Dating around and "having fun" in your 20s is pointless. I should have settled down

[Anonymous]

If you get married young, you think you missed out on all of the stuff that you could have done if you were single.

If you get married later in life, you think you missed out on having family experiences while young.

Either way you go, you have to sacrifice something and the grass may sometimes seem greener on the other side. But you can't have everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a young bride is beautiful. If you have fun in high school and college you're not missing much "fun" in your 20s. Get married after college and focus on kids and career.

lol

+1. PP has no idea what she was missing out on! I wouldn't have wanted to get married in my 20s anymore than I wanted to get married in college.

Good thing you didn’t get married in your 20’s then! Everyone is not you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met DH at a rodeo. He was a clown and had on the craziest clown makeup and these dusty, dirty clown clothes with giant, flappy shoes and a weird old-man hat with a plastic flower stuck in the brim. When a rider would get thrown off a bull, he would run out and dash around in circles, waving his arms at the bull and just acting crazy to get the bull to chase him and not the rider. Once the bull started chasing him he would zip around for just a short time and then slide into a barrel where the bull couldn't get him. I just thought it seemed exciting. No regrets!

That is exactly how I met my DH!

[Anonymous]

I would have been a terrible spouse and parent in my twenties. It's better for everyone that I didn't settle down and have kids until my 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you get married young, you think you missed out on all of the stuff that you could have done if you were single.

If you get married later in life, you think you missed out on having family experiences while young.

Either way you go, you have to sacrifice something and the grass may sometimes seem greener on the other side. But you can't have everything.

I disagree. I married young, and have done all the stuff that single do, except with my best friend. We traveled the world, we raised kids together. I can't think of any single thing that my single friends did that I was not able to do in my 20 (don't cite a heavy drinking as I don't like alcohol).

[Anonymous]

It seems like for woman it is boils down to: you party hard in your 20s and change diapers in your 40s; or you change diapers in your 20s and do whatever you want in your 40s. It is good to have choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my favorite aphorisms is “It’ll all be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.”

You still have time, don’t worry. You’ll meet the one and still have a satisfying career.

Yeah, sure, tell that to people dying of cancer at 39 with little kids to care for.

What the hell? If I knew I were going to die at 39, the last thing I’d want was kids of any age. Wouldn’t want them to have to live through that while stil, under 18, for one thing. I’d gladly die childless instead, What a bizarre statement!

[Anonymous]

If you're typical of the DCUM demographic, check out Date-onomics. It will convince you to not wait too long.
https://www.amazon.com/Date-onomics-Dating-Became-Lopsided-Numbers/dp/076118208X

Also, have read a few articles/analyses that seem to point at around 28-30 being a good target.

This is a fun mathematical approach: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/02/16/when-to-stop-dating-and-settle-down-according-to-math/

[Anonymous]

I got married at 26, which was about right for me. I'm a better married person than a dating person. I just never really enjoyed bars or the dating scene and always preferred to be in a relationship so I don't have regrets for not partying more or whatever. Dh and I had a few solid years of travel, sleeping in and just having fun together before we had kids, which was good because my 30s have been punctuated by pregnancy, babies, diapers, sleepless nights, death of parents (his mom, my dad), relocation (two times), career changes and tons more responsibility. I turn 40 next year and wow, I'm starting to feel like I can breathe again.

There are pros and cons no matter what you do in life. I feel fortunate for what I have and even on the bad days, I try to remember there are no guarantees and life as I know it can change in an instance.

[Anonymous]

Men who want children are going to seek women of prime childbearing age. That's just common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I drank my ass off in my 20s and am a better dad because of it. I got married at 30 and had kids at 32. I've never felt restless as a father because I got it out of my system in my 20s. I know that I'm not missing anything by being domestic.

Only women, men should marry at 35 to 25 year old woman. Man can make sperm into their late 40s. Woman was designed to make babies up until early 30s.

Those who drink and do drugs earlier and then "settle down", don't think you got "it" out of your system.

You didn't. The heavy drugging and alcohol damage your bodies so badly, you will make sick babies and be sick parents yourselves.

[Amandaclark]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I drank my ass off in my 20s and am a better dad because of it. I got married at 30 and had kids at 32. I've never felt restless as a father because I got it out of my system in my 20s. I know that I'm not missing anything by being domestic.

Only women, men should marry at 35 to 25 year old woman. Man can make sperm into their late 40s. Woman was designed to make babies up until early 30s.

Those who drink and do drugs earlier and then "settle down", don't think you got "it" out of your system.

You didn't. The heavy drugging and alcohol damage your bodies so badly, you will make sick babies and be sick parents yourselves.

One of my friends did coke while they were pregnant and her child turned out alright... so far at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These things all boil down to luck. I met my DH in college, married soon after, had kids in my mid 20s, stayed home while they were little, and embarked on a career in my early 30s. I feel like I had my cake and ate it too. I did not plan this, I just happened to meet a good man early in my life. I have friends now changing diapers in their mid 40s who have had to mommy track their careers. The unexpected benefit of meeting my DH early in life, was good for our financial security. I feel like these things boil down to being at the right place at the right time and being in an emotional place to accept love when it comes.

How is being 10 years into a career in your 40s any different than mommy-tracking your career in your 40s, from a responsibility/career trajectory/income perspective?

I ask as I am a woman who has mommy tracked her career at 40. I'm making 6 figures because I have 20 years of progressively responsible experience, I just don't have a demanding job. In my career field, I couldn't make the salary I am, in the job I have, if I had just started my career 10 years ago.

Now changing diapers in your 40s, I'm not saying that is ideal. But that's another story for another day!

I dont speak for all women. I can only speak for my experience. It didnt take me long to catch up and hit that 6 figure mark. I think because i was a bit older, i was given bigger breaks based on maturity perception and maybe a subconcious bias that my employer knew I was done having kids, which i of course always slipped in at interview time to explain my gap. It sucks, but i think as a woman if they know there won't be any leave to give for babies or the inevitible inconsistency that happens when women have infants and young toddlers at home, makes for easier promotions. At the same time, many women were falling back, it made more room for me. I'm now the only woman on my level at my company, I only have male peers, all with SAH wives or divorced guys.

This is just MY experience and how the cards fell. Don't get me wrong, when they were in elementary, it was a juggle, my DH had to adjust and we had to get an excellent nanny who could do some housekeeping/meal prep when the kids were in school, since for me, going to work after 7 years of being home with kids was baptism by fire.

[Anonymous]

Everyone's journey through life is different along with every woman's wants and needs. You were career driven and now you have the career you and salary you want. You can provide a great life for yourself and your future child and you have the memories of enjoying your youth at the same time. I had children young, got married young, and still struggling trying to develop my career. I love my kids and my family but when I look back at my 20's I was working multiple jobs, trying to go to school, struggling trying to make ends meet, with no end in sight. fast forward 19 years and 1 child is in college, 1 is in high school and 1 is in middle school and I still find little time for myself. I can't change my past so I don't wallow in it or think about it but the grass always looks greener on the other side. I look at my situation like this: I may have not had the fun, youthful, wild, 20s that others may have had but I had my children young which means when the last one is in college, I will be approximately 44 years old and unless the Lord takes me out of here, I will have a lot of life left to do what I want to do while other people around my age will be shuffling kids around. When you have children, you will be able to support them, take them on memorable fun vacations, spoil them (if you want), and so much more. Of course you may have access to other luxuries such as a nanny, private schools, which may help make life easier if you continue to work. Enjoy what you have and where you are, you worked hard to get there. The other part will happen at the right time so don't rush it and you will appreciate it so much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time seeing how having an abortion at 25 proves anything other than how lucky it was that you had that option available to you, if you weren't ready to be a parent.

+1

Perhaps OP is having a bad day, but I grew up seeing lots of miserable women in miserable marriages lament how they never lived on their own. I LOVED my 20s. I loved being independent, dating, being on my own.

I have no regrets about having fun in my 20s. I only wish I would have spent more time in my 30s having fun. I spent too much time worrying I wasn't meeting some BS expectations society has for me as a woman. That was wasted time.