Workings parents of two -- how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

THUNDERDOME!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just going to start thunderdoming all the mommy war posts from either side.

[Anonymous]

I had a housekeeper, cleaning service, nanny AND a daycare at my work. Why? Because the best childcare options will fall apart when you most need it AND I realized I need to have a whole team of domestic staff.

[Anonymous]

4 year old and 11 month old-- both DH and I work FT outside of the house.. I wish we could hire a house cleaning service, but with two in daycare/preschool and very normal salaries we can't afford the monthly expense. We try to keep the house as clean as we can during the week and fold laundry in evenings when we don't fall asleep first! We both like to have a clean house so we do the best we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sold our condo in DC, moved to the suburbs, DW quit her full time job and works part time now, and we cut the cost of daycare because DS attends a co-op now. We are stretching a bit financially, but we are much happier and have a lot more time at home and with each other.

Which suburb, if you don't mind my asking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Well,I had kids because I want to keep my husband and he very much wanted kids. He had kids because he very much wanted to be a father.

[Anonymous]

hot dogs and mac and cheese for them, coffee, wine, and lorazepam for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

This is a false, and dumb, dichotomy. It's like asking why those of with daughters send them to school or save for college, or why we ourselves went to school. I don't believe you truly want a world where women only raise children. I'm all for SAH if it works for people but I sure as hell don't want every woman dropping out of the workforce when she has a baby and neither do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Because even though I believe my marriage will last, I've seen rock-solid couples divorce or undergo financial ruin. Spouse has a mental breakdown, spouse does a personality 180 and leaves, spouse becomes permanently disabled. No one is immune from illness, accident, or simple human frailty. And while my husband makes an above-median salary, any settlement I got in a divorce would not be enough for me to survive on unless I maintain a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And people are Surprised that others are jealous of stay at home parents.


All of this sounds like hell.

It's what families must do in order for a woman to be self actualized and not just responsible for cooking, cleaning and minding the children.

So the people that you pay to cook for you, clean for you, and mind your children are not self-actualited and never can be? Got it.

Exactly.

It's disgusting how some of you think about your help(yeah, yeah yeah you didn't mean it that way, bla bla bla). And I am saying this as a mom who has been both a SAHM and a working mom.

Why can't you just say "we prefer it this way" instead of coming up with some pathetic "self actualization" bullshit.

Someone has to clean and take care of the kids. It's okay to admit you enjoying working out of the home more or making more money. End there. No need for all the other bullshit reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And people are Surprised that others are jealous of stay at home parents.


All of this sounds like hell.

It's what families must do in order for a woman to be self actualized and not just responsible for cooking, cleaning and minding the children.

So the people that you pay to cook for you, clean for you, and mind your children are not self-actualited and never can be? Got it.

Exactly.

It's disgusting how some of you think about your help(yeah, yeah yeah you didn't mean it that way, bla bla bla). And I am saying this as a mom who has been both a SAHM and a working mom.

Why can't you just say "we prefer it this way" instead of coming up with some pathetic "self actualization" bullshit.

Someone has to clean and take care of the kids. It's okay to admit you enjoying working out of the home more or making more money. End there. No need for all the other bullshit reasons.

Pride is a real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Because even though I believe my marriage will last, I've seen rock-solid couples divorce or undergo financial ruin. Spouse has a mental breakdown, spouse does a personality 180 and leaves, spouse becomes permanently disabled. No one is immune from illness, accident, or simple human frailty. And while my husband makes an above-median salary, any settlement I got in a divorce would not be enough for me to survive on unless I maintain a career.

Now that makes sense. Others may think you are risk averse. But whatever.

[Anonymous]

If you think taking care of kids is not "self actualizing", and you hire someone to take care of yours, you are a hypocrite. You could advise your nanny to go do something better instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And people are Surprised that others are jealous of stay at home parents.


All of this sounds like hell.

It's what families must do in order for a woman to be self actualized and not just responsible for cooking, cleaning and minding the children.

So the people that you pay to cook for you, clean for you, and mind your children are not self-actualited and never can be? Got it.

Exactly.

It's disgusting how some of you think about your help(yeah, yeah yeah you didn't mean it that way, bla bla bla). And I am saying this as a mom who has been both a SAHM and a working mom.

Why can't you just say "we prefer it this way" instead of coming up with some pathetic "self actualization" bullshit.

Someone has to clean and take care of the kids. It's okay to admit you enjoying working out of the home more or making more money. End there. No need for all the other bullshit reasons.

Our nanny is amazing. She has raised a great family of her own and we are so grateful she is part of our family and helping us raise ours. But beyond being a nanny which requires experience with children, endless patience and energy, and kindness, she does not have skills the labor force recognizes since she doesn't have a college degree, any computer skills or desire to work in an office, and English is very much a second language. We pay her well, she has a short commute to our house, and about 8 weeks paid time off between our PTO and time grandparents take the kids, etc.

So she has it much better working as a nanny than a low paid hourly worker. We paid her full salary when she took four weeks to return to her home country last year or when she is not feeling well and needs a day off. We clearly DO value her work clearly much more than the labor force.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And people are Surprised that others are jealous of stay at home parents.


All of this sounds like hell.

It's what families must do in order for a woman to be self actualized and not just responsible for cooking, cleaning and minding the children.

So the people that you pay to cook for you, clean for you, and mind your children are not self-actualited and never can be? Got it.

Exactly.

It's disgusting how some of you think about your help(yeah, yeah yeah you didn't mean it that way, bla bla bla). And I am saying this as a mom who has been both a SAHM and a working mom.

Why can't you just say "we prefer it this way" instead of coming up with some pathetic "self actualization" bullshit.

Someone has to clean and take care of the kids. It's okay to admit you enjoying working out of the home more or making more money. End there. No need for all the other bullshit reasons.

Our nanny is amazing. She has raised a great family of her own and we are so grateful she is part of our family and helping us raise ours. But beyond being a nanny which requires experience with children, endless patience and energy, and kindness, she does not have skills the labor force recognizes since she doesn't have a college degree, any computer skills or desire to work in an office, and English is very much a second language. We pay her well, she has a short commute to our house, and about 8 weeks paid time off between our PTO and time grandparents take the kids, etc.

So she has it much better working as a nanny than a low paid hourly worker. We paid her full salary when she took four weeks to return to her home country last year or when she is not feeling well and needs a day off. We clearly DO value her work clearly much more than the labor force.

Congrats?

[Anonymous]

This is why civilized countries have a one-year maternity leave. Once #2 is a year old, it will be so much more doable. If you have the kind of job you can step out of for a year (I realize most people don't) it's totally worth it.