Wife quit job without telling me

[Anonymous]

I am sort of reeling here, home on a snow day. My wife just announced she was quitting her job which provides our health insurance because she "doesn't like it and dreads going to work." When I asked why it's the basic office crap, office politics etc. I'd support moving to a new job but I am upset being thrown for a loop. We now have to scrape together insurance through my jobs awful plan. We have kids in daycare and before people ask, I do drop offs and pick ups. It's in my building. I'm taking a break and trying to collect my thoughts. How would you proceed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you were thrown for a loop. Has she actually resigned or just made up her mind? Is her plan to find a new job?

[Anonymous]

Financially it will be difficult. Our entire cushion is gone and the whole premise of our financial choices change (living close in a walkable neighborhood with good schools) goes out the window, which she also doesn't want to face.

[Anonymous]

I would be pissed. That type of unilateral decision is not okay in a relationship. I think that, especially with kids and responsibilities, that you wait until you find a new job until you get rid of the one you have. Your wife sounds entitled and selfish, sorry.

But, MOST people do not like their jobs, have to deal with office politics and BS... They do it, so they can pay bills and support their families.

[Anonymous]

WTF is she thinking? People only get to do what we "want" to do in life?

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned she got fired. Most normal people don't up and quit without notice. Has she been flaky like this before?

Could be depression, too. Any chance of that?

Barring health issues like depression, I'd ask her what her plan is for getting a new job. Or what's her vision of your family's financial health and future? Can you make it on just your salary?

[Anonymous]

Wait, did she already quit? Or is she saying she needs to? If she hasn't quit already, work with her to determine a timeline - as in, if you haven't found a job by X month, I will support you quitting to look full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, did she already quit? Or is she saying she needs to? If she hasn't quit already, work with her to determine a timeline - as in, if you haven't found a job by X month, I will support you quitting to look full time.

+1

[Anonymous]

If my spouse did this, I'd be out. This is completely selfish and not OK. This is not the kind of person I would want to be with.

[Anonymous]

OP, for best advice please confirm whether or not your wife has actually quit or is just announcing today that she is going to quit? Because if she hasn't quit, she can't quit unless you both agree to it. Signed, DW

[Anonymous]

How would I proceed? As I always do in difficult circumstances. One step at a time. That leads to progress, though it may seem slow.

[Anonymous]

I say this to her - that you are thrown for a loop. You are disappointed that she took this step without discussing it with you. You guys are a team and this is a huge move that should be a mutual agreement or at least discussed.

If she hasn't yet quit I'd ask her to sit down and have a discussion about the financial stuff you mentioned and see what she says.

[Anonymous]

Did she already resign, or did she just announce her intention to quit?

Can you talk about it, have her delay until she finds another job, have her take time off or something? Is she mentally at her wits end, like I have been, in a bad job siutation? Or, is she melting down and doesn't know how to survive in her current job and how to wait it out until she gets another one.

[Anonymous]

If she was that miserable she should quit, and OP you should support that. She'll find another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she was that miserable she should quit, and OP you should support that. She'll find another one.

True but the unilateral nature of such a big decision is not cool.