Guy I was seeing broke up with me because I talked (flirted?) to other guys at a party.

[Anonymous]

OP:
You and your bf disagree about what constitutes unacceptable flirting vs normal friendly conversation.

Everyone has different acceptance levels on that.

It doesn't matter who is "right" or "wrong". There probably isn't any right or wrong here ... but there is definitely a mismatch between you two. And believe me, you will never resolve it.

If you bend to his wishes, you'll spend the rest of your relationship looking over your shoulder and resenting the fact that you can't relax and be yourself.

If he gives in, he will always feel insecure and irritated at your behavior.

You are both better off finding people who are better matches. It doesn't make either of you wrong, or bad people. Just not suited for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not even officially exclusive and have not even discussed what our relationship is. We went to a party together and he left upset. He said that I was flirting with other guys, and he sees this as a sign that I will cheat on him. His previous GF cheated on him.

I did not think I was flirting, but maybe I was? Now that I think about it, I CAN see how he saw it that way. I was being friendly and trying to meet new people (I am new to the area and have few friends).

He later tells me how MUCH he really likes me and that he saw a future with us. But now that I have flirted right in front of him, he "cannot do this."

WTH? Why didn't he tell me that he felt that I was ignoring him at the party? I was trying to balance spending time with him and meeting new people. Now I am a potential cheater.

I have tried talking to him, apologizing, and tell him that I didn't realize that he was upset. Rather than talk to me, he ended it.

What do you make of this?

Since you two never established your relationship prior to the party, you can do anything and anyone you want at the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank your lucky stars. This is a classic opening ploy of an abuser. Jealosy is a common problem for them and it is not a subject that can be rationalized. He is grooming you. He is training you to always be wary of upsetting him. He is training you to walk on eggshells and believe his feelings are more important than yours and that your behaviour affects his feelings.

Just walk away. Avoid any further contact.

You are certifiably insane.

That's funny, I thought that post was spot on. I guess you've never dealt with a psycho. Those of us who have never forget the signs we missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with this whole "controlling" thing women now throw around? It's used so much now that it has lost its impact. How about she should have respected his feelings and when she didn't he bolted? Isn't that a more likely scenario? I wouldn't date a woman who flirted with other guys at a party when we were first dating. Sounds terrible to be put in that situation.

At a minimum, he is an insecure baby with no balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with this whole "controlling" thing women now throw around? It's used so much now that it has lost its impact. How about she should have respected his feelings and when she didn't he bolted? Isn't that a more likely scenario? I wouldn't date a woman who flirted with other guys at a party when we were first dating. Sounds terrible to be put in that situation.

The dingbats who are whining about him being "controlling" don't even know what the word means. He wasn't controlling her. She was free to flirt with other guys if she wanted. And he was free to dump her skanky ass for doing that. So he did. This is called "having boundaries".

If we reversed the genders in this story, and a woman complained about her boyfriend flirting with women at a party right in front of her, you can bet the DCUM harpies would all shriek "dump his ass, he's a cheating pig!"

[Anonymous]

A blessing in disguise. This man treated you like his property to be used for his benefit only, not like another human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flirting with other guys when you are at a party with your new boyfriend is pretty obnoxious. I don't know why he should be expected to accept that kind of treatment, which will probably get worse as the initial thrill of the relationship fades and your crave additional validation from men.

Agree. I say this as a woman whose 4 month boyfriend broke up with me because allegedly I was being too friendly and nice to a guy in a group of us that went skiing. I was not into the guy AT ALL so my ex BF was mistaken. But I do have to acknowledge that my feelings for my ex weren't super strong. I was still exploring compatibility, wondering if I could accept some issues of his. Meanwhile he was ready to propose and willing to transfer to the DC office of his firm to make it work. Basically, maybe you're not totally into him. Won't work with him. Lost cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank your lucky stars. This is a classic opening ploy of an abuser. Jealosy is a common problem for them and it is not a subject that can be rationalized. He is grooming you. He is training you to always be wary of upsetting him. He is training you to walk on eggshells and believe his feelings are more important than yours and that your behaviour affects his feelings.

Just walk away. Avoid any further contact.

You are certifiably insane.

That's funny, I thought that post was spot on. I guess you've never dealt with a psycho. Those of us who have never forget the signs we missed.

That's the problem: projecting YOUR personal experiences onto everyone else.

Breaking it off with someone you believe to be disrespectful is NOT being a psycho. At all.