Guy I was seeing broke up with me because I talked (flirted?) to other guys at a party.

[Anonymous]

Echo all PPs about abuse. Be glad he showed you who he is and never look back.

[Anonymous]

If you're at a party with him and flirting with other guys, you aren't that into him anyway.

[Anonymous]

Plausible deniability is the problem with flirting in general. She can say she was just being friendly. (And it's plausible that that's true!) There was a PP who was talking about whether the flirting was "sexual in nature."

Is there nonsexual flirting? I thought the fun in flirting had to do with the undertones of sex. What does flirting look like when the sexual undertones are completely absent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flirting with other guys when you are at a party with your new boyfriend is pretty obnoxious. I don't know why he should be expected to accept that kind of treatment, which will probably get worse as the initial thrill of the relationship fades and your crave additional validation from men.

I agree.

It's not cute, OP.

I think he was smart to call it quits before he found himself in a situation where he's "fighting for your honor" or put in a situation where he's being pit against another man because you're so 'friendly' with men at parties.

Sane people leave at the sign of potential trouble, and I'm sure he knows there are tons of girls he can take to a party without them being in men's faces.

+100 If a man flirts with other women, when he brings a date to a party, all of you women would be screaming that he is a dog. No woman here would be complaining that woman was controlling, abusive, etc..I agree that he was right to dump you- you were disrespectful. (oh and I AM A WOMAN)

[Anonymous]

Psycho. Avoid him. Consider yourself lucky and forewarned.

[Anonymous]

He’s an abuser. Stay far away!!!!

[Anonymous]

You dodged a bullet, OP. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Twenty years ago I'd just started dating my husband (much more introverted than I am, started dating end of freshman year) and was a sophomore in college. We went to a Halloween party. He got tired and wanted to leave. He said that there was no reason my night should have to end if I was having fun. I bumped into a (very cute) man who was in one of my classes and he asked me to dance. We ended up party hopping / dancing at a few parties. He knew I was dating someone else. At any rate, at the end of the evening I said good night to him and want back to the dorms and crawled into bed with my (now) husband. He asked if I'd had fun. I don't expect everyone to be that understanding but appreciated that he was going to be a relationship with trust and not much (any?) jealousy. If you're extroverted, naturally flirtatious, or not ready to act differently this man might not be for you.

Oh, I'd forgotten that on a earlier date to a BBQ with a bunch of his friends whom I didn't know my husband had asked if I was embarrassed to be with him. I was really surprised because I'd been trying not to be clingy / cramp his style at all. I guess I want overboard giving him space. Other that discussion when we were figuring out each other's preferences I don't remember it being a problem.

[Anonymous]

Flirting is normal and harmless. I get that some people are insecure and have a zero tolerance policy for it. Those people need to marry each other. You aren't one of those people.

Call me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twenty years ago I'd just started dating my husband (much more introverted than I am, started dating end of freshman year) and was a sophomore in college. We went to a Halloween party. He got tired and wanted to leave. He said that there was no reason my night should have to end if I was having fun. I bumped into a (very cute) man who was in one of my classes and he asked me to dance. We ended up party hopping / dancing at a few parties. He knew I was dating someone else. At any rate, at the end of the evening I said good night to him and want back to the dorms and crawled into bed with my (now) husband. He asked if I'd had fun. I don't expect everyone to be that understanding but appreciated that he was going to be a relationship with trust and not much (any?) jealousy. If you're extroverted, naturally flirtatious, or not ready to act differently this man might not be for you.

Oh, I'd forgotten that on a earlier date to a BBQ with a bunch of his friends whom I didn't know my husband had asked if I was embarrassed to be with him. I was really surprised because I'd been trying not to be clingy / cramp his style at all. I guess I want overboard giving him space. Other that discussion when we were figuring out each other's preferences I don't remember it being a problem.

Yes! Exactly. You are mature and so is your husband.

Not everyone brings that maturity to a relationship. It's tough to tell what's up with OP's ex boyfriend. What his motive is. Control or fear of abandonment. But both stem from insecurity. And whether OP sees it or not, it's not her job to fix this guy's insecurity. He needs to do that himself, so that he can be a better partner to someone, like your husband is to you.

[Anonymous]

Good riddance, OP. You dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not even officially exclusive and have not even discussed what our relationship is. We went to a party together and he left upset. He said that I was flirting with other guys, and he sees this as a sign that I will cheat on him. His previous GF cheated on him.

I did not think I was flirting, but maybe I was? Now that I think about it, I CAN see how he saw it that way. I was being friendly and trying to meet new people (I am new to the area and have few friends).

He later tells me how MUCH he really likes me and that he saw a future with us. But now that I have flirted right in front of him, he "cannot do this."

WTH? Why didn't he tell me that he felt that I was ignoring him at the party? I was trying to balance spending time with him and meeting new people. Now I am a potential cheater.

I have tried talking to him, apologizing, and tell him that I didn't realize that he was upset. Rather than talk to me, he ended it.

What do you make of this?

This dude sounds like way too much work. D*** is free and abundant on to the next one.

[Anonymous]

He did you a favor. Bullet dodged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twenty years ago I'd just started dating my husband (much more introverted than I am, started dating end of freshman year) and was a sophomore in college. We went to a Halloween party. He got tired and wanted to leave. He said that there was no reason my night should have to end if I was having fun. I bumped into a (very cute) man who was in one of my classes and he asked me to dance. We ended up party hopping / dancing at a few parties. He knew I was dating someone else. At any rate, at the end of the evening I said good night to him and want back to the dorms and crawled into bed with my (now) husband. He asked if I'd had fun. I don't expect everyone to be that understanding but appreciated that he was going to be a relationship with trust and not much (any?) jealousy. If you're extroverted, naturally flirtatious, or not ready to act differently this man might not be for you.

Oh, I'd forgotten that on a earlier date to a BBQ with a bunch of his friends whom I didn't know my husband had asked if I was embarrassed to be with him. I was really surprised because I'd been trying not to be clingy / cramp his style at all. I guess I want overboard giving him space. Other that discussion when we were figuring out each other's preferences I don't remember it being a problem.

Hanging out with a male friend is different than going to a party as someone's date and spending lots of time in other men's faces while he's there.

I trust my guy to hang out with friends too, but that talking to females while I'm there as your date WHEN WE'RE JUST STARTING OUT and building trust is a no no.

You and your bf already had an established foundation. You can't assume he'd be okay in the situation very early on before he knew he could trust you.

It was likely seeing how you behaved at parties with him that put him at such ease later on.

Apples and oranges.

[Anonymous]

he's either cheating on you - or a closet homosexual.