Anyone else still madly in love with their husband?

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who was madly in love with her husband. One day she came home from a business trip to find her beloved had moved out, and moved in with a work colleague he'd been having an affair with for a year.

I am happy for OP. Sounds like she's happy, and that's important. But sometimes denial can play a big role in happiness. I'm not saying that's the case with OP or any of the other "madly in love" posters, but that surely was the case with the woman I mentioned above. The cold slap of reality hit her so hard she was catatonic, and definitely unhappy, for a long time.

Thankfully, this woman found another man, and she's happy again, a lot wiser the second time around.

[Anonymous]

Usually I criticize reflexively but in this instance I need more information before deciding if OP is delusional and self-aggrandizing or not.

What kinds of things does her husband do to create such ecstasy? How has he fulfilled her deepest wishes and dreams or respected them? How did they meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband more today than the day I married him 8 years ago. I love him for what a great dad he is to our kids, for the sacrifices he's made in his career to be more present for our family, for the way he supports MY career in this very tough economy. We have a lot of fun together and every day I feel grateful for my life and my family.

But I don't feel smitten, mushy or head-over-heels when I look at him, the way I felt when we met. We fight, we disagree, but we always work it out and we never act without respect toward the other person. We've had rough patches and better times, and for me, marriage is hard work. How can it not be?? We're two different people with strong opinions about the things we care about, and those opinions aren't always aligned.

I do feel lucky that we have a strong marriage, but it's not like it was handed to us. I've made a lot of compromises and so has he, and we continue to meet somewhere in the middle every day. Let's hope that continues!

I think this description describes most happy marriages I have observed personally (including my own). The head-over-heels feelings that OP describes aren't constant, I think, after many years of marriage but come and go. But I don't think those "madly in love" sensations define a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

"our barb implied that us simpering ninnies are all fussing around over husbands who are as detached as yours ostensibly is. I answered because it's not the case. I'm tired of women like you, who cut other women down because you perceive other women's happiness as threatening or competitive or I don't even know what. It's not okay to tear another woman down simply because she is happy. Nobody insulted you, nobody mocked the sadness you're going through. If you posted to tell me that you were having a rough time with your marriage and were deeply unhappy, I wouldn't thumb my nose at you and say "oh too bad for you because my marriage is super."

You don't know Sh** about me. I'm not going through any sadness or am unhappy. I'm not bitter. Nothing wrong with my marriage. So don't equate critical with a bitter, unhappy wife. I don't need to build myself up on here by bragging about the state of my marriage to other people who are unhappy or sad. But, I find the gloating and "look at me" attitude distasteful. This thread started by thumbing their noses at the ladies on another forum who ARE unhappy. Pitying them. People who are truly happy . . . their relationships speak for themselves. You don't need to rub other peoples noses in things.

I wasn't the original "clucking" poster or one of the original critical posters. But I agree with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"our barb implied that us simpering ninnies are all fussing around over husbands who are as detached as yours ostensibly is. I answered because it's not the case. I'm tired of women like you, who cut other women down because you perceive other women's happiness as threatening or competitive or I don't even know what. It's not okay to tear another woman down simply because she is happy. Nobody insulted you, nobody mocked the sadness you're going through. If you posted to tell me that you were having a rough time with your marriage and were deeply unhappy, I wouldn't thumb my nose at you and say "oh too bad for you because my marriage is super."

You don't know Sh** about me. I'm not going through any sadness or am unhappy. I'm not bitter. Nothing wrong with my marriage. So don't equate critical with a bitter, unhappy wife. I don't need to build myself up on here by bragging about the state of my marriage to other people who are unhappy or sad. But, I find the gloating and "look at me" attitude distasteful. This thread started by thumbing their noses at the ladies on another forum who ARE unhappy. Pitying them. People who are truly happy . . . their relationships speak for themselves. You don't need to rub other peoples noses in things.

I wasn't the original "clucking" poster or one of the original critical posters. But I agree with them.

Who cares? All of you women who are on here trying to discourage or undermine the happiness of other women are shitty people who no doubt will get exactly what they deserve out of life. Not one of you sound happy, nice, or well-adjusted. No matter how nice your husband is, you'll never be happy carrying all of that darkness inside you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who was madly in love with her husband. One day she came home from a business trip to find her beloved had moved out, and moved in with a work colleague he'd been having an affair with for a year.

I am happy for OP. Sounds like she's happy, and that's important. But sometimes denial can play a big role in happiness. I'm not saying that's the case with OP or any of the other "madly in love" posters, but that surely was the case with the woman I mentioned above. The cold slap of reality hit her so hard she was catatonic, and definitely unhappy, for a long time.

Thankfully, this woman found another man, and she's happy again, a lot wiser the second time around.

PP here. Seriously, poster, you should be embarrassed for yourself, writing this. Your bitterness and desire to see other people unhappy is transparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:by experience, when you talk so much about something, means that something is missing, and you're looking for excuses, maybe you could just ask why your husband doesn't love you as much as you do. For those who are madly in love with their husbands after long period marriage, you need to be careful, most of men are flirting with other women, some of them are cheating on you, while you're in other world of madly in love.

PP yet again. As for this poster, (are you the same person btw?) I just feel sorry for her. Such anger, bitterness, and the intent to discourage and undermine other women is a very obvious way to say "I am filled with hate and sorrow." I hope life turns around for you, sad angry lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by experience, when you talk so much about something, means that something is missing, and you're looking for excuses, maybe you could just ask why your husband doesn't love you as much as you do. For those who are madly in love with their husbands after long period marriage, you need to be careful, most of men are flirting with other women, some of them are cheating on you, while you're in other world of madly in love.

PP yet again. As for this poster, (are you the same person btw?) I just feel sorry for her. Such anger, bitterness, and the intent to discourage and undermine other women is a very obvious way to say "I am filled with hate and sorrow." I hope life turns around for you, sad angry lady.

No I'm not. If she's happy, then why she has tell everyone about it, I never said that she's not "madly in love", but sure she's not happy, she even said that her husband has to pull away from her to leave the house, I'm sure she's irritating. BTW you sound like a very angry person, you can't hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by experience, when you talk so much about something, means that something is missing, and you're looking for excuses, maybe you could just ask why your husband doesn't love you as much as you do. For those who are madly in love with their husbands after long period marriage, you need to be careful, most of men are flirting with other women, some of them are cheating on you, while you're in other world of madly in love.

PP yet again. As for this poster, (are you the same person btw?) I just feel sorry for her. Such anger, bitterness, and the intent to discourage and undermine other women is a very obvious way to say "I am filled with hate and sorrow." I hope life turns around for you, sad angry lady.

No I'm not. If she's happy, then why she has tell everyone about it, I never said that she's not "madly in love", but sure she's not happy, she even said that her husband has to pull away from her to leave the house, I'm sure she's irritating. BTW you sound like a very angry person, you can't hide it.

Because some of us don't feed off of negativity. Some of us WANT to hear success stories. Some of us like knowing that it is possible to achieve and maintain a happy marriage, even those of us that are in the processing of leaving. We still want to know that it is not over for us. I am not the PP you are referring to but, my god, what is wrong with you??? Would anyone say to an unhappy person 'Why are you telling us this?' NO. If you don't want to read it then stay out of the thread. It has actually been very reassuring for me to hear that my soon to be Ex is wrong and that I just might find somebody better after all.

[Anonymous]

I'm sharing my opinion, after life experience, if you don't want to hear it, then follow your advice "don't read it", and yes I'm not attacking anyone, I'm sharing so many "madly in love women stories".

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow. Truly sorry for what I started.

We've been through a lot. We had financial troubles for about a year that made me freak out regularly but DH was rock solid as always. At some point he told me to stop apologizing for being so freaked out because I had no idea how much I'd been doing to keep the trains running on time.

Then we dealt with his scary, year-long illness involving a few hospitalizations and traveling to every specialist within 200 miles, and strangely that solidified this sense that he is the most precious person whom I could never stand to lose. And through it all, though I was tired as hell, I poured myself into our family and he poured himself-- what energy he had-- into sustaining me through a terrible time at work and a bad situation with family of origin.

Now on the other side of this, I've learned some things. I've learned that I need to curb that instinct to make an excuse and say "no you're wrong" when in fact I am wrong. I've learned that I love him more than I love getting out of the door on time for once in our lives. I've learned that if I open my eyes I can see that he's giving me a ton every day. And see our wedding picture, which means something to both of us. Our vows mean something to both of us.

So no, there will be no cheating. There will be no leaving. Most of all, we share the same values, in addition to valuing each other.

This has been a very educational thread. I've shown it to a couple of friends, one in a rough patch in her marriage and one in a good but volatile marriage with serious ups and downs. Neither of them related to the bitterness. And I don't either.

[Anonymous]

congatulations, but your case is not similar to sa many madly in love wives, the month I discover that I had cancer, my husband went and hired a lawyer for divorce, what a shock

[Anonymous]

Wow, PP, I am so sorry this has happened and that your husband taking the worst opportunity ever to fly the coop. Please reach out to your friends and family, you will need their help and support.

[Anonymous]

OP-If you are madly in love, GOOD FOR YOU. It's nothing "weird' so your post seems very out of the ordinary and almost like you are not well adjusted. Enjoy your lovely marriage and get busy doing something else than writing to strangers how smitten you are. WHO CARES?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband more today than the day I married him 8 years ago. I love him for what a great dad he is to our kids, for the sacrifices he's made in his career to be more present for our family, for the way he supports MY career in this very tough economy. We have a lot of fun together and every day I feel grateful for my life and my family.

But I don't feel smitten, mushy or head-over-heels when I look at him, the way I felt when we met. We fight, we disagree, but we always work it out and we never act without respect toward the other person. We've had rough patches and better times, and for me, marriage is hard work. How can it not be?? We're two different people with strong opinions about the things we care about, and those opinions aren't always aligned.

I do feel lucky that we have a strong marriage, but it's not like it was handed to us. I've made a lot of compromises and so has he, and we continue to meet somewhere in the middle every day. Let's hope that continues!

I think this description describes most happy marriages I have observed personally (including my own). The head-over-heels feelings that OP describes aren't constant, I think, after many years of marriage but come and go. But I don't think those "madly in love" sensations define a happy marriage.

this is a REAL marriage! I agree with you on this 150 percent. I love my husband, but the reality is that with kids and with time your relationship changes from those first few days/weeks/months/years of being in love. Cheers to you and your husband!