Wife quit job without telling me

[Anonymous]

I wonder what the responses would be if this were a DW saying that her DH quit his job without telling anyone...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the responses would be if this were a DW saying that her DH quit his job without telling anyone...

Start your own thread and you'll find out.

[Anonymous]

The thing that bothers me the most is that your family gets insurance through her job. That is a BIG deal. Paying for COBRA is extremely expensive, and individual health plans are for crap -they cost a fortune for barely any coverage. That alone would make me so angry.

I don't care how unhappy she is - she should have talked to you about it in advance. Perhaps she didn't talk to you because she knew what you would say - which is what any normal rational person would say - keep your job until you find a new one.

She is just plain selfish to do this to you and your family. I'm sorry. I do not agree with the people here saying "you need to support her." I would have agreed if she was talking to you about this in advance and you could have come up with a plan or strategy. But instead she blindsided you. I'm mad for you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I'm being real when I say this: you need to ask her why she was let go or fired and tell her you're not mad about that and can help her find a new job. She did not quit. Women with kids are not impetuous like that. They would not pull something that would so significantly affect their kids' well being for their own benefit. I'm saying this as a mom who knows tons of moms: there's a calculus we all run when it comes to making a decision. It nearly always means asking ourselves "how can I do this thing with minimal pain and discomfort or irritation to my kids and husband while bearing the maximum amount of inconvenience myself."

Big to small, we do this. It's why we run errands while the baby is napping or go out for girls night when the kids are in bed, or cancel a girls night without complaint when husband's work event comes up. It's just how moms are wired/ we do stuff for ourselves but we figure out a way first to minimize the negative impact for everyone else in the family.

She was fired and embarrassed to tell you but I really don't think she just quit knowing her job provides insurance and a much needed salary and is now unwilling to even discuss. Probe further.

Wow. You are damn naive. So you don't know that some mothers are selfish? Or abuse their children?

Obviously I do. We are talking about op's family situation though which is an intact nuclear family with parents who clearly care enough to do things like buy a walkable home in a good school district. THOSE moms don't do this stuff. Obviously if abuse were an issue he would have raised it from the jump.

There are plenty of selfish or abusive mothers in walkable homes in good school districts. Don't be naive and classist.

Seriously, what an obnoxious and absurd statement. Having the means to buy a home in a good school district has nothing to do with how good of a parent someone is. There are plenty of wonderful parents who struggle financially, and plenty of bad parents who are wealthy. Money is not the same as caring.

How many moms do you know would quit a job willy nilly without caring that it provides insurance for their kids and kept their finances afloat? I don't know any like that. Most grown women with kidsdon't behave that way which is why I think she was fired. I'm not saying there aren't bad moms. I'm saying most moms will do whatever it takes to make sure their kids are cared for, even at their own expense, which is why this story as told doesn't add up. A good Mom (and op never suggested she wasnt or that she's abusive or neglectful in any other way) wouldn't just put her family in jeopardy like this. Even he was shocked because is not normal behavior for most women with responsibilities. My opinion. Take it or leave it.

New poster here. Given how not normal this is, I would be concerned that a) something happened to the OP's wife at work that she hasn't told him that makes her feel like she needs to leave right now or that b) OP's wife is experiencing some kind of mental health breakdown.

I also find it funny how many people who are saying that the OP needs to come back with an update. The OP and his wife are dealing with a family crisis. Why on earth should updating a bunch of gossips on the internet be anywhere near their priority list??

[Anonymous]

A lot of us don't like our jobs, but we power through it b/c the paycheck and benefits outweigh my personal hate for the company/co workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of us don't like our jobs, but we power through it b/c the paycheck and benefits outweigh my personal hate for the company/co workers.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of us don't like our jobs, but we power through it b/c the paycheck and benefits outweigh my personal hate for the company/co workers.

Yup.

Imagine what welfare would look like if everyone who didn't like their job just quit.

[Anonymous]

OP! Where are you? Please update!

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. I calmed down a bit and we managed to have a very real conversation. My wife's job isn't something she loves, but she's good at it and is paid decently and part of the agreement for me to take my job and leave the feds (where we had excellent benefits) was that she carry our health insurance through her work. Financially, my wife working put us in the category of stable, we were saving for retirement, kids college, and building savings. Without her job, we can basically cover the expenses but no retirement, no college savings, etc. It's bone tight and possibly worse considering my crappy crappy health plan.

Anyway, she admitted it was wrong to just quit, but she sort of had a breakdown and decided she was wasting her life. She wanted a career that is basically incongruent with our life (working in dangerous developing countries overseas instead of writing boring reports). I get it; I don't love my own job, but we have kids and bills and a life and choices we made. Sort of undoing a lot of things including selling the house, we are kind of screwed. I remember the adventure years. They were fun. We lived and traveled and spent 7 years before kids and our mutual decision to settle in DC and raise a family.

She agreed to withdraw her resignation, I encouraged her to find a new job and she agreed that therapy (which her excellent insurance basically covers for a 5 dollar co-pay) is in order.

I'm less upset, but I just feel like she's so wrapped up in her own resentment and "lost dreams" that she can't see what we do have. I don't know what to do with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. I calmed down a bit and we managed to have a very real conversation. My wife's job isn't something she loves, but she's good at it and is paid decently and part of the agreement for me to take my job and leave the feds (where we had excellent benefits) was that she carry our health insurance through her work. Financially, my wife working put us in the category of stable, we were saving for retirement, kids college, and building savings. Without her job, we can basically cover the expenses but no retirement, no college savings, etc. It's bone tight and possibly worse considering my crappy crappy health plan.

Anyway, she admitted it was wrong to just quit, but she sort of had a breakdown and decided she was wasting her life. She wanted a career that is basically incongruent with our life (working in dangerous developing countries overseas instead of writing boring reports). I get it; I don't love my own job, but we have kids and bills and a life and choices we made. Sort of undoing a lot of things including selling the house, we are kind of screwed. I remember the adventure years. They were fun. We lived and traveled and spent 7 years before kids and our mutual decision to settle in DC and raise a family.

She agreed to withdraw her resignation, I encouraged her to find a new job and she agreed that therapy (which her excellent insurance basically covers for a 5 dollar co-pay) is in order.

I'm less upset, but I just feel like she's so wrapped up in her own resentment and "lost dreams" that she can't see what we do have. I don't know what to do with that.

OP your wife sounds like 95% of working people. Hopefully therapy will help her. I want to quit my job everyday and become a professional Black Jack/Craps player.

[Anonymous]

^Oh and I forgot to add, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. I calmed down a bit and we managed to have a very real conversation. My wife's job isn't something she loves, but she's good at it and is paid decently and part of the agreement for me to take my job and leave the feds (where we had excellent benefits) was that she carry our health insurance through her work. Financially, my wife working put us in the category of stable, we were saving for retirement, kids college, and building savings. Without her job, we can basically cover the expenses but no retirement, no college savings, etc. It's bone tight and possibly worse considering my crappy crappy health plan.

Anyway, she admitted it was wrong to just quit, but she sort of had a breakdown and decided she was wasting her life. She wanted a career that is basically incongruent with our life (working in dangerous developing countries overseas instead of writing boring reports). I get it; I don't love my own job, but we have kids and bills and a life and choices we made. Sort of undoing a lot of things including selling the house, we are kind of screwed. I remember the adventure years. They were fun. We lived and traveled and spent 7 years before kids and our mutual decision to settle in DC and raise a family.

She agreed to withdraw her resignation, I encouraged her to find a new job and she agreed that therapy (which her excellent insurance basically covers for a 5 dollar co-pay) is in order.

I'm less upset, but I just feel like she's so wrapped up in her own resentment and "lost dreams" that she can't see what we do have. I don't know what to do with that.

OP your wife sounds like 95% of working people. Hopefully therapy will help her. I want to quit my job everyday and become a professional Black Jack/Craps player.

+1

I am really glad that once the dust settled, you and your DW were able to figure this out.

I know I hate my job. I absolutely hate everything about it - I don't feel like I make any substantial contribution to society, I hate my boss who is incompetent, and I hate my commute (40 miles each way around the beltway).

But, I have a 3 month old daughter and quite frankly, she is worth sacrificing everything for.

[Anonymous]

I hope they accept her resignation pullback. Sounds like she's in a midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

Glad you are not my husband. He would have been fine with me quitting, taking some time off and then applying for something more interesting.

[Anonymous]

Op, you wrote:

"My wife's job isn't something she loves, but she's good at it and is paid decently and part of the agreement for me to take my job and leave the feds (where we had excellent benefits)."

So you left a job with great benefits.....why? And now your wife is shouldering all the responsibility for benefits while you insist she stays in a crappy job situation which she finds intolerable. SMH.

You also owe it to your family to be looking for a job with better benefits.