No food at ILs

[Anonymous]

We just stay in a hotel. So much better than the food drama.

[Anonymous]

Just spent the weekend at in-laws' beach condo. Even though I've been gluten free (diagnosed with Celiac shortly after DS was born) for 6 years now, in laws still do not have food I can eat beyond veggies/fruit. MIL gets offended that we bring food and that every day, I turn down her offer for a sandwich, brownie, cupcake , etc. Last time she secretly asked DH if I had an eating disorder, to which he reminded.her again that I can't eat anything she's been making. This weekend, she was making brownies and DH asked if she'd used to gluten free stuff he'd brought to make them and she responded..."well I don't know how those would taste and everyone loves these".

We also have to bring our own towels as the only towels they offer are decade old pool towels (the ones slightly bigger than a hand towel)

In general, I really like my in-laws. But they just are not the best hosts.

[Anonymous]

Then they hurt my feelings by going out to eat

Btw poster - It does not imply anything
Face facts - - they like to go out & you don't like to serve meals
It happens to be perfect
Talk people.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you don't have kids OP (because you don't mention them).

You have to get this under control (meaning, fix this for you and your DH) before kids become part of the equation.

So, bring food, or stay in a hotel. Do not HIDE food because you can't do anything you don't want to teach your kids to do about food. Remember not to think of kids only as babies...think of impressionable tweens and teens.

[Anonymous]

We have this problem too OP. Last time we visited, my ILs had other family members over for dinner plus us, so 6 adults and 3 kids. They cooked one package of chicken, one can of green beans and put out 8 rolls because "the kids could split one." It is most definitely not a financial thing. We had just arrived from the opposite coast so hadn't been able to do our usual stop by the store to get actual food trip. I ended up with one chicken wing, one half a roll and 3 green beans because at least I could go out later and get food while the kids needed to go to bed and I'd rather they have the food.

And, on the opposite side, my ILs eat everything that's not nailed down when they visit us. To the point that if there are ingredients I need for dinner that night I have to put them ina stapled shut bag in the fridge and write "Dinner for 3/5/17" on it or else I will get home from work to find that the meat I intended to cook for dinner is gone or they ate all 10 tomatoes that were supposed to be for the salad. I have no idea where they put the food. And they say things like "we never eat as well as we do when we vacation at your house." Um, yea, because normally people control themselves and budget and don't polish off 5 containers of raspberries in a day!!!!! Who can afford that?? Certainly not me, now I only buy bananas and oranges when they come because they quadrupled my grocery budget for a 5 day visit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is so true. Older people eat so much less and forget that this is not how they used to eat. I am also surprised by all the posters that have no problem going into a MIL's kitchen, stocking it with extra food and helping themselves, etc. I think that is a pretty rude houseguest.

I am very sympathetic to the poster, my mother is the same way. She has completely forgotten how much more kids and younger adults eat. She is no longer accustomed to cooking for more than two people or having people in her kitchen. She is definitely a control freak, but I also understand how difficult it is for some older people to shift gears. Every rattling of a wrapper, every time you open the fridge to look for something, she is in the kitchen in a flash to "help".

I don't have a great solution for you, but my approach has been: to realize this will be an issues so I try to focus on the other parts of the visit and not think about food too much, use it as an opportunity to lose some weight, feed the kids snacks on outings outside of the house, offer to take them out for dinner at least once a trip, offer to do more of the cooking so the portions are more appropriate. That combination gets us through, but meals and food in general are definitely not a highlight of the visit.

And we stay with her because she really wants us to.

Children and grandchildren are family. They are not houseguests.

I have learned from DCUM that there are a number of women who feel that no one should be able to access food in the kitchen without asking permission, including teenage children still living at home. These people are also completely offended that anyone would ever eat a snack, and they are weirdly obsessed with the unnecessity of orange slices after soccer practice.

[Anonymous]

I have nothing to add except that I once stayed with my MIL when I was newly pregnant and could easily eat a cow for snack. She had nothing to eat in the house and I remember dividing the soup we brought for lunch and she couldn't finish her bowl. I was so hangry that she was considering dumping out her bowl. Give it to me! LOL, good times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have this problem too OP. Last time we visited, my ILs had other family members over for dinner plus us, so 6 adults and 3 kids. They cooked one package of chicken, one can of green beans and put out 8 rolls because "the kids could split one." It is most definitely not a financial thing. We had just arrived from the opposite coast so hadn't been able to do our usual stop by the store to get actual food trip. I ended up with one chicken wing, one half a roll and 3 green beans because at least I could go out later and get food while the kids needed to go to bed and I'd rather they have the food.

And, on the opposite side, my ILs eat everything that's not nailed down when they visit us. To the point that if there are ingredients I need for dinner that night I have to put them ina stapled shut bag in the fridge and write "Dinner for 3/5/17" on it or else I will get home from work to find that the meat I intended to cook for dinner is gone or they ate all 10 tomatoes that were supposed to be for the salad. I have no idea where they put the food. And they say things like "we never eat as well as we do when we vacation at your house." Um, yea, because normally people control themselves and budget and don't polish off 5 containers of raspberries in a day!!!!! Who can afford that?? Certainly not me, now I only buy bananas and oranges when they come because they quadrupled my grocery budget for a 5 day visit!

i'd be so irritated. nothing worse than being exhausted and starving from traveling. not today, satan...order me a pizza, stat.

[Anonymous]

I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

I don't understand why YOU feel like you're "rolling around." You control how much actually goes in your mouth. Just becasue there are seven sides available doesn't mean you have to take them all. If others want to overeat, OK. If your kids get a few extra treats, OK. But no one is shoveling food in your mouth. Even if they have it stocked/around/available, you are the only one responsible for how much you eat, and what you eat.

[Anonymous]

just order food and refrigerate the leftovers ... or just go shopping and fill the fridge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:np: When relatives visit us, I hate dishing out every meal for them but I do it. Then they hurt my feelings by going out to eat, implying my meals weren't satisfying. When we visit relatives, we have to bring all our own food because we keep kosher. They live where there are no kosher restaurants. It's hard.

No offense, but I'm Jewish & I HATE kosher.

Me too. Jewish and hate kosher food and, in fact, most traditional Ashkenazi / Eastern European food. Don't like American food much either. It's Thai / Vietnamese / other Asian foods all the way for me.

My grandparents also wildly underestimate what people will eat. We visit them twice a year. Two visits ago, they bought one small pizza (8 slices) to feed 8 people (them, 2 6' men, 2 nursing mothers, and 2 toddlers). They did serve fruit with it -- stone hard cantaloupe, my grandmother's favorite. It was a memorable meal. Last visit we insisted on buying 3 pizza pies rather than the 1 they planned to order. When they balked, we told them it was our treat. They couldn't argue with that and my grandfather demolished 3 pieces!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
MIL will cook a "big brunch" (really just a very standard breakfast at *7:30 a.m.,* and then says we don't need lunch because we had brunch. Then dinner is super early, is very sparse, and then "the kitchen is closed" with dishwasher running at 7 p.m. If anyone gets in the kitchen after hours or between meals, "Who's in there? What's going on? What do you need? Are you eating again?" I just can't take the judgment/scrutiny.

Hilarious.

[Anonymous]

My mother has a version of this which fortunately isn't as painful as some of yours. She will let us buy food and cook and keep stuff in the fridge for the kids, so that is not a problem. She also lets us order lavish take out meals, so all our tummies are happy. When it is about time to leave though, she has a panic attack about getting rid of every last bit of food we have brought in. It has to be thrown out if we can't take it with us (my sister is in driving distance, so sometimes there are things she can take with her). When I say panic attack, I am not exaggerating.

The painful part is that for her own use (when we arrive it is like this), the fridge is almost bare. She is reasonably well off so it is not a financial thing. She just doesn't want anything extra in there (or much of anything at all). She is in independent living - there is a restaurant where she eats one meal per day, lunch, her main meal, but she needs food in the fridge for breakfast and a small dinner. She has a shopper as she no longer drives, but she has that person buy the minimum. The shopper is an employee of the independent living center and of course she has days off etc. My mom has sometimes been in a pickle because she leaves no margin for when the shopper can't work.

I recently read about a disorder opposite from hoarding - compulsive decluttering. I wonder if that applies to some of our parents. My mother also, when she gets a gift, starts plotting how to get rid of it.

Painful!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the reverse problem, my MIL's house has a huge walk-in pantry filled to the hilt with every type of juice box and junk food imaginable. Fortunately, my MIL has learned to get Sensible Sippers and other no sugar added juices, she has started buying organic snacks and potato chips fried in avocado oil, more fruit.... But man, once your kid has a Gusher, there is like no turning back. Family meals are like 7 sides and 4 types of protein on the grill with enough leftovers to feed us twice over.

When they visit us it's 3 giant meals out to eat everyday, I feel like I'm rolling around by the end of the week. I love them, and I love going out to eat with them, but they definitely overdo it EVERY time not just once in a while.

I don't understand why YOU feel like you're "rolling around." You control how much actually goes in your mouth. Just becasue there are seven sides available doesn't mean you have to take them all. If others want to overeat, OK. If your kids get a few extra treats, OK. But no one is shoveling food in your mouth. Even if they have it stocked/around/available, you are the only one responsible for how much you eat, and what you eat.

She said she feels like she's rolling around because they eat OUT three meals every day for a week. Even doing your "put half in a doggie bag" trick, you're going to gain weight eating out every meal. Restaurants tend to cook with way more butter, salt, sugar, etc. than you would at home. I totally got what you were saying, PP.