No food at ILs

[Anonymous]

Is your MIL really thin? Wonder how she isn't starving!

[Anonymous]

I have the same issue in my parents house, minus the guilt or judgement. My mother has some health issues, including reflux, so she never eats past a certain hour. My father has food intolerances and is vegetarian, so the food in the house is very sparse and what is there is GF and vegetarian.

I fly to see them, so I make sure to get some hearty snack foods at the airport or bring with me in my travel bag (like nuts, trail mix, granola bars). Even though my parents wouldn't second guess my hunger or take offense if I rummaged through the pantry, it's still hard to adjust to their eating schedule and food scarcity.

If they are judgey about you guys eating, I have to ask: are you or DH overweight? Not that it justifies it, but it could explain their restrictions. It would make them pretty mean, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue in my parents house, minus the guilt or judgement. My mother has some health issues, including reflux, so she never eats past a certain hour. My father has food intolerances and is vegetarian, so the food in the house is very sparse and what is there is GF and vegetarian.

I fly to see them, so I make sure to get some hearty snack foods at the airport or bring with me in my travel bag (like nuts, trail mix, granola bars). Even though my parents wouldn't second guess my hunger or take offense if I rummaged through the pantry, it's still hard to adjust to their eating schedule and food scarcity.

If they are judgey about you guys eating, I have to ask: are you or DH overweight? Not that it justifies it, but it could explain their restrictions. It would make them pretty mean, however.

I posted already about going ahead and eating without fear of judgement, but also wondered about that as well. Elderly inactive people can have such slow metabolisms that they really don't need much in the way of food, but perhaps they are also trying to make you eat less?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue in my parents house, minus the guilt or judgement. My mother has some health issues, including reflux, so she never eats past a certain hour. My father has food intolerances and is vegetarian, so the food in the house is very sparse and what is there is GF and vegetarian.

I fly to see them, so I make sure to get some hearty snack foods at the airport or bring with me in my travel bag (like nuts, trail mix, granola bars). Even though my parents wouldn't second guess my hunger or take offense if I rummaged through the pantry, it's still hard to adjust to their eating schedule and food scarcity.

If they are judgey about you guys eating, I have to ask: are you or DH overweight? Not that it justifies it, but it could explain their restrictions. It would make them pretty mean, however.

I don't think OP's or her husband's weight has anything to do with what's going on here. This is about the mother-in-law's controlling behavior around food.

[Anonymous]

We have had guests who seem to want to eat all the time. I can't help but wonder how the OP's ILs would tell this story. I always have a ton of food in the house and people are welcome to get whatever they want from the kitchen. But I will admit that I judge. No one needs three big meals a day. I also hate when people hyper focus on food. Don't ask me about dinner at 10am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had guests who seem to want to eat all the time. I can't help but wonder how the OP's ILs would tell this story. I always have a ton of food in the house and people are welcome to get whatever they want from the kitchen. But I will admit that I judge. No one needs three big meals a day. I also hate when people hyper focus on food. Don't ask me about dinner at 10am.

You're kidding, right? ESPECIALLY if you're not letting people eat lots of smaller meals throughout the day ('grazing' which you'll call 'eating all the time') then everyone needs three big meals a day.

[Anonymous]

I have the same issue at my ILs. MIL def has issues with food, talks about other people's weight and eating habits constantly. She often serves either cheese, crackers and fruit with TONS of wine for dinner, or nothing at all.

If we eat a normal lunch or brunch, she will say we don't need to eat again after such a large meal. She will say she is going to be full even the next morning.

We don't go there anymore, but when we did last, I was BF an infant and chasing a toddler and exercising every day if time allowed. We snuck out for food.

When she visits us, she says she will be fasting the following week to compensate for all the food she eats at our house. We are not fat and neither are our kids, but she judges any woman who is not skeletal.

I work FT, have kids, go to OTF or run most days. Feel good. I am NOT starving myself to look like a 12 year old girl, and DEF not skipping meals for any insecure nonsense such as this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had guests who seem to want to eat all the time. I can't help but wonder how the OP's ILs would tell this story. I always have a ton of food in the house and people are welcome to get whatever they want from the kitchen. But I will admit that I judge. No one needs three big meals a day. I also hate when people hyper focus on food. Don't ask me about dinner at 10am.

You could start by respecting other people's needs and accepting that they are different from yours.
I don't need 3 big meals a day, but MOST people actually do.
Let them be the judge of what they need.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. You and DH can't go out?

[Anonymous]

so funny, have the opposite problem and I complain about that.

[Anonymous]

When we have company I say help yourself and clean up. Don't care what you eat, how much or what time. My pantry and refrigerator has something for everyone.

My sister and her husband like to go midnight fast food. Usually Whataburger or Taco Bell. I just laugh. Then I ask if they need a ride or money.

I'll even get up at 3, 4 in the morning and make biscuits or homemade cinnamon rolls.

There's a special cake I only make for my sister. She asks me if she can eat cake for breakfast. It cracks me up. You're grown now there are no food rules.

You should not be a prisoner in anyone's home. I say go eat !

[Anonymous]

Can you not eat more at dinner.. they eat early, but is it not enough?

I would suggest offering to take them out for dinner. They can eat light and you can eat normal. And next time, pack snacks!

Older people really do not need a lot of food and food often cause stomach distress. But I think they miss it and some become obsessed over what others eat. If other tricks do not work, your dh needs to approach them gently but firmly and explain that you are both used to eating more food.

Also, are you sure they are financially OK? Could they be on a limited budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue in my parents house, minus the guilt or judgement. My mother has some health issues, including reflux, so she never eats past a certain hour. My father has food intolerances and is vegetarian, so the food in the house is very sparse and what is there is GF and vegetarian.

I fly to see them, so I make sure to get some hearty snack foods at the airport or bring with me in my travel bag (like nuts, trail mix, granola bars). Even though my parents wouldn't second guess my hunger or take offense if I rummaged through the pantry, it's still hard to adjust to their eating schedule and food scarcity.

If they are judgey about you guys eating, I have to ask: are you or DH overweight? Not that it justifies it, but it could explain their restrictions. It would make them pretty mean, however.

No, we are both at a healthy, normal weight.

[Anonymous]

Being good. Ate lunch. Ignore the judgement and say you're hungry so you're making lunch. Old people eat so much less. My mil is the same way. Dinner is 4 servings of what she needs. My dh works out daily and I wasn't pregnant and hungry. We ate more when we came home and after two times dh had a conversation with her about serving more food. Funny that at our house they eat so much more than at home. Maybe it's because it's tastier and maybe its because they're splurging calorie wise. At least I never got judgement for eating more from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had guests who seem to want to eat all the time. I can't help but wonder how the OP's ILs would tell this story. I always have a ton of food in the house and people are welcome to get whatever they want from the kitchen. But I will admit that I judge. No one needs three big meals a day. I also hate when people hyper focus on food. Don't ask me about dinner at 10am.

You're kidding, right? ESPECIALLY if you're not letting people eat lots of smaller meals throughout the day ('grazing' which you'll call 'eating all the time') then everyone needs three big meals a day.

NP. And, no. Not everyone needs three "big" meals a day. Three meals a day, sure. But they don't need to be big, that thought process is why the entire country's fat as hell. Moderate meals are fine and, also no, there's no reason for most people to be eating several small meals or grazing non-stop (see, "fat as hell") above. That is something that came out of body-building because they DO need to be eating constantly for muscle mass, and does not apply to average sedentary Americans.