No food at ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that no one has mentioned that older people, in general, eat less than younger people. Both my parents and my ILs serve the pithiest little meals and we are also always hungry when we visit them. We just use the kids as an excuse and do a grocery trip when we visit either set of parents.

Huh?

23:02

Anonymous wrote: Elderly inactive people can have such slow metabolisms that they really don't need much in the way of food, but perhaps they are also trying to make you eat less?

00:33

Anonymous wrote:
Older people really do not need a lot of food and food often cause stomach distress.

07:27

Anonymous wrote:Old people eat so much less.

[Anonymous]

MIL and FIL were having a stressful conversation which I wasn't suppose to hear. FIL unhappy MIL hadn't bought enough sliced ham. But it was apparently my doing as I took 4 slices instead of the anticipated 3.

[Anonymous]

I usually keep a few boxes of protein bars or granola bars in the bedroom when I visit relatives because I get hungry at non-meal times and don't want to be judged for opening up the kitchen.

We recently left a relative's house early because they made a huge issue out of my 3-yr-old (who is taking OT for eating) not eating exactly what they provided for each meal, and my child was going hungry. I know this is a separate issue, but part of hosting is to adapt to the unique needs of your guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that no one has mentioned that older people, in general, eat less than younger people. Both my parents and my ILs serve the pithiest little meals and we are also always hungry when we visit them. We just use the kids as an excuse and do a grocery trip when we visit either set of parents.

This is so true. Older people eat so much less and forget that this is not how they used to eat. I am also surprised by all the posters that have no problem going into a MIL's kitchen, stocking it with extra food and helping themselves, etc. I think that is a pretty rude houseguest.

I am very sympathetic to the poster, my mother is the same way. She has completely forgotten how much more kids and younger adults eat. She is no longer accustomed to cooking for more than two people or having people in her kitchen. She is definitely a control freak, but I also understand how difficult it is for some older people to shift gears. Every rattling of a wrapper, every time you open the fridge to look for something, she is in the kitchen in a flash to "help".

I don't have a great solution for you, but my approach has been: to realize this will be an issues so I try to focus on the other parts of the visit and not think about food too much, use it as an opportunity to lose some weight, feed the kids snacks on outings outside of the house, offer to take them out for dinner at least once a trip, offer to do more of the cooking so the portions are more appropriate. That combination gets us through, but meals and food in general are definitely not a highlight of the visit.

And we stay with her because she really wants us to.

Children and grandchildren are family. They are not houseguests.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's just not making other people happy. Accept and move on. I remember saying we graze and eat between meals and getting shit from DCUM like there's no tomorrow. People were telling me I had a... I can't remember the exact words. A relationship with food that's not up to some sort of their standards. Don't be those people.

[Anonymous]

This describes my parents exactly. My mom has food issues and doesn't eat. When she does, she binges. Food to her is maybe one meal a day or an appetizer or salad out. It is super frustrating with two young children, including an infant who is breastfeeding. We just go to the grocery store when we get there. I'm not hiding food in my room (I totally used to do the protein bars, nuts and peanut butter crackers) or eating in secret. It is creepy. Told my mom that we are active and need three meals a day, especially the toddler. If she doesn't want us eating, we can stay at a hotel or with my aunt. That shut her up. Now she will ask us what we need as far as food. Often there is nothing except lunchmeat, some frozen vegetables, lettuce and tomatoes, a few apples and milk. My mom acts like my husband and I eat too much. My husband and I are both very fit and trim. We exercise a ton and rarely use a car. We need to eat!

[Anonymous]

The judgement on this thread is ridiculous. Yes, please, fat shame your friends and relatives. Then wonder why nobody likes you. I'd much rather be fat and happy than thin and a miserable wench.

OP, I wouldn't stay with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

People have different needs when it comes to food. I'd hate to stay somewhere where I'm hungry!!!!!! Can you go to a supermarket and get your own groceries if there is nothing to eat??? I would probably stay somewhere else if it's too much grief on the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have the exact same problem. This time I packed food in my suitcase and have been secretly eating upstairs. Tomorrow, I am sneaking the evidence out (i.e. wrappers).

Wow, that's horrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:np: When relatives visit us, I hate dishing out every meal for them but I do it. Then they hurt my feelings by going out to eat, implying my meals weren't satisfying. When we visit relatives, we have to bring all our own food because we keep kosher. They live where there are no kosher restaurants. It's hard.

I'm just curious why you accept relatives visiting you at all? If you hate dishing out every meal, it means you don't want to host, which is fine, but just say that it doesn't work for you or you don't enjoy hosting or whatever. I'm sure they don't enjoy your judgement that they need to eat "EVERY meal". Maybe they just want to get away from you and your attitude, because you're the type that everyone is complaining about on this thread. Or maybe you don't make enough food or you just aren't a good cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't have a great solution for you, but my approach has been: to realize this will be an issues so I try to focus on the other parts of the visit and not think about food too much, use it as an opportunity to lose some weight,

Unnecessary weight loss! Yay!

If guests are high-maintenance, I can see hosts not being inclined to accommodate them (and to accept gracefully that the guests may decide to stay elsewhere), but wanting three meals a day and possibly some basic snacks, such as fruit and yogurt? That may be more food than some people want to eat, but it's hardly unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who's in there?

Hey, it's me.

What's going on?

I'm making a snack.

What do you need?

Food. I'm hungry. Don't worry though, I'm making it myself.

Are you eating again?

Of course, I haven't eaten since 9am. Why aren't you eating? Should I be worried about you? Do you have an eating disorder? I know someone with an eating disorder and she didn't eat for 8 hours at a time either... maybe I could ask for a recommendation for an eating disorder therapist? I'm sure she'd know someone good around here... (etc)


I just can't take the judgment/scrutiny.

She's the one with an issue. Not you. Put the judgement back on her.

And if she says anything beyond the above, just say that food is necessary for life, and if it's not possible to eat the way normal people eat while you're in her house then you guys will have to decline visits in future. And maybe you guys can all just meet for a visit at the museum or something where people don't have to eat and so her eating disorder won't be an issue.

YES! ROFL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:np: When relatives visit us, I hate dishing out every meal for them but I do it. Then they hurt my feelings by going out to eat, implying my meals weren't satisfying. When we visit relatives, we have to bring all our own food because we keep kosher. They live where there are no kosher restaurants. It's hard.

No offense, but I'm Jewish & I HATE kosher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had guests who seem to want to eat all the time. I can't help but wonder how the OP's ILs would tell this story. I always have a ton of food in the house and people are welcome to get whatever they want from the kitchen. But I will admit that I judge. No one needs three big meals a day. I also hate when people hyper focus on food. Don't ask me about dinner at 10am.

You're kidding, right? ESPECIALLY if you're not letting people eat lots of smaller meals throughout the day ('grazing' which you'll call 'eating all the time') then everyone needs three big meals a day.

NP. And, no. Not everyone needs three "big" meals a day. Three meals a day, sure. But they don't need to be big, that thought process is why the entire country's fat as hell. Moderate meals are fine and, also no, there's no reason for most people to be eating several small meals or grazing non-stop (see, "fat as hell") above. That is something that came out of body-building because they DO need to be eating constantly for muscle mass, and does not apply to average sedentary Americans.

I need three big meals a day, and a snack or two. I run about 50 miles a week, lift twice a week, and my BMI is 19 (32 year old woman, 5'10", 130ish lbs)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL and FIL were having a stressful conversation which I wasn't suppose to hear. FIL unhappy MIL hadn't bought enough sliced ham. But it was apparently my doing as I took 4 slices instead of the anticipated 3.

Lol you fatty

(I'm 100% kidding, but that is kind of hilarious)