Guy I was seeing broke up with me because I talked (flirted?) to other guys at a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flirting with other guys when you are at a party with your new boyfriend is pretty obnoxious. I don't know why he should be expected to accept that kind of treatment, which will probably get worse as the initial thrill of the relationship fades and your crave additional validation from men.

You're either a guy, a woman who rarely dates, or someone who is in an abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can be controlling behavior. I would run. This could be a tactic to get you to behave a certain way.

I agree. Especially given that he had the temerity to talk about a future together in the same discussion with "I can't do this." Speaking from experience that little boomerang will be on repeat if you move forward with this guy.

I recommend moving on.

[Anonymous]

That's not why he broke up - - he broke up because he would prefer someone else - - a different person, a different personality, he believes, would be best for him.

[Anonymous]

Thank god you found out he's still reeling from being cheated on. Hope you gave your number to a couple of those guys you flirted with.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Neither of you sounds mature enough for an adult relationship.

[Anonymous]

This is so laughable. If the original post was written by a man saying that his girlfriend made the same accusations, everyone would be saying that he’s such a jerk for talking to other girls in front of him girlfriend, and all the same things OP’s boyfriend basically said. Hypocrites.

In my own opinion it seems slightly controlling but cmon, you went to a party with him. Why would you be traipsing around yapping with all the other guys? Were you just as sociable with the women there? Go ahead, let me hear it: “but omg I just get along so much better with guys than girls!!” You’re BOTH to blame, and it doesn’t sound like you’re very compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a blessing in disguise. Cut your loses and move on. He sounds insecure and manipulative.

+1

[Anonymous]

Run away! Sounds like a potential abuser. That's how all the lifetime movies start. You aren't even exclusive and you're falling all over yourself to apologize for talking to other men?? Thank your lucky stars and never speak to him again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so laughable. If the original post was written by a man saying that his girlfriend made the same accusations, everyone would be saying that he’s such a jerk for talking to other girls in front of him girlfriend, and all the same things OP’s boyfriend basically said. Hypocrites.

In my own opinion it seems slightly controlling but cmon, you went to a party with him. Why would you be traipsing around yapping with all the other guys? Were you just as sociable with the women there? Go ahead, let me hear it: “but omg I just get along so much better with guys than girls!!” You’re BOTH to blame, and it doesn’t sound like you’re very compatible.

Actually, in the scenario you proposed, blame usually falls on the woman: she's crazy, jealous, controlling, etc. I've never heard anyone blame the guy unless it was blatantly obvious flirting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not even officially exclusive and have not even discussed what our relationship is. We went to a party together and he left upset. He said that I was flirting with other guys, and he sees this as a sign that I will cheat on him. His previous GF cheated on him.

I did not think I was flirting, but maybe I was? Now that I think about it, I CAN see how he saw it that way. I was being friendly and trying to meet new people (I am new to the area and have few friends).

He later tells me how MUCH he really likes me and that he saw a future with us. But now that I have flirted right in front of him, he "cannot do this."

WTH? Why didn't he tell me that he felt that I was ignoring him at the party? I was trying to balance spending time with him and meeting new people. Now I am a potential cheater.

I have tried talking to him, apologizing, and tell him that I didn't realize that he was upset. Rather than talk to me, he ended it.

What do you make of this?

It's either a power play or he was looking for a reason to end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank your lucky stars. This is a classic opening ploy of an abuser. Jealosy is a common problem for them and it is not a subject that can be rationalized. He is grooming you. He is training you to always be wary of upsetting him. He is training you to walk on eggshells and believe his feelings are more important than yours and that your behaviour affects his feelings.

Just walk away. Avoid any further contact.

This

[Anonymous]

WOW! I'm always dumbfounded by the "HE'S wrong! He's abusive! He's narcisstic!" crowd. Like, how badly have some of you women been hurt by men to have such a horrible view of them? We don't know either one of these people, so while he could be a jealous killer maniac, there really is nothing in her post to let us know that.

It is very possible OP was being flirty at the party, thinking it was "cute" to make him a bit jealous. Women (and men) play those games all day long, especially young women.

Frankly, if I started a new relationship with a guy and he spent a lot of time talking to other females at a party, I would see that as a red flag too!!! Most men focus on the woman during social events or get together with a group of guys.

I think that the guy should've talked to OP about it but I can also understand him thinking, RED FLAG!

OP, I've been in your shoes several times before-being new to an area, not having many friends but longing to make them, then being invited to a party. I always, always, always struck up conversations with women.

Talking to a bunch of men is embarrassing and I was never going to do that to anyone I dated.

Self-awareness is needed here, OP. It doesn't look good.

I also agree you should let it go. I truly believe that people breaking up with you = a blessing in disguise that we may not see at the time. But don't focus only on him and his reaction. Seriously consider how your actions led to them. For every ACTION there is a REACTION.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flirting with other guys when you are at a party with your new boyfriend is pretty obnoxious. I don't know why he should be expected to accept that kind of treatment, which will probably get worse as the initial thrill of the relationship fades and your crave additional validation from men.

I agree.

It's not cute, OP.

I think he was smart to call it quits before he found himself in a situation where he's "fighting for your honor" or put in a situation where he's being pit against another man because you're so 'friendly' with men at parties.

Sane people leave at the sign of potential trouble, and I'm sure he knows there are tons of girls he can take to a party without them being in men's faces.

[Anonymous]

I don't know whether your socializing went over the line and I don't know whether this guy is controlling but he either can't or won't talk through problems and that's reason enough to be glad he's gone. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree 100% with PPs. He is a controlling, manipulative and a potential abuser - this isn't a red glad, it's a red siren.

Look at what's happening - you are already doubting yourself, looking back in your behavior at the party and questioning it - and you are ready to apologize to him for it.

Mark my words - he will be back, and if you take him back, this will become a pattern that will get worse and worse. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.