Dating around and "having fun" in your 20s is pointless. I should have settled down

[Anonymous]

I personally think that this is a pointless thread. OP, go read the other threads on here about wives who are stuck with jerks for husbands and problematic kids, and who don't a career to call their own.

[Anonymous]

*don't have

[Anonymous]

These things all boil down to luck. I met my DH in college, married soon after, had kids in my mid 20s, stayed home while they were little, and embarked on a career in my early 30s. I feel like I had my cake and ate it too. I did not plan this, I just happened to meet a good man early in my life. I have friends now changing diapers in their mid 40s who have had to mommy track their careers. The unexpected benefit of meeting my DH early in life, was good for our financial security. I feel like these things boil down to being at the right place at the right time and being in an emotional place to accept love when it comes.

[Anonymous]

You people are funny. What do you think of people like Paris Hilton, Amal Clooney, Kate Middleton, and Marissa Meyer? All of whom wasted away their 20s. Some of whom wasted away their 30s.

It's so strange to me that you'll advocate wasting your life for nothing...but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my career trajectory would not have changed. So at the very least I'd have the same career plus a beautiful daughter or son.

With all due respect, only someone without kids could be so clueless about the impact that having a child has on your life. Really? You think you’d have the same great job and career if you’d become a single mom in your 20’s. You need to grow up.

Yes, I do. I think you're doing a lot of implying, such as:

-- abortion had no impact on the relationship I was in.
-- I'd be a single parent.
-- the child's successful father wouldn't provide support.
-- I wouldn't have access to other resources.
-- my company doesn't have fantastic childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I didn't get married right after college because I was good and stupid. I had no idea how to choose a good mate. If I had married any of the men I dated back then I would be divorced or miserably married I'm sure.

I had always admired people who knew themselves well enough at that age to choose a mate for life.

I think a lot of it is luck. I wasn't smart at 21, I was lucky. I have had a long, stable, happy marriage, but I don't think my friends whose marriages imploded had less insight than I did at 21.

I absolutely love you. Your ability to enjoy your good fortune without letting it cloud your opinion of others who just happened not to be as fortunate is refreshing. I'm guessing you have had a long, stable, happy marriage because you have a kind heart and a good head on your shoulders.

Wow, PP, thank you. That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me on DCUM. You made my evening, and today was a day for me where a little unexpected sweetness is really appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I didn't get married right after college because I was good and stupid. I had no idea how to choose a good mate. If I had married any of the men I dated back then I would be divorced or miserably married I'm sure.

I had always admired people who knew themselves well enough at that age to choose a mate for life.

I think a lot of it is luck. I wasn't smart at 21, I was lucky. I have had a long, stable, happy marriage, but I don't think my friends whose marriages imploded had less insight than I did at 21.

I absolutely love you. Your ability to enjoy your good fortune without letting it cloud your opinion of others who just happened not to be as fortunate is refreshing. I'm guessing you have had a long, stable, happy marriage because you have a kind heart and a good head on your shoulders.

Wow, PP, thank you. That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me on DCUM. You made my evening, and today was a day for me where a little unexpected sweetness is really appreciated.

I'm glad. Your post just struck a note with me and I wanted to say so. I'd love to see more kind posts on DCUM. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I didn't get married right after college because I was good and stupid. I had no idea how to choose a good mate. If I had married any of the men I dated back then I would be divorced or miserably married I'm sure.

I had always admired people who knew themselves well enough at that age to choose a mate for life.

I think a lot of it is luck. I wasn't smart at 21, I was lucky. I have had a long, stable, happy marriage, but I don't think my friends whose marriages imploded had less insight than I did at 21.

This.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of smart, attractive female friends that were just too picky in their twenties and early thirties. Now all the best guys are married or looking for younger women.

[Anonymous]

The notion of regret over things you can’t really control seems odd to me. I spent most of my twenties in a bad relationship (my choice) but got out and was lucky enough to have met my husband at 30. Married at 31, first child at 34.

I bought our house at 27 on my own. The house that, at 44, I live in with my husband and kids (9 and 3). The idea that I had any real control over how or when I’d meet my husband is odd to me. I regret spending college involved with a self involved, abusive guy, but I don’t regret things I can’t control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The notion of regret over things you can’t really control seems odd to me. I spent most of my twenties in a bad relationship (my choice) but got out and was lucky enough to have met my husband at 30. Married at 31, first child at 34.

I bought our house at 27 on my own. The house that, at 44, I live in with my husband and kids (9 and 3). The idea that I had any real control over how or when I’d meet my husband is odd to me. I regret spending college involved with a self involved, abusive guy, but I don’t regret things I can’t control.

This, too!!! I live a life of "no regrets."

[Anonymous]

Women need to be taught that they should be married by after 28

[Anonymous]

I married at 22, but I don't encourage others to necessarily do the same. I just happen to marry an amazing guy, I saw that he was amazing and I just married him. We took turns getting our degree, I worked while he went to law school, now he is supporting me as I start med school in upcoming year. We won't have kids until early 30s but it has been nice to build something together over the past years.

women shouldn't feel that they CANT get married early if they want to be ambitious but one must (!) marry the right guy.

The biggest risk to marry young is marrying a douche bag who doesn't allow a woman to get her education, so you may be left in late twenties with kids and no way to support them.

[Anonymous]

So glad I had fun in my 20’s and waited to get married.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the people who got married early and people act like your life could only have one good or bad outcome that was "meant" for you. I stayed with my DH and life moved along, and since he is not terrible, I think the outcome is similar to if I had married any other not-terrible guy at any age. I was committed to staying married and so was he. I could have easily decided "no, I don't want to get married now I'll wait and find someone better," and sowed my oats.