No food at ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She said she feels like she's rolling around because they eat OUT three meals every day for a week. Even doing your "put half in a doggie bag" trick, you're going to gain weight eating out every meal. Restaurants tend to cook with way more butter, salt, sugar, etc. than you would at home. I totally got what you were saying, PP.

You can learn to eat without gorging in restaurants. Pay attention to your stomach, not your plate.

[Anonymous]

My MIL would use old and moldy ingredients to cook with. I stpped eating at her house unless it is something we bought. She had money but she hated to waste anything. It was so gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who's in there?

Hey, it's me.

What's going on?

I'm making a snack.

What do you need?

Food. I'm hungry. Don't worry though, I'm making it myself.

Are you eating again?

Of course, I haven't eaten since 9am. Why aren't you eating? Should I be worried about you? Do you have an eating disorder? I know someone with an eating disorder and she didn't eat for 8 hours at a time either... maybe I could ask for a recommendation for an eating disorder therapist? I'm sure she'd know someone good around here... (etc)


I just can't take the judgment/scrutiny.

She's the one with an issue. Not you. Put the judgement back on her.

This is the right approach, minus the accusations that she has an eating disorder. (Although those were hilarious). Bring food, put it in the kitchen, eat it. Act like it is normal, do not apologize, answer her questions cheerfully and matter-of-factly. You say you "can't take" the judgement and scrutiny, but you need to! Just let it roll right off you. If she says "the kitchen is closed" at 7 pm, just say, "oh, I always eat a bit of ice-cream before bed, but don't worry, I'll clean up!" If she acts appalled, you can just say, "Well, we all have our little habits. Thanks for understanding!" and move on.

My mother has always been controlling around food, her own and others, and obsessed with everyone's weight. It's really sad and not something I want my kids to have to deal with. I notice, now, that when I got to their house and bring extra food, or we get take-out and bring it home, my father pounces on it like a hungry tiger that's just spotted prey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL would use old and moldy ingredients to cook with. I stpped eating at her house unless it is something we bought. She had money but she hated to waste anything. It was so gross.

My grandma is the same

I stopped eating there unless I know the stuff is fresh (unopened!).
We bring food when we go there or take her out to dinner.
She's upset we don't eat her food but I can't hurt her by telling her why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

I don't understand why YOU feel like you're "rolling around." You control how much actually goes in your mouth. Just becasue there are seven sides available doesn't mean you have to take them all. If others want to overeat, OK. If your kids get a few extra treats, OK. But no one is shoveling food in your mouth. Even if they have it stocked/around/available, you are the only one responsible for how much you eat, and what you eat.

I'm rolling around because it's excessive. Even if I just eat salads it feels overly-decadent. I don't normally eat breakfast and I always have a small lunch. It's just not the way I am!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who's in there?

Hey, it's me.

What's going on?

I'm making a snack.

What do you need?

Food. I'm hungry. Don't worry though, I'm making it myself.

Are you eating again?

Of course, I haven't eaten since 9am. Why aren't you eating? Should I be worried about you? Do you have an eating disorder? I know someone with an eating disorder and she didn't eat for 8 hours at a time either... maybe I could ask for a recommendation for an eating disorder therapist? I'm sure she'd know someone good around here... (etc)


I just can't take the judgment/scrutiny.

She's the one with an issue. Not you. Put the judgement back on her.

This is the right approach, minus the accusations that she has an eating disorder. (Although those were hilarious). Bring food, put it in the kitchen, eat it. Act like it is normal, do not apologize, answer her questions cheerfully and matter-of-factly. You say you "can't take" the judgement and scrutiny, but you need to! Just let it roll right off you. If she says "the kitchen is closed" at 7 pm, just say, "oh, I always eat a bit of ice-cream before bed, but don't worry, I'll clean up!" If she acts appalled, you can just say, "Well, we all have our little habits. Thanks for understanding!" and move on.

My mother has always been controlling around food, her own and others, and obsessed with everyone's weight. It's really sad and not something I want my kids to have to deal with. I notice, now, that when I got to their house and bring extra food, or we get take-out and bring it home, my father pounces on it like a hungry tiger that's just spotted prey.

That made me really sad for your father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

I don't understand why YOU feel like you're "rolling around." You control how much actually goes in your mouth. Just becasue there are seven sides available doesn't mean you have to take them all. If others want to overeat, OK. If your kids get a few extra treats, OK. But no one is shoveling food in your mouth. Even if they have it stocked/around/available, you are the only one responsible for how much you eat, and what you eat.

I'm rolling around because it's excessive. Even if I just eat salads it feels overly-decadent. I don't normally eat breakfast and I always have a small lunch. It's just not the way I am!

Then don't eat when you're not hungry, dum-dum!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

I don't understand why YOU feel like you're "rolling around." You control how much actually goes in your mouth. Just becasue there are seven sides available doesn't mean you have to take them all. If others want to overeat, OK. If your kids get a few extra treats, OK. But no one is shoveling food in your mouth. Even if they have it stocked/around/available, you are the only one responsible for how much you eat, and what you eat.

I'm rolling around because it's excessive. Even if I just eat salads it feels overly-decadent. I don't normally eat breakfast and I always have a small lunch. It's just not the way I am!

Any restaurant that serves breakfast serves cold cereal or granola, fruit, yogurt or other simple foods. Even if they serve you two eggs, two pieces of toast and two slices of bacon, you can eat one of all of those. Any restaurant that serves lunch or dinner food is going to have soups, salads, or simply prepared fish or lean meats. I'm sorry, but many people eat out at restaurants a lot, and manage to make sensible choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She said she feels like she's rolling around because they eat OUT three meals every day for a week. Even doing your "put half in a doggie bag" trick, you're going to gain weight eating out every meal. Restaurants tend to cook with way more butter, salt, sugar, etc. than you would at home. I totally got what you were saying, PP.

You can learn to eat without gorging in restaurants. Pay attention to your stomach, not your plate.

Pay attention to the post before responding, not your preconceived notions of what it says.

[Anonymous]

I find these judgy follow-on posts about what one "should" be consuming and in what amounts even more hilarious. Typical DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

I don't understand why YOU feel like you're "rolling around." You control how much actually goes in your mouth. Just becasue there are seven sides available doesn't mean you have to take them all. If others want to overeat, OK. If your kids get a few extra treats, OK. But no one is shoveling food in your mouth. Even if they have it stocked/around/available, you are the only one responsible for how much you eat, and what you eat.

I'm rolling around because it's excessive. Even if I just eat salads it feels overly-decadent. I don't normally eat breakfast and I always have a small lunch. It's just not the way I am!

Any restaurant that serves breakfast serves cold cereal or granola, fruit, yogurt or other simple foods. Even if they serve you two eggs, two pieces of toast and two slices of bacon, you can eat one of all of those. Any restaurant that serves lunch or dinner food is going to have soups, salads, or simply prepared fish or lean meats. I'm sorry, but many people eat out at restaurants a lot, and manage to make sensible choices.

I'm not saying I'm incapable of making sensible choices. I feel more full when I eat out 3 meals a day then when I cook at home. I will always eat slightly more when I eat out, which is usually two or three nights a week, but I'm not gorging myself I'm just eating differently than I do at home. My typical breakfast is coffee and a bite of what my kids are eating, a normal lunch for me is a small serving of sauteed veggies, early dinner is roasted chicken and veggies or a NY strip for all of us. I choose to indulge when I go out, which is why I eat carefully at home. When I go out for a week straight with my in-laws it messes up the whole balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying I'm incapable of making sensible choices. I feel more full when I eat out 3 meals a day then when I cook at home. I will always eat slightly more when I eat out, which is usually two or three nights a week, but I'm not gorging myself I'm just eating differently than I do at home. My typical breakfast is coffee and a bite of what my kids are eating, a normal lunch for me is a small serving of sauteed veggies, early dinner is roasted chicken and veggies or a NY strip for all of us. I choose to indulge when I go out, which is why I eat carefully at home. When I go out for a week straight with my in-laws it messes up the whole balance.

You really don't understand choosing to eat nonindulgently when you go out?

I'm not clear how you define things -- "eating slightly more" = "indulging" -- but if not feeling stuffed is important to you, make the choice that enables that to happen.

Or hang around feeling like a gorged tick. But don't blame the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that no one has mentioned that older people, in general, eat less than younger people. Both my parents and my ILs serve the pithiest little meals and we are also always hungry when we visit them. We just use the kids as an excuse and do a grocery trip when we visit either set of parents.

This is so true. Older people eat so much less and forget that this is not how they used to eat. I am also surprised by all the posters that have no problem going into a MIL's kitchen, stocking it with extra food and helping themselves, etc. I think that is a pretty rude houseguest.

I am very sympathetic to the poster, my mother is the same way. She has completely forgotten how much more kids and younger adults eat. She is no longer accustomed to cooking for more than two people or having people in her kitchen. She is definitely a control freak, but I also understand how difficult it is for some older people to shift gears. Every rattling of a wrapper, every time you open the fridge to look for something, she is in the kitchen in a flash to "help".

I don't have a great solution for you, but my approach has been: to realize this will be an issues so I try to focus on the other parts of the visit and not think about food too much, use it as an opportunity to lose some weight, feed the kids snacks on outings outside of the house, offer to take them out for dinner at least once a trip, offer to do more of the cooking so the portions are more appropriate. That combination gets us through, but meals and food in general are definitely not a highlight of the visit.

And we stay with her because she really wants us to.

We have similar issues (with my mother AND dh's mother), and handle it pretty much like this poster suggests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying I'm incapable of making sensible choices. I feel more full when I eat out 3 meals a day then when I cook at home. I will always eat slightly more when I eat out, which is usually two or three nights a week, but I'm not gorging myself I'm just eating differently than I do at home. My typical breakfast is coffee and a bite of what my kids are eating, a normal lunch for me is a small serving of sauteed veggies, early dinner is roasted chicken and veggies or a NY strip for all of us. I choose to indulge when I go out, which is why I eat carefully at home. When I go out for a week straight with my in-laws it messes up the whole balance.

You really don't understand choosing to eat nonindulgently when you go out?

I'm not clear how you define things -- "eating slightly more" = "indulging" -- but if not feeling stuffed is important to you, make the choice that enables that to happen.

Or hang around feeling like a gorged tick. But don't blame the restaurant.

So you consume what, 500 calories a day? Yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying I'm incapable of making sensible choices. I feel more full when I eat out 3 meals a day then when I cook at home. I will always eat slightly more when I eat out, which is usually two or three nights a week, but I'm not gorging myself I'm just eating differently than I do at home. My typical breakfast is coffee and a bite of what my kids are eating, a normal lunch for me is a small serving of sauteed veggies, early dinner is roasted chicken and veggies or a NY strip for all of us. I choose to indulge when I go out, which is why I eat carefully at home. When I go out for a week straight with my in-laws it messes up the whole balance.

You really don't understand choosing to eat nonindulgently when you go out?

I'm not clear how you define things -- "eating slightly more" = "indulging" -- but if not feeling stuffed is important to you, make the choice that enables that to happen.

Or hang around feeling like a gorged tick. But don't blame the restaurant.

So you consume what, 500 calories a day? Yikes

I don't think we're going to be able to address that here, but it is a little worrisome that her kids are getting so little food ("Here's your share of the steak!"). They probably love visiting the grandparents because there's food abounding.