Young adult with special needs flashed his penis to my 4 YO daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew. As someone who works in criminal justice, I'd probably have him arrested.

While I am sympethetic to the parents and his special needs, knowing that he will continue this behavior unchecked until he finally touches a little girl would make me take action.

This is not a child, this is man. A sexual man who doesn't understand his feelings and will eventually either masturbate in front of or touch a child.

OP again, and this is what brings me back to the issue and why it haunts me.

I don't want to have him arrested, but I wish there were a third option (between "have him arrested" and "ignore it").

There is, unfortunately, his parents/family isn't willing to be that third option.

[Anonymous]

I would press charges. If he started yelling at you after it happened I would be scared for my safety. Just because someone has a disability doesn't mean they get to harm others. If his parents won't/can't take care of it then you need to escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY did OP lawyer up? Five pages later and I still don't understand it.

A thing happened. It was alarming, but the parents of the individual said they would take care of it. Then....nothing else happened but OP kept calling them. And calling them. Even though nothing else had happened. She didn't have anything to report, she just wanted to....what? Inform the parents that she had spoken to a pediatrician that didn't even know the individual?

As if the parents of a developmentally disabled adult know less about what he can or should do than some rando pediatrician who has never seen him?

I understand the timeline is confusing, as it has been revealed on here. It was basically that his parents had said some misleading things to us, or rather, changed their minds, so first it was that they'd tell his case worker / he'd be supervised / not walk by our house, then he was not supervised and was not only walking past our house but walking onto our driveway yelling. I believe after that incident we tried to call the parents again (I mean, he was yelling at me on my property!?) and they didn't return my call, so we called the police to find out what our options were. Again, we didn't press charges, but there was an initial report filed and the officer said she'd try to talk to the family.

If the police thought it was a crime, it wouldn't matter whether you wanted to press charges or not. The state would do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your daughter away from him. Don't invite more trouble into the house of the poor parents of this man. They are already living in a special hell. Mind your business and your family. If he approaches you, say "Hi Larlo" and walk the other way. If he comes into your yard, tell him to go home. The burden is on you, fair or not.

Are you crazy??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY did OP lawyer up? Five pages later and I still don't understand it.

A thing happened. It was alarming, but the parents of the individual said they would take care of it. Then....nothing else happened but OP kept calling them. And calling them. Even though nothing else had happened. She didn't have anything to report, she just wanted to....what? Inform the parents that she had spoken to a pediatrician that didn't even know the individual?

As if the parents of a developmentally disabled adult know less about what he can or should do than some rando pediatrician who has never seen him?

I understand the timeline is confusing, as it has been revealed on here. It was basically that his parents had said some misleading things to us, or rather, changed their minds, so first it was that they'd tell his case worker / he'd be supervised / not walk by our house, then he was not supervised and was not only walking past our house but walking onto our driveway yelling. I believe after that incident we tried to call the parents again (I mean, he was yelling at me on my property!?) and they didn't return my call, so we called the police to find out what our options were. Again, we didn't press charges, but there was an initial report filed and the officer said she'd try to talk to the family.

If the police thought it was a crime, it wouldn't matter whether you wanted to press charges or not. The state would do it.

Defense attorney here. A crime was clearly committed- against both mother and daughter. Whether or not he has a mental illness defense is a different issue. The police DO NOT go to prosecutors with every single allegation of criminal conduct. They are too damn busy.
It is good that now he is on the radar of the police. If this happens again, they probably will go to the prosecutors.
This may have been a one time only event. It may have been just the beginning of an escalation. Most sexual crimes I have seen have involed other adults just looking the other way.
Good for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He has not done it again, although he did come into our driveway yelling angrily at me, and I ran into my house. This was several months ago. Then our neighbor said he also came onto their property and started harassing their nanny. I assume he's upset with us about the situation. We have otherwise avoided him like the plague, so there would be no other opportunity for it to happen.

He has tourettes as well, by the way, so I can hear when he's out for a walk or when he's approaching our house, making it at least easier to run inside if he's approaching. But it also means it's harder for me to forget about it, because I hear him several times a day, every day.

I guess I don't know what I want, except perhaps for this young man to be supervised and occupied during the day, and for his parents to have taken our concerns seriously (and to have believed us. And to have returned our calls, so that we could have remained in communication about the issue).

Also, I feel like I have whiplash when I try talking about this issue because if I bring it up with people who are not sensitive to those with special needs, they are horrified that I wouldn't have him arrested, and for those who are more sensitive, I hear I should let it go "unless it happens again" which seems like a weird standard because I'm not letting my kids near him again. I don't care about being flashed but I don't want my 4 YO daughter (or 1 YO daughter) to be flashed by an adult man. His special needs wouldn't make it any less traumatic for my daughters.

OP you are completely overreacting! Sounds to me like the parents DID take care of it. 1. he hasn't flashed you or your kids again. 2. he's clearly mad at you, which to me sounds like his parents gave him the "what for" and punished him appropriately.

You can't control the outside world. What if a homeless man walked down your street and flashed your kids....one time? Or what about ALL the homeless people we see around the city talking to themselves, shouting, yelling at nothing. How do you handle that with your kids? You can't call the police EVERY SINGLE TIME a person walks down your public sidewalk. It's just not realistic and makes you look like the crazy one.

And I'm not saying it's not traumatic or bad for your kid to have experienced that. Of course it is and sounds like - at first - you handled it appropriately. But then for a whole year and longer to continue to demand that this guy not walk down the street? That's crazy.

It sounds like he hasn't done anything illegal in a year. Yelling at you (again - think of all the homeless folks yelling around here every day) isn't a crime. And it sounds like you are traumatizing your kids more than this guy is.

You need to teach your kids about mental illness but seriously move on from last year's incident. Just because he flashed you over a year ago (and hasn't done it since) doesn't mean you're at a high risk of it happening again. But now you're better prepared if by a slim chance it happens again. You can be prepared to say "STOP THAT" or "I"M TELLING YOUR MOTHER" or even have your phone on the ready and take his picture and then you can show his parents.

But until then, you are totally overreacting.

Actually, if a homeless person flashed me in front of my house I would call the police. I would also call the police if they flashed me in the national mall. There is no place where this behavior is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY did OP lawyer up? Five pages later and I still don't understand it.

A thing happened. It was alarming, but the parents of the individual said they would take care of it. Then....nothing else happened but OP kept calling them. And calling them. Even though nothing else had happened. She didn't have anything to report, she just wanted to....what? Inform the parents that she had spoken to a pediatrician that didn't even know the individual?

As if the parents of a developmentally disabled adult know less about what he can or should do than some rando pediatrician who has never seen him?

I understand the timeline is confusing, as it has been revealed on here. It was basically that his parents had said some misleading things to us, or rather, changed their minds, so first it was that they'd tell his case worker / he'd be supervised / not walk by our house, then he was not supervised and was not only walking past our house but walking onto our driveway yelling. I believe after that incident we tried to call the parents again (I mean, he was yelling at me on my property!?) and they didn't return my call, so we called the police to find out what our options were. Again, we didn't press charges, but there was an initial report filed and the officer said she'd try to talk to the family.

What I don't get is this. The crime was a year ago. If you call the police, realistically what would happen. They might interview the guy and the parents. And I can't imagine anything happening. While I understand the concern, I actually think that OP sounds a bit crazy.

If the police thought it was a crime, it wouldn't matter whether you wanted to press charges or not. The state would do it.

Defense attorney here. A crime was clearly committed- against both mother and daughter. Whether or not he has a mental illness defense is a different issue. The police DO NOT go to prosecutors with every single allegation of criminal conduct. They are too damn busy.
It is good that now he is on the radar of the police. If this happens again, they probably will go to the prosecutors.
This may have been a one time only event. It may have been just the beginning of an escalation. Most sexual crimes I have seen have involed other adults just looking the other way.
Good for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op, you can't live your life running into your house. You have the right to enjoy your front yard. I would buy a security camera to film the front yard. Do whatever you want to do in your front yard and ignore the guy. If he threatens you or flashes you, then it is recorded. More than likely is he walks by your house talking to himself or yelling and keeps on walking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your daughter away from him. Don't invite more trouble into the house of the poor parents of this man. They are already living in a special hell. Mind your business and your family. If he approaches you, say "Hi Larlo" and walk the other way. If he comes into your yard, tell him to go home. The burden is on you, fair or not.

Are you crazy??

No, I'm not crazy. The burden is me to keep my child the hell away from strange men. Unless this guy is in danger of breaking into your home, what access will have to her? Four year olds don't play in the neighborhood unsupervised. Ignore him. If he approaches you, walk away. It's pretty simple, again, unless you think he can somehow snatch her.

[Anonymous]

Would it be possible to get a restaining order against him so that he can't come within 200 yards of your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people on this thread are off their rockers.

OP did nothing wrong. She's trying to live and let live. This guy is flashing her young daughter near her house while the OP is sitting right with her, and chasing OP up her own driveway.

Question: How would you feel if you knew that he'd flashed two other little girls in the neighborhood before he flashed yours, and that yours wasn't prevented because the parents of those girls felt sorry for him and weren't sure that reporting it was the right thing to do?

For all you know, the reason they got a lawyer in the first place is that they received a similar report from someone else.

Some people are arguing that a man flashing a little girl isn't that bad, in any case. Others seem to be arguing that it's only not bad because he must be at the mental and therefore apparently sexual age of a 4 year old. Others are saying that it is bad. OP doesn't want to be a bad person. Luckily, OP doesn't need to worry about any of these things. What happened is a crime. It's your decision to look the other way, if you were the only affected party and you believe that it won't happen again. However, it sounds like you can't say that. So yeah, in this case I would report it.

He is not flashing her dd. He flashed her once...a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whew. As someone who works in criminal justice, I'd probably have him arrested.

While I am sympethetic to the parents and his special needs, knowing that he will continue this behavior unchecked until he finally touches a little girl would make me take action.

This is not a child, this is man. A sexual man who doesn't understand his feelings and will eventually either masturbate in front of or touch a child.

You don't know he will continue this behavior. He hasn't done it for over a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep your daughter away from him. Don't invite more trouble into the house of the poor parents of this man. They are already living in a special hell. Mind your business and your family. If he approaches you, say "Hi Larlo" and walk the other way. If he comes into your yard, tell him to go home. The burden is on you, fair or not.

Are you crazy??

No, I'm not crazy. The burden is me to keep my child the hell away from strange men. Unless this guy is in danger of breaking into your home, what access will have to her? Four year olds don't play in the neighborhood unsupervised. Ignore him. If he approaches you, walk away. It's pretty simple, again, unless you think he can somehow snatch her.

You're right that 4 year old preschoolers don't play by themselves but 8 yr old kids like to run around with their neighborhood friends. Is she supposed to never allow her child to go outside because a mentally challenged man lives in the neighborhood who exposes himself and is argumentative? Is she supposed to just hope that this man who has come in her driveway and yelled at her in retaliation will just go home next time? Yes, mom does have to keep her child safe and away from certain situations. However, we have laws and rules that need to be followed. I would have called the police the second he began to yell at me and I would press charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would it be possible to get a restaining order against him so that he can't come within 200 yards of your home?

What good would that do? He is not capable of understanding the restraining order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP should contact Adult Protective Services and say that the individual is being negligently supervised, and that he is putting himself in dangerous situations (I.e., risk of arrest).

It is possible that this behavior has been displayed in other settings: his day program if he has one, a recreation setting, etc. something like this could be used to show the need for higher level of service, more hours of service, etc.

One place he won't get any instruction on changing or eliminating this behavior is jail. And yes, people with I/DD can go to jail.

Adult Protective Services may be able to make the referral to the appropriate state developmental disabilities agency.

I'm sorry this happened to your child. I agree it would be very startling.

APS is for the adult being abused or neglected. Its not an appropriate call.

You're wrong. They also handle disabled adults who are at risk.