Young adult with special needs flashed his penis to my 4 YO daughter

[Anonymous]

He has the right to walk around the neighborhood. What do you want him to do all day, OP. Sit in his room?

Even if he was "supervised" 24/7, he could still flash people.

You don't know what you want. You are vaguely upset. A YEAR AFTER THIS HAPPENED. With apparently nothing else happening.

Please...move on. For god's sake. MOVE ON.

[Anonymous]

This really has nothing to do with special needs kids, does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY did OP lawyer up? Five pages later and I still don't understand it.

A thing happened. It was alarming, but the parents of the individual said they would take care of it. Then....nothing else happened but OP kept calling them. And calling them. Even though nothing else had happened. She didn't have anything to report, she just wanted to....what? Inform the parents that she had spoken to a pediatrician that didn't even know the individual?

As if the parents of a developmentally disabled adult know less about what he can or should do than some rando pediatrician who has never seen him?

I understand the timeline is confusing, as it has been revealed on here. It was basically that his parents had said some misleading things to us, or rather, changed their minds, so first it was that they'd tell his case worker / he'd be supervised / not walk by our house, then he was not supervised and was not only walking past our house but walking onto our driveway yelling. I believe after that incident we tried to call the parents again (I mean, he was yelling at me on my property!?) and they didn't return my call, so we called the police to find out what our options were. Again, we didn't press charges, but there was an initial report filed and the officer said she'd try to talk to the family.

You see his parents as misleading you. It sounds to me as if (like most parents) they can't predict their adult child's behavior. How could they? They tried and it didn't work. What do you want here?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get supervision 24/7 for a disabled person? Really? Really? Let me break that down for you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get just competent supervision for a disabled person?

[Anonymous]

Keep your kid away from him. Who lets small kids wander around alone anyways?

It is not a big issue like you are making it. She needs to be supervised at all times.

This guy is mentally handicapped and does not know what he is doing. Arresting him won't do shit. Also he has not violated anyone so given his situation it probably won't go anywhere even if you do arrest him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew. As someone who works in criminal justice, I'd probably have him arrested.

While I am sympethetic to the parents and his special needs, knowing that he will continue this behavior unchecked until he finally touches a little girl would make me take action.

This is not a child, this is man. A sexual man who doesn't understand his feelings and will eventually either masturbate in front of or touch a child.

You don't know he will continue this behavior. He hasn't done it for over a year.

Honest question, why would he change? He doesn't understand that it's wrong just like a 3 year old doesn't. I'd bet that he has done it again, just not to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whew. As someone who works in criminal justice, I'd probably have him arrested.

While I am sympethetic to the parents and his special needs, knowing that he will continue this behavior unchecked until he finally touches a little girl would make me take action.

This is not a child, this is man. A sexual man who doesn't understand his feelings and will eventually either masturbate in front of or touch a child.

You don't know he will continue this behavior. He hasn't done it for over a year.

Honest question, why would he change? He doesn't understand that it's wrong just like a 3 year old doesn't. I'd bet that he has done it again, just not to OP.

just because he has an intellectual disability doesn't mean he can't learn. and just because he did it one time doesn't mean he is a pathological sex offender. it could have been a one-timd thing or a phase.

[Anonymous]

No one knows whether this man has an ID. All OP knows is he has Tourette's and doesn't get social boundaries. He could have autism -- and can learn.

And, since the flashing happened a year ago with no repeat, I think that's likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it be possible to get a restaining order against him so that he can't come within 200 yards of your home?

What good would that do? He is not capable of understanding the restraining order.

If so and if the parents didn't find a way to have him abide it then a different guardian would be appointed for him or he would be put in a different situation so that he abides by it.
But for one incident a year ago no one would approve a restraining order i don't think.

[Anonymous]

Allow me to simplify this for you, OP: YOU are not the supervisor, nor will you be.

Stop harassing his parents (it really does sound like harassment to me).

As others have said, all you can do is control your own interactions with him (and walking by your house is not an interaction). So, control that and nothing more. You can be firm with him, but not mean. But you DON'T continue to demand he be locked away out of your view. That's just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute! You mean a person with special needs acted *gasp* outside of societal norms and conditions to do so?!
No way!

And you even used your nice song song sweet voice when you asked him to stop before the interaction took place and he didn't stop? And worse, you can't tell your 4 yr old to be nice to "special needs" neighbor anymore because he doesn't act right? That's going to really screw up your "kids with special needs are just like us!" Happy narrative. Oh wait - that narrative really just included cute little kids whose special need is really just mental health challenges....

And why can't those parents control their kid? They should know he can't be out roaming in society! What the heck are they thinking?!

In all seriousness, though I agree with PP, the parents were upset, agreed to your unreasonable demands, got harassed by you, and lawyered up to protect their DS.

[Anonymous]

OP, there seems to be at least one poster on this thread who wants to berate you. I suggest we all stop feeding that troll.

I’m a mom of little girls and guardian for my SN brother. Who has no sexual filter. When I was a little girl I was harassed by the neighborhood SN man who was allowed to wander. I have had a (different) man expose himself to me. Just saying I bring several unique perspectives.
The parents are being neglectful. You did nothing wrong. Nice of you to reach out to the parents before turning to law enforcement.
I would never allow my brother to wander the streets, even though he hasn’t crossed the line to exposing himself (yet).
You can’t control l other people, so here’s what I would do, assuming money is not an issue. Get a fence and play in the backyard. Get whatever fence you are allowed to have in the front yard. Get a security system (I have one anyway) that includes video recording. Get a dog. These are all good ideas anyway IMHO.
I would either press charges now and let the system decide what intervention this guy needs, or I would back off unless something else happens. I’d do the first if my conscience really suggests to me that other girls will be harassed or more by the SN man. Listen to the little voice in your head and what it tells you. IMHO that was probably not the first time, nor will it be the last. And not all parents *do* supervise their kids like you do. What about the kids in the other front yards where mom is cooking or vacuuming and assuming everything in her own front yard is fine?

It takes a village. The parents should not be allowing this man to wander the streets. They are being neglectful. Out of concern for him and others, I do believe that at this point, since the parents have not modified his behavior, you should press charges.

[Anonymous]

PS, another consideration about allowing SN adults to wander isn’t just that they might behave inappropriately with others including kids – but that they can so easily be victimized themselves.

[Anonymous]

I would tell his parents that the next time their son is on your property, you will have him arrested and charged as a sex offender. Give them warning. And then, if he is near your daughter again, call the police.

[Anonymous]

Question: Is there a safe route this man could walk (as in no highways/busy intersections) that does NOT pass your house?


Clearly his parents are upset but I wonder if you can reapproach the situation calmly with a solution that benefits everyone.

Also, work on a firm, authoritative voice. Not yelling. Not shaky/scared. And say "joe. You need to go home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there seems to be at least one poster on this thread who wants to berate you. I suggest we all stop feeding that troll.

I’m a mom of little girls and guardian for my SN brother. Who has no sexual filter. When I was a little girl I was harassed by the neighborhood SN man who was allowed to wander. I have had a (different) man expose himself to me. Just saying I bring several unique perspectives.
The parents are being neglectful. You did nothing wrong. Nice of you to reach out to the parents before turning to law enforcement.
I would never allow my brother to wander the streets, even though he hasn’t crossed the line to exposing himself (yet).
You can’t control l other people, so here’s what I would do, assuming money is not an issue. Get a fence and play in the backyard. Get whatever fence you are allowed to have in the front yard. Get a security system (I have one anyway) that includes video recording. Get a dog. These are all good ideas anyway IMHO.
I would either press charges now and let the system decide what intervention this guy needs, or I would back off unless something else happens. I’d do the first if my conscience really suggests to me that other girls will be harassed or more by the SN man. Listen to the little voice in your head and what it tells you. IMHO that was probably not the first time, nor will it be the last. And not all parents *do* supervise their kids like you do. What about the kids in the other front yards where mom is cooking or vacuuming and assuming everything in her own front yard is fine?

It takes a village. The parents should not be allowing this man to wander the streets. They are being neglectful. Out of concern for him and others, I do believe that at this point, since the parents have not modified his behavior, you should press charges.

There hasn't been another incident, so you have no evidence that they haven't "modified his behavior." Not all disabled adults need to be locked up or under constant supervision. Every situation is different.