Workings parents of two -- how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

OP here. It helps a lot to hear everyone's schedule and juggling strategies, thank you. DH and I are both pretty flexible in terms of working from home, we are not in 9-5 jobs so that helps in some ways (on the other hand work can take up as much time as there is). Problem is when we work from home, we tend to get sucked into just tidying one thing or running a load of this or that which really breaks the work flow...

Older child is in preschool from 8-4. When he gets home we cook and have dinner. Right now we have a ton of help with the baby, although I am WAH in order to nurse. I guess when I think about it, it's really the exhausting weekends, when we don't have help, and the feeling that my day is split up from all the nursing. I think it will be easier once the sleep consolidates and the naps get more regular. Baby is also 80% sleeping without being held this month, so that helps.

In terms of house supplies, we Amazon Prime a lot. I guess I am just always discovering that older child needs water shoes or younger one needs bibs or what not. I never feel on top of that stuff.

Will look into grocery delivery. Wish WFs had a curbside service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Both DH and I have full time jobs- work 50-60 hours per week. We have two DDs- one is 3 and the other is 4. Have had the same nanny since the first was born. She cooks for us twice a week and does the groceries. She also does the kids laundry. We also have a weeknight babysitter Monday through Thursday who relieves her at 5pm and stays until 7:30pm. That way we aren't rushing home in crazy traffic. Kids have eaten dinner and are bathed and in their pajamas when we get home. We get an hour with them, reading books and talking about their day.

Weekends are sacred family time. But since laundry, cooking, groceries have all been done during the week, and we have cleaning service that takes care of the cleaning, weekends are free and clear for family time only.

Shocked people haven't jumped all over this.

I'm jumping all over it because it shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be mandatory to put so much time into work to make it that you barely have any time for other things like your own kids.

Company culture needs to change and those at the top could change it but they are the issue. Most of them don't want to spend time with their spouse or family they would rather be working and the cycle will continue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It helps a lot to hear everyone's schedule and juggling strategies, thank you. DH and I are both pretty flexible in terms of working from home, we are not in 9-5 jobs so that helps in some ways (on the other hand work can take up as much time as there is). Problem is when we work from home, we tend to get sucked into just tidying one thing or running a load of this or that which really breaks the work flow...

Older child is in preschool from 8-4. When he gets home we cook and have dinner. Right now we have a ton of help with the baby, although I am WAH in order to nurse. I guess when I think about it, it's really the exhausting weekends, when we don't have help, and the feeling that my day is split up from all the nursing. I think it will be easier once the sleep consolidates and the naps get more regular. Baby is also 80% sleeping without being held this month, so that helps.

In terms of house supplies, we Amazon Prime a lot. I guess I am just always discovering that older child needs water shoes or younger one needs bibs or what not. I never feel on top of that stuff.

Will look into grocery delivery. Wish WFs had a curbside service.

Do Instacart for whole foods, costco, wegmans.. it's a bit pricey like 10% service tip but it's worth it IMO.

[MDLady]

I'm a Mom of a 2 year old with our 2nd on the way. DH and I both work full time so I'm nervous about how we will handle 2 kids. It was very helpful to read all of your advice.

I've survived with 1 kid so far with some help - house cleaners 2x/month, Instacart delivery, Amazon Prime, ordering clothes online for baby and myself. DH does daycare drop offs and I do pick ups, we switch when meetings get in the way so it's worked out well so far.

Adding a 2nd will certainly complicate everything. I stayed home for 3 months with my daughter and breastfed her for a year. Hopefully I can do the same for the 2nd one but it may be tough.

A nanny who cleans/cooks/does laundry and is also great with the baby would be a life saver but finding a quality nanny will be the challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a new mom this thread makes me sad. Why on earth did I ruin my amazing life with a child?

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a new mom this thread makes me sad. Why on earth did I ruin my amazing life with a child?

What do you mean?

Pretty sure PP is using sarcasm and criticizing the previous posters whining about how to essentially fit their child into their amazing career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Both DH and I have full time jobs- work 50-60 hours per week. We have two DDs- one is 3 and the other is 4. Have had the same nanny since the first was born. She cooks for us twice a week and does the groceries. She also does the kids laundry. We also have a weeknight babysitter Monday through Thursday who relieves her at 5pm and stays until 7:30pm. That way we aren't rushing home in crazy traffic. Kids have eaten dinner and are bathed and in their pajamas when we get home. We get an hour with them, reading books and talking about their day.

Weekends are sacred family time. But since laundry, cooking, groceries have all been done during the week, and we have cleaning service that takes care of the cleaning, weekends are free and clear for family time only.

Shocked people haven't jumped all over this.

I'm jumping all over it because it shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be mandatory to put so much time into work to make it that you barely have any time for other things like your own kids.

Company culture needs to change and those at the top could change it but they are the issue. Most of them don't want to spend time with their spouse or family they would rather be working and the cycle will continue

I am the PP who wrote this. DH and I have demanding jobs. But we spend a couple hours with them in the mornings - playing, getting ready for school, breakfast and morning drop offs. I attend every field trip and school function. Not sure why a PP said to "jump all over" my post. We enjoy our morning time with the kids and then again in the evening when we get home. We rarely get a babysitter to watch them over the weekend. And we don't park them in front of the TV when we are home- we spend every second of non-work time with them. Our kids are happy and thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It helps a lot to hear everyone's schedule and juggling strategies, thank you. DH and I are both pretty flexible in terms of working from home, we are not in 9-5 jobs so that helps in some ways (on the other hand work can take up as much time as there is). Problem is when we work from home, we tend to get sucked into just tidying one thing or running a load of this or that which really breaks the work flow...

Older child is in preschool from 8-4. When he gets home we cook and have dinner. Right now we have a ton of help with the baby, although I am WAH in order to nurse. I guess when I think about it, it's really the exhausting weekends, when we don't have help, and the feeling that my day is split up from all the nursing. I think it will be easier once the sleep consolidates and the naps get more regular. Baby is also 80% sleeping without being held this month, so that helps.

In terms of house supplies, we Amazon Prime a lot. I guess I am just always discovering that older child needs water shoes or younger one needs bibs or what not. I never feel on top of that stuff.

Will look into grocery delivery. Wish WFs had a curbside service.

OP, I posted very early on about being WAH and using subscription services a lot along with outsourcing.

If you're finding yourself doing housework when WAH, then you need to set up a space that's entirely yours for working. Ideally it's an office where you shut the door, but it could be a corner or what have you. You just need to make sure you've got a space where, similar to being in an office, there won't be house-related things to distract you. My office doubles as an exercise room, but the few dumbbells and elliptical don't create any mess, so this works fine for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Both DH and I have full time jobs- work 50-60 hours per week. We have two DDs- one is 3 and the other is 4. Have had the same nanny since the first was born. She cooks for us twice a week and does the groceries. She also does the kids laundry. We also have a weeknight babysitter Monday through Thursday who relieves her at 5pm and stays until 7:30pm. That way we aren't rushing home in crazy traffic. Kids have eaten dinner and are bathed and in their pajamas when we get home. We get an hour with them, reading books and talking about their day.

Weekends are sacred family time. But since laundry, cooking, groceries have all been done during the week, and we have cleaning service that takes care of the cleaning, weekends are free and clear for family time only.

Shocked people haven't jumped all over this.

I'm jumping all over it because it shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be mandatory to put so much time into work to make it that you barely have any time for other things like your own kids.

Company culture needs to change and those at the top could change it but they are the issue. Most of them don't want to spend time with their spouse or family they would rather be working and the cycle will continue

It will change eventually, when enough men begin to do half or more of parenting, including mental load/default parenting, and they will start making noise about not being able to do it all, and the "rules" will change. It will be a little while yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Both DH and I have full time jobs- work 50-60 hours per week. We have two DDs- one is 3 and the other is 4. Have had the same nanny since the first was born. She cooks for us twice a week and does the groceries. She also does the kids laundry. We also have a weeknight babysitter Monday through Thursday who relieves her at 5pm and stays until 7:30pm. That way we aren't rushing home in crazy traffic. Kids have eaten dinner and are bathed and in their pajamas when we get home. We get an hour with them, reading books and talking about their day.

Weekends are sacred family time. But since laundry, cooking, groceries have all been done during the week, and we have cleaning service that takes care of the cleaning, weekends are free and clear for family time only.

Shocked people haven't jumped all over this.

I'm jumping all over it because it shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be mandatory to put so much time into work to make it that you barely have any time for other things like your own kids.

Company culture needs to change and those at the top could change it but they are the issue. Most of them don't want to spend time with their spouse or family they would rather be working and the cycle will continue

I am the PP who wrote this. DH and I have demanding jobs. But we spend a couple hours with them in the mornings - playing, getting ready for school, breakfast and morning drop offs. I attend every field trip and school function. Not sure why a PP said to "jump all over" my post. We enjoy our morning time with the kids and then again in the evening when we get home. We rarely get a babysitter to watch them over the weekend. And we don't park them in front of the TV when we are home- we spend every second of non-work time with them. Our kids are happy and thriving.

Your are in almost exactly the same boat as me. I think the time my husband and I spend with the kids (including the weekends, where we don't work) is very quality time. I have some friends who spend more hours near their kids but don't seem to interact with them as much. Different strokes for different folks - someone always wants to judge. Just keep doing what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Both DH and I have full time jobs- work 50-60 hours per week. We have two DDs- one is 3 and the other is 4. Have had the same nanny since the first was born. She cooks for us twice a week and does the groceries. She also does the kids laundry. We also have a weeknight babysitter Monday through Thursday who relieves her at 5pm and stays until 7:30pm. That way we aren't rushing home in crazy traffic. Kids have eaten dinner and are bathed and in their pajamas when we get home. We get an hour with them, reading books and talking about their day.

Weekends are sacred family time. But since laundry, cooking, groceries have all been done during the week, and we have cleaning service that takes care of the cleaning, weekends are free and clear for family time only.

Shocked people haven't jumped all over this.

I'm jumping all over it because it shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be mandatory to put so much time into work to make it that you barely have any time for other things like your own kids.

Company culture needs to change and those at the top could change it but they are the issue. Most of them don't want to spend time with their spouse or family they would rather be working and the cycle will continue

I am the PP who wrote this. DH and I have demanding jobs. But we spend a couple hours with them in the mornings - playing, getting ready for school, breakfast and morning drop offs. I attend every field trip and school function. Not sure why a PP said to "jump all over" my post. We enjoy our morning time with the kids and then again in the evening when we get home. We rarely get a babysitter to watch them over the weekend. And we don't park them in front of the TV when we are home- we spend every second of non-work time with them. Our kids are happy and thriving.

"Children as a hobby" is what I call it. They have a nanny do all the parenting.

[Anonymous]

I spend more time with my dog than these people do with their kids...

[Anonymous]

How is PP's hours/schedule any different from parents who leave the house early to go to work (6-7am) and get home around 5-6pm? PP said she spends time with the kids in the morning. Seems that her schedule is simply reversed from my example- she leaves later and gets home later. Others leave earlier and get home earlier. Same amount of hours with the kids. Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It helps a lot to hear everyone's schedule and juggling strategies, thank you. DH and I are both pretty flexible in terms of working from home, we are not in 9-5 jobs so that helps in some ways (on the other hand work can take up as much time as there is). Problem is when we work from home, we tend to get sucked into just tidying one thing or running a load of this or that which really breaks the work flow...

Older child is in preschool from 8-4. When he gets home we cook and have dinner. Right now we have a ton of help with the baby, although I am WAH in order to nurse. I guess when I think about it, it's really the exhausting weekends, when we don't have help, and the feeling that my day is split up from all the nursing. I think it will be easier once the sleep consolidates and the naps get more regular. Baby is also 80% sleeping without being held this month, so that helps.

In terms of house supplies, we Amazon Prime a lot. I guess I am just always discovering that older child needs water shoes or younger one needs bibs or what not. I never feel on top of that stuff.

Will look into grocery delivery. Wish WFs had a curbside service.

I hate to break it to you, but you've really got it easy.

Job flexibility, no commute, one kid in daycare all day (8-4), hired help for the baby.

Imagine this scenario:

Two working parents, one parent has a 90 minute commute each way, demanding careers (one involves travel 6x a year), four kids in elementary/middle school, all kids have sports/dance/religion classes throughout the week plus games and parties each weekend, no nanny, no housekeeper, no lawn service. That's my life. Plus, I have some medical issues. And, two of the four grandparents have medical issues and rely on us for assistance.

My tips: lower your expectations. Sometimes cereal and yogurt for dinner is fine. Some nights you skip the bath and just let the kid fall asleep in your bed with you while watching cartoons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It helps a lot to hear everyone's schedule and juggling strategies, thank you. DH and I are both pretty flexible in terms of working from home, we are not in 9-5 jobs so that helps in some ways (on the other hand work can take up as much time as there is). Problem is when we work from home, we tend to get sucked into just tidying one thing or running a load of this or that which really breaks the work flow...

Older child is in preschool from 8-4. When he gets home we cook and have dinner. Right now we have a ton of help with the baby, although I am WAH in order to nurse. I guess when I think about it, it's really the exhausting weekends, when we don't have help, and the feeling that my day is split up from all the nursing. I think it will be easier once the sleep consolidates and the naps get more regular. Baby is also 80% sleeping without being held this month, so that helps.

In terms of house supplies, we Amazon Prime a lot. I guess I am just always discovering that older child needs water shoes or younger one needs bibs or what not. I never feel on top of that stuff.

Will look into grocery delivery. Wish WFs had a curbside service.

I hate to break it to you, but you've really got it easy.

Job flexibility, no commute, one kid in daycare all day (8-4), hired help for the baby.

Imagine this scenario:

Two working parents, one parent has a 90 minute commute each way, demanding careers (one involves travel 6x a year), four kids in elementary/middle school, all kids have sports/dance/religion classes throughout the week plus games and parties each weekend, no nanny, no housekeeper, no lawn service. That's my life. Plus, I have some medical issues. And, two of the four grandparents have medical issues and rely on us for assistance.

My tips: lower your expectations. Sometimes cereal and yogurt for dinner is fine. Some nights you skip the bath and just let the kid fall asleep in your bed with you while watching cartoons.

Do you want a medal? You chose your life. You chose four kids. You chose that job. How is responding to OP by saying "I have it harder" at all helpful?