Wife quit job without telling me

[Anonymous]

I REALLY want an update OP! Tell us how your talk when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she want to be a SAHM now or will she be looking for another job? Maybe she'll find it quickly. You should be supportive of her right now.

I agree plus they will save a ton on daycare and other costs. Maybe have her take a year off or until they are in school.

The hell? Unlese you are in a low wage job, the no ay do you "save" on daycare when you are doen an income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While her reasons may seem superficial to you, mental health is a big deal. Money can always be replaced , but not ones peace of mind.

Support her decision.

Happy Wife, Happy Life.

No. When one gets married and has children, decisions are made with the entire family in mind. Not a just one selfish party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

You allowed yourself to get abused for years at work and couldnt find another job for the YEARS you were abused?

You are either a weakling or completely incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

There are plenty of selfish or abusive mothers in walkable homes in good school districts. Don't be naive and classist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: you should quit your job too.

hahaha

I second the first PP. Equality is a bitch, OP. Demand it.

[Anonymous]

I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

unless OP is leaving A LOT out, that is not the same situation. You could have left, spoke with your husband, but didn't. She just up and quit with no notice to her husband. Not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

There are plenty of selfish or abusive mothers in walkable homes in good school districts. Don't be naive and classist.

Seriously, what an obnoxious and absurd statement. Having the means to buy a home in a good school district has nothing to do with how good of a parent someone is. There are plenty of wonderful parents who struggle financially, and plenty of bad parents who are wealthy. Money is not the same as caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

There are plenty of selfish or abusive mothers in walkable homes in good school districts. Don't be naive and classist.

Seriously, what an obnoxious and absurd statement. Having the means to buy a home in a good school district has nothing to do with how good of a parent someone is. There are plenty of wonderful parents who struggle financially, and plenty of bad parents who are wealthy. Money is not the same as caring.

How many moms do you know would quit a job willy nilly without caring that it provides insurance for their kids and kept their finances afloat? I don't know any like that. Most grown women with kidsdon't behave that way which is why I think she was fired. I'm not saying there aren't bad moms. I'm saying most moms will do whatever it takes to make sure their kids are cared for, even at their own expense, which is why this story as told doesn't add up. A good Mom (and op never suggested she wasnt or that she's abusive or neglectful in any other way) wouldn't just put her family in jeopardy like this. Even he was shocked because is not normal behavior for most women with responsibilities. My opinion. Take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

I don't understand your post at all. First of all, wife doesn't need husband's permission to quit or do anything, but certainly both spouses should talk about life changing and significant decisions. Most likely this OP would have supported his wife's decision if she talked to him about it. You sound like an insecure and weak person, first you were harassed and then you quit with your husband's permission? Really? What country/century are you from?

NP here. You seem to be jumping to conclusions that have no basis from what the PP posted. Maybe you haven't experienced it, but some work situations can get brutally harsh. Not all bosses or co-workers are nice, caring and honest people. Some are selfish, cold, calculating and cruel bullies. It can get to a point where they can threaten one's professional reputation. OP's wife may have felt backed into a corner and wanted to minimize the impact to her reputation, and her ability to get another job. We don't know the details in this situation yet.

The details are irrelevant.

NO ONE is saying that if the situation were truly toxic that she shouldn't leave. What people are saying is that she should have had a conversation with her DH about wanting to leave so that they could formulate a plan together - an exit strategy - that doesn't put the FAMILY in a bad place.

Who knows - maybe the DH would have demanded she leave the job upon hearing about the work conditions. Unfortunately, the DH doesn't even have the choice because DW just unilaterally decided that she was going to quit - who cares about healthcare for their child and the income... For some families, that could destroy them.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to come back and give us an update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

+1. Sometimes things go south in a work place and it is time to go. I quit a job after 11 years late last year. I was going to get wrongly forced out if I stayed. Leadership was changing; it was time to go. It got so bad it was affecting my marriage and kids. Husband said it was fine to quit. Will work again. Some time off is not going to hurt us financially.

Why can't you people read???

You all keep giving situations that are irrelevant - because you TALKED TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT! This DW did NOT. She just left. No conversation. No plan. No concern for where health insurance would come from, where the extra income would come from... She just bailed.

So, stop giving irrelevant examples because they don't apply.

No one said that DW shouldn't leave her job if it was a truly toxic situation. However, the problem is that if it was truly toxic and she wanted to leave, she should have at least talked it over with her husband - not to get permission - but to at least come up with some sort of plan on how the responsibilities would be taken care of when she left.

Now, this poor DH is blindsided by it and they will have to try and come up with something on the fly.

It's totally selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was harassed and bullied severely at work for years and should have done what your wife is doing. My husband offered, several times, but I felt too guilty and stayed. The result was a long struggle with severe depression and recovery. It wasn't worth staying. It almost killed me.

Another irrelevant post.

PP - you should have left and I am sorry that you had to go through that.

Again though, you talked to your DH. You told him what was going on. And he supported you, told you that you should leave. You made a personal decision to stay so that you could take care of your responsibilities. Good for you. Sorry about the outcome.

But, this is not relevant to OP.

He is pissed because she didn't even talk to him about it. She just did it.

It wasn't a small decision like which shampoo to buy at the store. It's a huge decision that effects the whole family and the family wasn't even given a heads up.

That is the problem.

DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

I am sorry your wife is so selfish and doesn't think such major decisions should be made together. This sounds like the result of too many Oprah Winfrey shows where "I" come first and "I" have to do what makes me happy. Quite frankly I think the problem is that so many people lack gratitude for what they have and what is good in their lives and just want more of something, in your wife's case, more of me, me, me and the hell with the rest. Well, she is going to find out that the world just isn't sunshine and flowers no matter in which job or situation she ends.

Good grief, your soapbox is just annoying. I was harassed for over a year at a job. I quit with my husband's permission, but I could not have held out any longer. Sometimes work places become unbearably toxic.

+1. Sometimes things go south in a work place and it is time to go. I quit a job after 11 years late last year. I was going to get wrongly forced out if I stayed. Leadership was changing; it was time to go. It got so bad it was affecting my marriage and kids. Husband said it was fine to quit. Will work again. Some time off is not going to hurt us financially.

Why can't you people read???

You all keep giving situations that are irrelevant - because you TALKED TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT! This DW did NOT. She just left. No conversation. No plan. No concern for where health insurance would come from, where the extra income would come from... She just bailed.

So, stop giving irrelevant examples because they don't apply.

No one said that DW shouldn't leave her job if it was a truly toxic situation. However, the problem is that if it was truly toxic and she wanted to leave, she should have at least talked it over with her husband - not to get permission - but to at least come up with some sort of plan on how the responsibilities would be taken care of when she left.

Now, this poor DH is blindsided by it and they will have to try and come up with something on the fly.

It's totally selfish.

Chill out, PP. People ae free to make comments they believe are appropriate, even though you can't see their point or disagree.

[Anonymous]

^are