Young adult with special needs flashed his penis to my 4 YO daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't have the mental capacity to understand. You guys are going to get him institutionalized when he sounds harmless.

I mean, HE doesn't understand, but he has the ability to scar my children. And that's what makes this so problematic.

Educate them about people with special needs best as you can. Lots of things can scar kids for life but this isn't a really bad one. And when he asked you the question, maybe you didn't say no because you were shocked by the question so he thought it was ok?

I think until you have a child with special needs, you don't understand how hard it is for the parents.

[Anonymous]

OP here. All of the above is why I have not, and cannot imagine, having him arrested.

But. To be clear. An adult man showing his penis to a child is traumatizing, period. My 4 YO could a family member's penis (not saying she does) and it would not be. It's about context, and it's about power. Being clothed and outside the house, and removing your penis from your clothing - an ADULT penis, not a child penis, even if his mental capacity is that of a child - is a sexual threat in our society, whether it is intended that way or not.

Is it as traumatizing as being molested? Of course not. Is it something I want to avoid (and hence "run" or "rush" into my house when he comes by)? Most certainly. I can't believe that I would have to argue that point.

[Anonymous]

^^ OP again, I'll modify my use of the word "traumatizing." I don't think it scars for life. But it's bad. It's not good. It's something to avoid. It's something I'd have to talk to my kids about, in depth. Something to avoid. It's a big deal.

Also, given that he has flashed his penis and yelled at us, I don't exactly trust that he is otherwise in control of his behavior more generally. So I'm cautious with him. And above all I feel bad for him, because I think he should be occupied during the day, not wandering the streets alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP should move and leave the "poor man" alone so he can continue to do it to the neighbors and whoever moves in next?

No. The parents should take responsibility for supervising their dependent, sexually-inappropriate child.

+1. He may not understand the consequences of what he is doing but that doesn't mean he can't/won't do real harm to others with his actions. I can't believe how cavalier his parents are being about this.

+1000. The parents are the ones who are being irresponsible here. I can't believe someone would suggest the OP should move? Because HER daughter was flashed? What country do we live in?

I'm suggesting she moves because of her out of proportion reaction and her intolerance of the behaviors of people with special needs. Do you think these people want to have diminished mental capacity and be considered the pariah of society? The action of this person was not with malicious intent. Have some compassion.

[Anonymous]

If he is arrested (which I can easily see the police doing), the prosecutor won't proceed. He's not mentally fit to stand trial.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing OP, if he's arrested, nothing will happen. He's not a danger at the moment (sounds like for the past year all he's done is walk by your house) so APS is not really going to get involved again. You've talked to your kids. I mean sure , you can say something to the neighbors (although I caution against this) and if something has happened with one of them encourage them to try the parents again. But honestly, unless he actually does something, you're either going to just have to deal with it or move.

[Anonymous]

Why was your 4 year old out unsupervised. Leave the guy alone. It was inappropriate but he has challenges. Why would you post this online? What reaction do you need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was your 4 year old out unsupervised. Leave the guy alone. It was inappropriate but he has challenges. Why would you post this online? What reaction do you need?

You couldn't even bother to read the very first sentence of OP's post? She was with her daughter at the time it happened.

[Anonymous]

What about a different approach? It seems like you've thought about all of the ways this can impact all parties involved. Perhaps begin conversations with your now five year old about how mental illness works (lack of personal boundaries, can come off aggressive). Trying to "fix" the problem by pursing it will only show her what to do this one time. It's unlikely she'll run into more special needs neighbors who will expose themselves. It's more likely she'll be approached by someone living on the streets with special needs. The penis factor shouldn't be played up for the sake of the child. Why not use the approach of "Yes, that was a private part and we shouldn't share them with others". If she can understand to have empathy for someone with mental challenges she will be less likely to become traumatized in the future and more aware of how to keep herself safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is arrested (which I can easily see the police doing), the prosecutor won't proceed. He's not mentally fit to stand trial.

Oh, sweet summer child. If you think no one with intellectual delays has been prosecuted, you are sorely sorely mistaken. Hell, they've been executed for crimes they can't comprehend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP again, I'll modify my use of the word "traumatizing." I don't think it scars for life. But it's bad. It's not good. It's something to avoid. It's something I'd have to talk to my kids about, in depth. Something to avoid. It's a big deal.

Also, given that he has flashed his penis and yelled at us, I don't exactly trust that he is otherwise in control of his behavior more generally. So I'm cautious with him. And above all I feel bad for him, because I think he should be occupied during the day, not wandering the streets alone.

But OP, you're not his parents. Something in your interactions with his parents pushed them away/over the edge, enough to call an attorney. They must have felt somewhat threatened. Some of the posters on here don't agree with you at all, could you image if they had your phone number and could casually bring up their POV on what you should be doing about this? I think this is a situation where you need to understand you're not in control. You can only control so much but outside your property line is not your territory. It's frustrating when you feel in your heart you're doing the right thing, the good thing but you've got to accept this is beyond your control.

I don't say this to be snotty. I say this as a Mom who is learning how to balance the push and pull of it all.

[Anonymous]

And OP why did you post this on the "kids with special needs" forum?

[Anonymous]

This is a tough situation. I bet the parents felt threatened and called an attorney who - rightly - told them to stop speaking with you.

You seem to understand that having a mentally disabled person jailed for this is too harsh. Perhaps the other family cannot afford the kind of care you want him to have.

I agree with PPs that all you can really do here is to teach your very young and vulnerable child to stay away from this neighbor and to always get an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, you bark at the wrong tree (special needs sub-forum). These posters see things from his parents' point of view. They don't see anything wrong with a (mentally disabled) man whips (sorry) it out in front of a child.
You should post it in the General Parents sub-forum and get better advice there.

Anyway, I know you're sensitive to the issue and don't want him to be arrested, but don't make your kids suffer because of it.
You have a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All of the above is why I have not, and cannot imagine, having him arrested.

But. To be clear. An adult man showing his penis to a child is traumatizing, period. My 4 YO could a family member's penis (not saying she does) and it would not be. It's about context, and it's about power. Being clothed and outside the house, and removing your penis from your clothing - an ADULT penis, not a child penis, even if his mental capacity is that of a child - is a sexual threat in our society, whether it is intended that way or not.

Is it as traumatizing as being molested? Of course not. Is it something I want to avoid (and hence "run" or "rush" into my house when he comes by)? Most certainly. I can't believe that I would have to argue that point.

he needs to go to jail