Guy I was seeing broke up with me because I talked (flirted?) to other guys at a party.

[Anonymous]

We are not even officially exclusive and have not even discussed what our relationship is. We went to a party together and he left upset. He said that I was flirting with other guys, and he sees this as a sign that I will cheat on him. His previous GF cheated on him.

I did not think I was flirting, but maybe I was? Now that I think about it, I CAN see how he saw it that way. I was being friendly and trying to meet new people (I am new to the area and have few friends).

He later tells me how MUCH he really likes me and that he saw a future with us. But now that I have flirted right in front of him, he "cannot do this."

WTH? Why didn't he tell me that he felt that I was ignoring him at the party? I was trying to balance spending time with him and meeting new people. Now I am a potential cheater.

I have tried talking to him, apologizing, and tell him that I didn't realize that he was upset. Rather than talk to me, he ended it.

What do you make of this?

[Anonymous]

Flirting with other guys when you are at a party with your new boyfriend is pretty obnoxious. I don't know why he should be expected to accept that kind of treatment, which will probably get worse as the initial thrill of the relationship fades and your crave additional validation from men.

[Anonymous]

He is a looser. Run. Run. Run.

And Call one of the other guys from the party

[Anonymous]

Red flag. He's jealous, controlling, and dramatic, and will take his issues with his last gf out on you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a blessing in disguise. Cut your loses and move on. He sounds insecure and manipulative.

[Anonymous]

This can be controlling behavior. I would run. This could be a tactic to get you to behave a certain way.

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't consider flirting to be bad unless it is sexual in nature. If you were just making someone else feel good, no biggie. Only you know which is which.

If it was the latter, though, and this guy couldn't handle it, you are better off without him. He needs to work through his insecurities first.

[Anonymous]

Being friendly and social is not flirting. And even if he saw your behavior as flirting, he does not own you. You are not married to him. He sounds immature and a little scary.

[Anonymous]

i think he's just not into it.

[Anonymous]

Thank your lucky stars. This is a classic opening ploy of an abuser. Jealosy is a common problem for them and it is not a subject that can be rationalized. He is grooming you. He is training you to always be wary of upsetting him. He is training you to walk on eggshells and believe his feelings are more important than yours and that your behaviour affects his feelings.

Just walk away. Avoid any further contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flirting with other guys when you are at a party with your new boyfriend is pretty obnoxious. I don't know why he should be expected to accept that kind of treatment, which will probably get worse as the initial thrill of the relationship fades and your crave additional validation from men.

He's not her boyfriend and she wasn't flirting. Project much?

[Anonymous]

He has done you the biggest favor in your life. This is how it starts. One day he is going to pair up with some girl who has extremely poor self esteem and gradually take full control of her entire life. He will dictate who she can talk to, what she can wear, and where she can go. He will isolate her from her friends and family, and control all her finances so she cannot escape his control.

You think I'm being extreme, but it starts with him accusing you of flirting, and then cheating. A weaker woman will fold to try to calm his paranoia. You did not do that, so he dumped you. Normal men do not act like this. You can and will do better because you're not a doormat.

[Anonymous]

This is not someone you want to be with. He may be burnt from his experience with his last girlfriend, or he may be a jealous and controlling sort of person. Either way, you dodged a bullet and it really is a blessing and time to move on.

[Anonymous]

I think that it is practical for you to develop a stable of guys who are around if your current relationship fizzles out, but probably best to not do it in front of him.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure his previous girlfriend cheated on him? Or did he just say that about her the way he says that about you. He is a serial abuser.

He will try to get you back but DON'T DO IT. The cycle of abuse will start all over again, only worse and worse each time.