Guy I was seeing broke up with me because I talked (flirted?) to other guys at a party.

[Anonymous]

OP. I have been in your exact situation. At a party with my boyfriend, I talked to a guy. I had no idea who that guy was and certainly wasn't "flirting.". After party, BF accused me of flirting with other men. When I said I wasn't, I was just being polite and trying to talk to people at this party who were all BF's circle of friends, BF explained that his previous GF cheated on him and alleged that the guy I had been talking to was somehow involved. At the time, I accepted that story and somehow thought it was a one-time unique situation. We continued to date, but over time his jealousy came up again and again. When he proposed and I said yes, I literally said inside my head, maybe now he will feel more secure about us.

He never felt secure. His issues escalated to emotional abuse, and I finally ended it permanently the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me.

We were together for 8 years. Engaged. Bought a house together. I am SOOO glad I never submitted to his pressure to get married and have a baby. I would have never escaped him then.

In retrospect, I can see how he slowly started to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. The earliest clues were the jealousy and intense and early insistence on exclusivity and saying "I love you" (like the first month of knowing him). I wasted so much time thinking his jealousy had something to do with me or my behaviour (which was appropriate, but somehow, I thought, misinterpreted by him.) It's practically a decade I wasted, and the after effects of the emotional abuse really warped my brain for even longer.

Please go no contact with him. This is classic early abuser phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to think back and can't recall overtly flirting, then you probably were not. I know when I'm flirting and I'd remember doing it. I think he is not interested and used this as the reason to end it.

If you read the OP she remembers what she did and why the BF would see it as flirting

[Anonymous]

The mental gymnastics here name-calling the BF an abuser and controlling are impressive. OP even says "we're not exclusive" as if that's a relevant tidbit when she's allegedly "networking" with only guys at a party on a Sat night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I have been in your exact situation. At a party with my boyfriend, I talked to a guy. I had no idea who that guy was and certainly wasn't "flirting.". After party, BF accused me of flirting with other men. When I said I wasn't, I was just being polite and trying to talk to people at this party who were all BF's circle of friends, BF explained that his previous GF cheated on him and alleged that the guy I had been talking to was somehow involved. At the time, I accepted that story and somehow thought it was a one-time unique situation. We continued to date, but over time his jealousy came up again and again. When he proposed and I said yes, I literally said inside my head, maybe now he will feel more secure about us.

He never felt secure. His issues escalated to emotional abuse, and I finally ended it permanently the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me.

We were together for 8 years. Engaged. Bought a house together. I am SOOO glad I never submitted to his pressure to get married and have a baby. I would have never escaped him then.

In retrospect, I can see how he slowly started to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. The earliest clues were the jealousy and intense and early insistence on exclusivity and saying "I love you" (like the first month of knowing him). I wasted so much time thinking his jealousy had something to do with me or my behaviour (which was appropriate, but somehow, I thought, misinterpreted by him.) It's practically a decade I wasted, and the after effects of the emotional abuse really warped my brain for even longer.

Please go no contact with him. This is classic early abuser phase.

Did you even read OP's post? She was chatting up a bunch of men, and even admits she may have been flirting. You don't go on a date with a new boyfriend and flirt with a bunch of other guys. New boyfriend getting upset about her flirting with other guys (not one, multiple) in not him being controlling, it is him realizing that he is dating someone who is more interested in playing the field than being his girlfriend. He was right to end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

You stated that you are not "mutually exclusive," then at the end of your post said that he broke it off w/you.

I am not clear on your relationship dynamic here, but what I am clear on is this guy has a lot of insecurities that he needs to get rid of prior to dating ANYone.

His ex obviously damaged him & he needs to work through any emotional damage he may have suffered as a result.

In the meantime, he is in no shape to date while you also do not seem ready to be exclusive w/one person yet.

And that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I have been in your exact situation. At a party with my boyfriend, I talked to a guy. I had no idea who that guy was and certainly wasn't "flirting.". After party, BF accused me of flirting with other men. When I said I wasn't, I was just being polite and trying to talk to people at this party who were all BF's circle of friends, BF explained that his previous GF cheated on him and alleged that the guy I had been talking to was somehow involved. At the time, I accepted that story and somehow thought it was a one-time unique situation. We continued to date, but over time his jealousy came up again and again. When he proposed and I said yes, I literally said inside my head, maybe now he will feel more secure about us.

He never felt secure. His issues escalated to emotional abuse, and I finally ended it permanently the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me.

We were together for 8 years. Engaged. Bought a house together. I am SOOO glad I never submitted to his pressure to get married and have a baby. I would have never escaped him then.

In retrospect, I can see how he slowly started to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. The earliest clues were the jealousy and intense and early insistence on exclusivity and saying "I love you" (like the first month of knowing him). I wasted so much time thinking his jealousy had something to do with me or my behaviour (which was appropriate, but somehow, I thought, misinterpreted by him.) It's practically a decade I wasted, and the after effects of the emotional abuse really warped my brain for even longer.

Please go no contact with him. This is classic early abuser phase.

Did you even read OP's post? She was chatting up a bunch of men, and even admits she may have been flirting. You don't go on a date with a new boyfriend and flirt with a bunch of other guys. New boyfriend getting upset about her flirting with other guys (not one, multiple) in not him being controlling, it is him realizing that he is dating someone who is more interested in playing the field than being his girlfriend. He was right to end the relationship.

Yes. I read OPs post. Here is what she says....

"not even officially exclusive"

"I did not think I was flirting"

"I was being friendly and trying to meet new people"

"I was trying to balance spending time with him and meeting new people."

It was a party. It's normal at parties to talk to different people, including other men. If you are a guy who aspires to be a boyfriend to someone, then it would be to your benefit to have the "mutually exclusive" "status of our relationship is boyfriend/girlfriend" conversation with the other partner. If you are the kind of boyfriend who thinks that being boyfriend/girlfriend with someone means that your woman shouldn't be talking to other men, then you better have that conversation upfront, 'cuz I can assure you that there are a lot of women out there who don't like it when men turn normal social interaction into some kind of loyalty/possession test.

[Anonymous]

There's good advice for you here OP:

http://mashable.com/2014/10/08/tips-for-single-women/#UElMzwrvRgqi

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I have been in your exact situation. At a party with my boyfriend, I talked to a guy. I had no idea who that guy was and certainly wasn't "flirting.". After party, BF accused me of flirting with other men. When I said I wasn't, I was just being polite and trying to talk to people at this party who were all BF's circle of friends, BF explained that his previous GF cheated on him and alleged that the guy I had been talking to was somehow involved. At the time, I accepted that story and somehow thought it was a one-time unique situation. We continued to date, but over time his jealousy came up again and again. When he proposed and I said yes, I literally said inside my head, maybe now he will feel more secure about us.

He never felt secure. His issues escalated to emotional abuse, and I finally ended it permanently the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me.

We were together for 8 years. Engaged. Bought a house together. I am SOOO glad I never submitted to his pressure to get married and have a baby. I would have never escaped him then.

In retrospect, I can see how he slowly started to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. The earliest clues were the jealousy and intense and early insistence on exclusivity and saying "I love you" (like the first month of knowing him). I wasted so much time thinking his jealousy had something to do with me or my behaviour (which was appropriate, but somehow, I thought, misinterpreted by him.) It's practically a decade I wasted, and the after effects of the emotional abuse really warped my brain for even longer.

Please go no contact with him. This is classic early abuser phase.

Did you even read OP's post? She was chatting up a bunch of men, and even admits she may have been flirting. You don't go on a date with a new boyfriend and flirt with a bunch of other guys. New boyfriend getting upset about her flirting with other guys (not one, multiple) in not him being controlling, it is him realizing that he is dating someone who is more interested in playing the field than being his girlfriend. He was right to end the relationship.

NP. What? No she didn't. You are crazy and perhaps an abuser yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, this happened to a friend of mine. And she wasn't even flirting, just being friendly to a guy we know who is an enormous flirt. (and who has a girlfriend with whom he seems pretty happy.)

I told her that was probably not the real reason he broke up - he probably had other reasons he was having trouble putting into words and picked that as the reason. And if it was the real reason, that was just sad because she was doing NOTHING wrong. And that she deserved better than someone so insecure that they would be jealous of her getting a hug hello from a male friend.

[Anonymous]

You dodged a bullet. Move on. He would not be a good long-term partner. Jealous, controlling, etc. Be thankful you saw this early on before you invested too much time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You dodged a bullet. Move on. He would not be a good long-term partner. Jealous, controlling, etc. Be thankful you saw this early on before you invested too much time!

He dodged a bullet too. Now he won't be hurt by a skank who will cheat on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dodged a bullet. Move on. He would not be a good long-term partner. Jealous, controlling, etc. Be thankful you saw this early on before you invested too much time!

He dodged a bullet too. Now he won't be hurt by a skank who will cheat on him.

^and this is a classic example of when you move on. Any guy who calls another woman a "skank" and predicts she will cheat is a guy who has serious problems viewing women as anything more than sexual objects to be controlled.

If I ever caught my BF calling another woman a skank, a b*^# or a c*%%, I would drop him like a hot potato, no calls, no further contact.

There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with the reapect and courtesy that every human being deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dodged a bullet. Move on. He would not be a good long-term partner. Jealous, controlling, etc. Be thankful you saw this early on before you invested too much time!

He dodged a bullet too. Now he won't be hurt by a skank who will cheat on him.

^and this is a classic example of when you move on. Any guy who calls another woman a "skank" and predicts she will cheat is a guy who has serious problems viewing women as anything more than sexual objects to be controlled.

If I ever caught my BF calling another woman a skank, a b*^# or a c*%%, I would drop him like a hot potato, no calls, no further contact.

There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with the reapect and courtesy that every human being deserves.

If I caught my GF flirting with other men at a party, I would drop her like a hot potato, no calls, no further contact.

There are plenty of women out there who will treat you with the respect and courtesy that every human being deserves, i.e., by not flirting with other people right in front of you.

[Anonymous]

we needn’t to stop slut shaming OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^and this is a classic example of when you move on. Any guy who calls another woman a "skank" and predicts she will cheat is a guy who has serious problems viewing women as anything more than sexual objects to be controlled.

If I ever caught my BF calling another woman a skank, a b*^# or a c*%%, I would drop him like a hot potato, no calls, no further contact.

There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with the reapect and courtesy that every human being deserves.

you sound hot, I’d play with it. PM me.