Guy I was seeing broke up with me because I talked (flirted?) to other guys at a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you shit-tested him by flirting with other men at a party to which you were supposed to have been his date.

He decided that, although he thought that the relationship had potential, he did not like being shit-tested.

There are plenty of men who put up with shit-testing for access to your vagina. He's just not one of them.

Move on, OP.

Oh please. Not every thing in life is a game. Flirting is not shit testing, it's normal human interaction.

Look, if you want to have a no flirting policy go for it. There are clearly others who share your world view. Just as Mike Pence won't drink without his wife present if other women are around. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

"Oh please. Not every thiyng in life is a game. Flirting is not shit testing, it's normal human interaction. "

It's a normal human interaction in some contexts. It's not something people when they're out on a date new in a relationship in front of the person they're out with. I would expect it to go poorly for me in a similar situation and I think that it's reasonable for him to see her decision to do that as a lack of interest or regard for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that it is practical for you to develop a stable of guys who are around if your current relationship fizzles out, but probably best to not do it in front of him.

"A stable of guys". Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will tell you that if I went to a party with a person I just started dating and spent my time "building contacts" with a bunch of other women because I was "new to the area," I wouldn't expect it to be well received.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twenty years ago I'd just started dating my husband (much more introverted than I am, started dating end of freshman year) and was a sophomore in college. We went to a Halloween party. He got tired and wanted to leave. He said that there was no reason my night should have to end if I was having fun. I bumped into a (very cute) man who was in one of my classes and he asked me to dance. We ended up party hopping / dancing at a few parties. He knew I was dating someone else. At any rate, at the end of the evening I said good night to him and want back to the dorms and crawled into bed with my (now) husband. He asked if I'd had fun. I don't expect everyone to be that understanding but appreciated that he was going to be a relationship with trust and not much (any?) jealousy. If you're extroverted, naturally flirtatious, or not ready to act differently this man might not be for you.

Oh, I'd forgotten that on a earlier date to a BBQ with a bunch of his friends whom I didn't know my husband had asked if I was embarrassed to be with him. I was really surprised because I'd been trying not to be clingy / cramp his style at all. I guess I want overboard giving him space. Other that discussion when we were figuring out each other's preferences I don't remember it being a problem.

Hanging out with a male friend is different than going to a party as someone's date and spending lots of time in other men's faces while he's there.

I trust my guy to hang out with friends too, but that talking to females while I'm there as your date WHEN WE'RE JUST STARTING OUT and building trust is a no no.

You and your bf already had an established foundation. You can't assume he'd be okay in the situation very early on before he knew he could trust you.

It was likely seeing how you behaved at parties with him that put him at such ease later on.

Apples and oranges.

When you two are at parties, your bf never talks to a woman beyond basic greetings?

1. No. He really doesn't. A stranger-female gets less than 10 secs of his time. If that! For one, he respects me. Secondly, he's a man's man. He'd much rather huddle and talk sports or work.

2. He wasn't OP's boyfriend. They haven't established trust. And it's not like these were old friends of hers. She was making the acquaintances of strange men in order to make new friends. I don't understand why she wasn't seeking female friends.

[Anonymous]

OP said she was actively trying to build her new contacts when she was talking to these guys. Not just chit chatting. That would be a pretty big red flag if i were a guy who had just started dating her. OP sounds immature. Guy sounds pretty normal. If the guy was super into OP, he probably would have sucked it up. Sounds like he didn't like OP all that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you shit-tested him by flirting with other men at a party to which you were supposed to have been his date.

He decided that, although he thought that the relationship had potential, he did not like being shit-tested.

There are plenty of men who put up with shit-testing for access to your vagina. He's just not one of them.

Move on, OP.

Oh please. Not every thing in life is a game. Flirting is not shit testing, it's normal human interaction.

Look, if you want to have a no flirting policy go for it. There are clearly others who share your world view. Just as Mike Pence won't drink without his wife present if other women are around. To each their own.

It's a normal human interaction if you are trying to find a romantic partner. It is a human 'mating' ritual. A way of attracting a mate.

Flirting once you have a partner is just attention seeking. Flirting in front of your partner is shit testing.

[Anonymous]

What is with this whole "controlling" thing women now throw around? It's used so much now that it has lost its impact. How about she should have respected his feelings and when she didn't he bolted? Isn't that a more likely scenario? I wouldn't date a woman who flirted with other guys at a party when we were first dating. Sounds terrible to be put in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with this whole "controlling" thing women now throw around? It's used so much now that it has lost its impact. How about she should have respected his feelings and when she didn't he bolted? Isn't that a more likely scenario? I wouldn't date a woman who flirted with other guys at a party when we were first dating. Sounds terrible to be put in that situation.

Feminism sees men as controlling and abusive and women as oppressed victims. So through that lens, it is always the man's fault. That is why the focus is always on teaching boys and men how to respect women, and teaching women what it means to be respected. The opposite doesn't happen. Men aren't being taught be respected by women and women aren't taught to respect men - as that is seen as misogynistic by many feminists.

Due to historical oppression, many believe that women can treat men how ever they want and men need to just take it.

Spend some time on some of the feminism focused discussion boards (reddit has a few). Their views will be eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP was playing the field or trying to get non-exclusive BF jealous and it crashed and burned. Now she came to DCUM because the women will all tell how lucky she is to have found out etc. Truth is she was on a date and was flirting with other guys, guy was right to run away.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said she was actively trying to build her new contacts when she was talking to these guys. Not just chit chatting. That would be a pretty big red flag if i were a guy who had just started dating her. OP sounds immature. Guy sounds pretty normal. If the guy was super into OP, he probably would have sucked it up. Sounds like he didn't like OP all that much.

"Build her new contacts" is code for look for an upgrade.

[Anonymous]

Player got played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said she was actively trying to build her new contacts when she was talking to these guys. Not just chit chatting. That would be a pretty big red flag if i were a guy who had just started dating her. OP sounds immature. Guy sounds pretty normal. If the guy was super into OP, he probably would have sucked it up. Sounds like he didn't like OP all that much.

Why try to build contacts with MEN at a PARTY where you have a date???

There are work-alumni related happy hours every single day of the week in the DMV.

It has to be embarrassing for the date to show up with someone you want to show off to your friends only to look like a fool when she presents herself as overly friendly to other men.

[Anonymous]

Too much drama too early on. Let this one go. Agree it's not cool.to flirt with others when on a date but doesn't seem like you were overt so hard to tell..you should be aware of his feelings but he should have signaled something at the party if he was upset. Break g up with you, telling you he thought you were special but you weren't is immature. Just move on, date someone more secure, be more aware of showing your date that you like him next time. And leave networking to when you not on a date.

[Anonymous]

Stop acting like a slut and this won't happen.