Workings parents of two -- how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And people are Surprised that others are jealous of stay at home parents.


All of this sounds like hell.

It's what families must do in order for a woman to be self actualized and not just responsible for cooking, cleaning and minding the children.

So the people that you pay to cook for you, clean for you, and mind your children are not self-actualited and never can be? Got it.

[Anonymous]

why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Believe it or not you can enjoy your kids without scrubbing toilets.

And a lot of us have spouses who are true partners in raising the kids. Hard for some moms who don't work to imagine I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Believe it or not you can enjoy your kids without scrubbing toilets.

And a lot of us have spouses who are true partners in raising the kids. Hard for some moms who don't work to imagine I guess.

Careful - your defensiveness is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sold our condo in DC, moved to the suburbs, DW quit her full time job and works part time now, and we cut the cost of daycare because DS attends a co-op now. We are stretching a bit financially, but we are much happier and have a lot more time at home and with each other.

OK... should have specified, short of getting a wife.

The honest truth is that if you have a home and children, it takes time to be a homemaker. Usually it boils down to at least a part time (20 hours a week) job. Either

1.) someone (as above) moves to part time Work Outside of Home and does most of the homemaker jobs

or

2) you hire a nanny who does some of the homemaker tasks (kid related at least) plus get a cleaning service twice a week

or

3) you otherwise outsource other parts of homemaking (lots of takeout or pick up already prepared meals etc.; send out your laundry; get groceries delivered) plus do a lot of homemaker work on weekends

or

4) each spouse pitches in 10+ hours a week on homemaker tasks

or

5) one spouse works all day AND does most of the homemaker tasks each evening and weekend.

Those are basically your choices.

[Anonymous]

or 6) grandma moves in with you and picks up a lot of those tasks!

[Anonymous]

So with a 3 month old there isn't a ton of time for nanny to do a lot (I mean, short of not paying attention to the baby). She helps with dishes, light meal prep, and folds laundry. We have a bimonthly cleaning service and don't do much else. I guess that leaves grocery shopping, cooking, coordinating house maintenance, stocking supplies/clothes, tidying, life admin, etc. I am working from home so I can nurse. Husband and I are pretty much 50/50 on everything else, including care for the older one.

What I would love is to get someone to help with cooking and clean up kitchen after. I can't seem to find anyone like that. (We did have grandma for a few months, which was amazing...) What ready-prepared meal service do y'all use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So with a 3 month old there isn't a ton of time for nanny to do a lot (I mean, short of not paying attention to the baby). She helps with dishes, light meal prep, and folds laundry. We have a bimonthly cleaning service and don't do much else. I guess that leaves grocery shopping, cooking, coordinating house maintenance, stocking supplies/clothes, tidying, life admin, etc. I am working from home so I can nurse. Husband and I are pretty much 50/50 on everything else, including care for the older one.

What I would love is to get someone to help with cooking and clean up kitchen after. I can't seem to find anyone like that. (We did have grandma for a few months, which was amazing...) What ready-prepared meal service do y'all use?

Lowering your standards for dinner and cleanliness helps a lot. We do a lot of one pan meals, and I just accept that dishes will get done when they get done. If your nanny is doing meal prep, can she clean as she goes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Believe it or not you can enjoy your kids without scrubbing toilets.

And a lot of us have spouses who are true partners in raising the kids. Hard for some moms who don't work to imagine I guess.

Careful - your defensiveness is showing.

Your bitterness is showing. Oops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

This question makes no sense. First, sharing your children's care with others is good for the kids. Unless you believe in homeschooling or something, you're going to do that when the kid is 3-5 yo just like a working parent. So maybe eveyone can differ in the extent, but many working parents see their kids a lot. I work full time and spend a lot more time with my kids than some SAHPs who can't outsource other things.

Second, all the other work is necessary and important. But do you believe you should be your own doctor and farm your own food and manufacture your own vehicles? No? So what is so sacred about your toilet or whatever that only you should clean it?

I think everyone decides what'a best for their family and gets on with it. No one can really judge another person's life. Personally I am happy with work and happy with the relationship I have with my children, I don't feel as if I have given up on my true priorities just because someone thinks I should be doing things like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What I would love is to get someone to help with cooking and clean up kitchen after. I can't seem to find anyone like that. (We did have grandma for a few months, which was amazing...) What ready-prepared meal service do y'all use?

I do a lot of Wegman's prepared meals (ready for the crockpot or oven) and cut up vegetables, prepared salads, and cut up fruit. Someone in town has a small business delivering a homecooked healthy meal once a week as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And people are Surprised that others are jealous of stay at home parents.


All of this sounds like hell.

As someone who has been work out of the home and stay at home, I would say that the one hour when everybody gets home from work and daycare, and dinner has to be figured out etc., that our can be hell. You're so tired, and you just want to sit down and have a minute to yourself, but everybody needs you. However, as a stay at home parent, your whole day is pretty much like that. You just want to sit down, but everybody needs you. All. Day. Long. The actual eight hours a day that I am at work are very pleasant for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

Believe it or not you can enjoy your kids without scrubbing toilets.

And a lot of us have spouses who are true partners in raising the kids. Hard for some moms who don't work to imagine I guess.

Careful - your defensiveness is showing.

Your bitterness is showing. Oops.

QED.
Oops.

[Anonymous]

OP - another idea. Each week, take one thing that is hard for you (making dinner, going shopping, doing laundry) and try to solve it - one thing at a time. Could you do it in the morning, outsource, order from amazon or whatever- tackle one thing at a time and try to make it easier.

We just started grilling a bunch of chicken breasts every Sunday. That solves our problem of when we are both home from work but kids need to be a different places and we aren't eating all together. At least there is chicken.....just one small thing but it made a difference for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why did you guys have kids serious question

seems like you just want to work and then outsource everything which is cool

but why complicate things with kids involved

THUNDERDOME!!!!!!!!!!!