They were respectful and listened to the host parent. There is a difference between very active kid and destructive and unmanageable kid.

[Anonymous]

OP hasn’t said what exactly her dd is doing. Just high energy...

I think it’s great most people are siding with the op. The other mom sounds like she will give her (marshmallow, love it) dd an anxiety disorder. I cannot imagine judging a 2yo! They are 2. They are drunk little monsters!

My oldest was the perfect child. Talked in paragraphs at 18 months. Was quiet and polite. She was also cautious and....slow. She is smart as a whip, read at age 2. But a slow processor. She was sooooo easy to parent.

My youngest is high energy. She runs circles around my oldest. Just so damn quick and into everything and wanting to know why and experimenting and testing boundaries. It’s exhausting.

I remember when my oldest was 22 months she memorized all the planets. So easy...

My youngest just wants to know where the F space is. Where is my space shuttle. Why can’t we jump off the roof? I’m an astronaut!!!! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 (top of her lungs).

Yeah. It’s different. And not easier. But they are 2! This is how they process the world. No, I don’t let her jump on other people’s couches. Op didn’t say she was either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn’t said what exactly her dd is doing. Just high energy...

I think it’s great most people are siding with the op. The other mom sounds like she will give her (marshmallow, love it) dd an anxiety disorder. I cannot imagine judging a 2yo! They are 2. They are drunk little monsters!

My oldest was the perfect child. Talked in paragraphs at 18 months. Was quiet and polite. She was also cautious and....slow. She is smart as a whip, read at age 2. But a slow processor. She was sooooo easy to parent.

My youngest is high energy. She runs circles around my oldest. Just so damn quick and into everything and wanting to know why and experimenting and testing boundaries. It’s exhausting.

I remember when my oldest was 22 months she memorized all the planets. So easy...

My youngest just wants to know where the F space is. Where is my space shuttle. Why can’t we jump off the roof? I’m an astronaut!!!! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 (top of her lungs).

Yeah. It’s different. And not easier. But they are 2! This is how they process the world. No, I don’t let her jump on other people’s couches. Op didn’t say she was either.

Jesus, you people. Was your oldest child a marshmallow with an anxiety disorder? Sucks for her, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few things:
1) Since she isn't a FTM, she's probably a bit more used to correcting other people's children. Less tip-toe-ing.
2) If you have a high energy child, she might correct a little sooner than she would with another child, before things get out of hand and harder to correct.

I will admit, I know I have a shorter fuse with a couple kids among our friends, and it's precisely because of #2. I'm much more likely to give them a hard no about something earlier, because I know how hard they will resist it. And I might be stricter about certain activities that are more likely to lead to disaster with a kid who is generally more in control of themselves.

This. She's got three kids. She's not going to hold back on correcting your kid. It's not even just the FTM thing--parents with older kids are, IME, generally much quicker to correct other people's kids in these kind of situations (especially in their own home).

Also, OP has not returned to articulate what this mom is doing to suggest that she doesn't like OP's kid. She might be correcting the kid more often because the kid requires more correction, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like the kid.

[Anonymous]

Only you know whether your kid is being poorly behaved or not, your gut will tell you. If she is, you need to gently change her ways. If she's not, I'd ignore the antipathy and if it gets really bad stop socializing with that family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn’t said what exactly her dd is doing. Just high energy...

I think it’s great most people are siding with the op. The other mom sounds like she will give her (marshmallow, love it) dd an anxiety disorder. I cannot imagine judging a 2yo! They are 2. They are drunk little monsters!

My oldest was the perfect child. Talked in paragraphs at 18 months. Was quiet and polite. She was also cautious and....slow. She is smart as a whip, read at age 2. But a slow processor. She was sooooo easy to parent.

My youngest is high energy. She runs circles around my oldest. Just so damn quick and into everything and wanting to know why and experimenting and testing boundaries. It’s exhausting.

I remember when my oldest was 22 months she memorized all the planets. So easy...

My youngest just wants to know where the F space is. Where is my space shuttle. Why can’t we jump off the roof? I’m an astronaut!!!! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 (top of her lungs).

Yeah. It’s different. And not easier. But they are 2! This is how they process the world. No, I don’t let her jump on other people’s couches. Op didn’t say she was either.

Jesus, you people. Was your oldest child a marshmallow with an anxiety disorder? Sucks for her, I guess.

I just like the visual of the perfect 2yo siting like a marshmallow. It’s silly. My oldest has been every teacher’s dream. More then one has commented on cloning her or having a whole class of her. My point was easy (low energy) kids are easy to like.