Husband refuses to leave low paying, dead end job

[Anonymous]

Not OP but same problem - told DH I am leaving him in August we are done. Dont want to have to find childcare midyear for DD. Enough is enough. DH can go to his mom or dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but same problem - told DH I am leaving him in August we are done. Dont want to have to find childcare midyear for DD. Enough is enough. DH can go to his mom or dads.

He's better off without you, shrew. He should get a good lawyer and make sure you get zilch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but same problem - told DH I am leaving him in August we are done. Dont want to have to find childcare midyear for DD. Enough is enough. DH can go to his mom or dads.

He's better off without you, shrew. He should get a good lawyer and make sure you get zilch.

ha! there is nothing he has to offer!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Well, I wish my husband made $64k. He has worked for Wally World for almost 30 years and makes $39k (I make $65k). He told me when we were dating that he was going to get a network manager job and started taking classes. Then, after we married he finished the classes but never took the tests (don't think he ever intended to and took the classes to avoid working on Saturdays). Already had a BS in business and marketing. I mentioned a job opening where I work (before we were married). It was $5k over what he was making and we have paid insurance, spring break, 2 weeks at Christmas, vacations and snow days. Well, he said he wasn't going to change unless he would make 6 figures, not just an extra $5k. (truthful statement) Yes, he could afford stocks and 401k because he lived at home with mommy and daddy until they retired and moved. WW has no pension. BTW, husband is now 60. He waited too long.

I think it was his intention to take the starter job and make it a career. He compares being a "Sales Associate" and zoning the store with my stressful IT job all the time (of course his is more important).

It is hard to respect him.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Well, I wish my husband made $64k. He has worked for Wally World for almost 30 years and makes $39k (I make $65k). He told me when we were dating that he was going to get a network manager job and started taking classes. Then, after we married he finished the classes but never took the tests (don't think he ever intended to and took the classes to avoid working on Saturdays). Already had a BS in business and marketing. I mentioned a job opening where I work (before we were married). It was $5k over what he was making and we have paid insurance, spring break, 2 weeks at Christmas, vacations and snow days. Well, he said he wasn't going to change unless he would make 6 figures, not just an extra $5k. (truthful statement) Yes, he could afford stocks and 401k because he lived at home with mommy and daddy until they retired and moved. WW has no pension. BTW, husband is now 60. He waited too long.

I think it was his intention to take the starter job and make it a career. He compares being a "Sales Associate" and zoning the store with my stressful IT job all the time (of course his is more important).

It is hard to respect him. [/quote]

Wow PP. What does he do at WW, why hasn't he at least made it to management if he has a bachelors degree?

A BS in business? Wow, what a waste. Is he at least happy? A good father? An attentive husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?? You're in your early 50s and driving them to after school activities? Hmm.

And yes, he should at least look for something that pays better so you can save for retirement and all that.

Uh, my kids will be 10 and 12 when I'm 50. Are you from Iowa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but same problem - told DH I am leaving him in August we are done. Dont want to have to find childcare midyear for DD. Enough is enough. DH can go to his mom or dads.

He's better off without you, shrew. He should get a good lawyer and make sure you get zilch.

+1
So many women complaining about their husbands not bringing home the bacon, but it's not like the women like OP are doing much better. So many man haters on here obsessed with $$$$.

Did you have a shotgun wedding? It seems like his apathy (or whatever you want to call it) toward his career isn't something that would appear out of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Well, I wish my husband made $64k. He has worked for Wally World for almost 30 years and makes $39k (I make $65k). He told me when we were dating that he was going to get a network manager job and started taking classes. Then, after we married he finished the classes but never took the tests (don't think he ever intended to and took the classes to avoid working on Saturdays). Already had a BS in business and marketing. I mentioned a job opening where I work (before we were married). It was $5k over what he was making and we have paid insurance, spring break, 2 weeks at Christmas, vacations and snow days. Well, he said he wasn't going to change unless he would make 6 figures, not just an extra $5k. (truthful statement) Yes, he could afford stocks and 401k because he lived at home with mommy and daddy until they retired and moved. WW has no pension. BTW, husband is now 60. He waited too long.

I think it was his intention to take the starter job and make it a career. He compares being a "Sales Associate" and zoning the store with my stressful IT job all the time (of course his is more important).

It is hard to respect him. [/quote]

It sounds like you married potential, instead of reality. Almost everyone (particularly young men) overestimates their future career trajectories. When a teenage, or twenty-something, male talks a good game about his career and ambition, it's basically like a child saying that when he grows up, he is going to be an astronaut-mountain-climbing-architect-rockstar-president. It's endearing, but don't take it seriously.

Ladies: don't marry potential. If what your boyfriend is doing today is not something you'd be happy with in the long-term, do not assume that things will improve. The reality is that most people burn out in their 30s, unless they are unusually ambitious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your DH. I want you to know that I have been staying up late, applying for jobs that pay more, only to be faced with rejection after rejection. I went on an interview last month and when they gave me a salary range, it was only 10k more than my current pay. I want you to know that I am trying. I wish you could understand that it is not easy to step into a higher paying job. Salaries are all over the spectrum here. I wish I was able to command more for my skill set, but the competition is fierce right now. I want you to know that the salaries people post on Glassdoor and LinkedIn and whatever career-oriented websites that exist are not always accurate. I am trying.

Instead of whining, you could try helping your DW with the household work and childcare. And you could try appreciating her for the fact that she works TWO jobs so you have the luxury of sticking with this one.

Wow, chill out. I'm not the PP, but he never said he wasn't helping out with the household work and childcare. Obviously you have some issues you need to work through in your own life if you're throwing mud at a perfect stranger who wrote a very heartfelt post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All valid points made above. I could accept low pay, if he worked fewer hours. That is just not going to happen with this job. Our kids are 12 and 14 and do need to be driven to multiple activities. I feel like I have pulled more than my weight for years since he is rarely around. I have looked for a new higher paying job as well, but honestly would feel resentful taking on even more stress to keep him where he is. I don't expect for him to magically find a job, just to make a serious attempt to see what else is out there. If nothing, so be it.

Is he a journalist or in some other field where people tend to accept those sorts of salary because the work is extremely rewarding? If so he could probably move over to PR or the coms side and make more, but it can be a rough transition. (Just making some assumptions here!)

[Anonymous]

OP you need to step up and find a high paying job. How much do you make? Stop making excuses for your low income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All valid points made above. I could accept low pay, if he worked fewer hours. That is just not going to happen with this job. Our kids are 12 and 14 and do need to be driven to multiple activities. I feel like I have pulled more than my weight for years since he is rarely around. I have looked for a new higher paying job as well, but honestly would feel resentful taking on even more stress to keep him where he is. I don't expect for him to magically find a job, just to make a serious attempt to see what else is out there. If nothing, so be it.

It's his career and he knows what makes him happy. Lower your bills or make cuts elsewhere, but for heaven's sake stop pestering him. It's his career and apparently he's happy there. You sound awfully controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but same problem - told DH I am leaving him in August we are done. Dont want to have to find childcare midyear for DD. Enough is enough. DH can go to his mom or dads.

He's better off without you, shrew. He should get a good lawyer and make sure you get zilch.

+1
So many women complaining about their husbands not bringing home the bacon, but it's not like the women like OP are doing much better. So many man haters on here obsessed with $$$$.

Did you have a shotgun wedding? It seems like his apathy (or whatever you want to call it) toward his career isn't something that would appear out of nowhere.

No different than the men who complain about not having enough sex. Goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but same problem - told DH I am leaving him in August we are done. Dont want to have to find childcare midyear for DD. Enough is enough. DH can go to his mom or dads.

He's better off without you, shrew. He should get a good lawyer and make sure you get zilch.

+1
So many women complaining about their husbands not bringing home the bacon, but it's not like the women like OP are doing much better. So many man haters on here obsessed with $$$$.

Did you have a shotgun wedding? It seems like his apathy (or whatever you want to call it) toward his career isn't something that would appear out of nowhere.

No different than the men who complain about not having enough sex. Goes both ways.

Does it though?

[Anonymous]

I doubt there are an abundance of high paying jobs close to home that don't involve travel.

Likely your DH has spent a ton of time online looking for better jobs and has come up empty.

Just like it might be hard for you to find a higher paying job that allows significant flexibility, your DH likely also can't find the perfect job that meets all your expectations.

Given you look down your nose at a 65K salary, I assume you make much more. Can your DH quit and stay at home nad do the running around and you get a higher paying job that supports the family? Maybe switching roles could work.