Wife quit job without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sort of reeling here, home on a snow day. My wife just announced she was quitting her job which provides our health insurance because she "doesn't like it and dreads going to work." When I asked why it's the basic office crap, office politics etc. I'd support moving to a new job but I am upset being thrown for a loop. We now have to scrape together insurance through my jobs awful plan. We have kids in daycare and before people ask, I do drop offs and pick ups. It's in my building. I'm taking a break and trying to collect my thoughts. How would you proceed.

Now she can stay home and watch them until she get's another job. I bet you're paying a lot for daycare that you can save.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she want to be a SAHM now or will she be looking for another job? Maybe she'll find it quickly. You should be supportive of her right now.

I agree plus they will save a ton on daycare and other costs. Maybe have her take a year off or until they are in school.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this blindsided you. A day at a time is the only thing helpful now imho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

Could something have happened at work that she isn't telling you?

Op. Possibly but she's completely shut down on the subject. She's just done.

You should support her then. It must have been pretty bad so why would you want her to be that miserable. That's not healthy for either of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she was that miserable she should quit, and OP you should support that. She'll find another one.

They made joint decisions including where to live and health coverage for her family based on her employment. She doesn't get to unilaterally and immediately pull such a stupid entitled act without considering the repercussions. If she was miserable, she should talk to her husband so that they can make plans around how to handle the lower household income and the loss of healthcare. as he said, she's just unilaterally eaten up their cushion and especially paying for COBRA healthcare, may have to dip into their savings to cover the income she just petulantly gave up without discussion. OP is very supportive. Looks like his wife not so much.

OP--even if she quits, she is eligible for COBRA. It is expensive, but if the insurance is that much better, you should pay for the better plan rather than take a bad insurance plan through your employer. This gives you options to look through the health exchange or wait for her to get another job with a better health package than yours.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your household income? What percentage do you bring in? What does she bring in?

Also, what industry is she in? Do you know if there is much mobility in her field? Can you reach out with her, today, to recruiters? A recruiter may be able to calm your mind if there's a strong market, or provide her with a wake up call if it's tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

Could something have happened at work that she isn't telling you?

Op. Possibly but she's completely shut down on the subject. She's just done.

You should support her then. It must have been pretty bad so why would you want her to be that miserable. That's not healthy for either of you.

Oh please. The double standard on this board is INSANE. Would you be saying that if the DH just up and quit his job with no explanation? Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

Could something have happened at work that she isn't telling you?

Op. Possibly but she's completely shut down on the subject. She's just done.

You should support her then. It must have been pretty bad so why would you want her to be that miserable. That's not healthy for either of you.

You should support her? Would we be having the same discussion if this were the DH that unilaterally decided to quit his job?

There are plenty of studies that show that MOST people are miserable at their jobs.

Unless something horrific happened, there is nothing that make OP's DW special. She doesn't like her job. Welcome to most of the rest of the world.

She is MARRIED, has CHILDREN, and just decided - hey, gonna quit today. Not going to discuss it with anyone, just gonna quit. Who cares that the kids health insurance is through my company, who cares what it does to the household financials, as long as I am happy, everyone else in the house can figure out what to do... and not only am I perfectly fine with putting everyone else in a bad situation, they should support me!

WOW - get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She announced her notice. They actually want her to stay but she's not budging.

Could something have happened at work that she isn't telling you?

Op. Possibly but she's completely shut down on the subject. She's just done.

You should support her then. It must have been pretty bad so why would you want her to be that miserable. That's not healthy for either of you.

Oh please. The double standard on this board is INSANE. Would you be saying that if the DH just up and quit his job with no explanation? Exactly.

Seriously. Threads like these make me scared for my sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financially it will be difficult. Our entire cushion is gone and the whole premise of our financial choices change (living close in a walkable neighborhood with good schools) goes out the window, which she also doesn't want to face.

Put the house up for rent and start looking for a home in the other side of town.
You got no option. The lifestyle you enjoyed depended on 2 paychecks. You are not a money cow

[Anonymous]

Op here. We are talking in an hour. I don't understand but want to get to the bottom of this.

[Anonymous]

I'm the wife who carries the health insurance and I take that very seriously. When I was miserable at work I cried to my husband about it and we brainstormed how to make things better. I also explored other opportunities.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are talking in an hour. I don't understand but want to get to the bottom of this.

Good OP. Try to be understanding and find out when she will start looking for another job. What field is she in?

[Anonymous]

Wow. That is really awful. I hate going to work, too, but its what adults do when they need to live indoors, eat food, and wear clothes. I can't quit until I can either replace my current income or do better. Your wife sounds childish and short-sighted. No way would I indulge this, nor would I expect my spouse to.