Anyone else still madly in love with their husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't resent the OP at all. I just reinforces my idea that there are some great men out there. My husband has absolutely no respect for me (one example: he created an account on a dating website, and told me that it was just to see pics of women when Iconfronted him about it). I refuse to be cynical about my problems and pretty much blame myself for making the wrong choice years ago. I am still youngg though, I will move on with dignity and hope that there's someone out there for me.

The truth is that he will NEVER do better than you. Drop him. I read somewhere that in most cases when women leave bad marriages, they thrive while the deadbeats have a tough time. Trust me, there are plenty of great men out there. The bad ones just feed on our insecurities telling us garbage so that we think everyone out there is like this. You will find your Prince!

I have to agree. my dad treated my mom with NO respect. Even as a child, I thought he was awful to her.

She FINALLY left him after 20 years and is experiencing a personal period of Reniassance. She is healthy, fit, stylish, hot, and glowing! She has a newly found confidence and has been with a wonderful boyfriend for the last 5 years. It took her so long to find Mr. Right, but I think for her it was well worth the wait.

After watching my dad treat my mom like dog, I am thankful every day for being a healthy person and picking the dead opposite mate as my father. There ARE good men out there and it is refreshing to hear other women talk about how they found one of them and are holding on tight because they know not to let him go. There are just some people who loathe happiness. I suspect in some of those relationships, the making of each other miserable is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

not me.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband now more than ever and we have been together for almost 15 years. We have gone through some really difficult times together (financial) and that has brought us closer.
My only tip would be to pick someone of similar values, including views on divorce, and show appreciation openly and regularly.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP and I had no idea that it would be perceived as gloating or insensitive. I can't imagine posting "tips or insight" about marriage for other people because I have no idea what makes them tick, and I wouldn't presume to know what makes a totally different person's marriage work out or not.

We post about our healthy children when many women are struggling to care for their children with disabilities-- and that's not gloating.
We post with questions about good schools for our bright children bored in their local school when some people are having a tough time helping their kids get through that school. Not gloating.
We post to ask whether this $300 stroller or that one is better when there are people on this board who have been laid off and could default on their mortgages-- and that's not gloating.
We post with questions about how to be a SAHM when many people wish they could be-- and that's not gloating.

I posted because I wonder, after reading this board for a couple of years, whether we're all destined to fall out of love or can it last forever? And because I have often wondered whether most people with kids eventually gravitate away from marital romance and towards 100% parenting.

My post meant no harm and I apologize to anyone whose day was ruined, but some of your responses were frankly nasty.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that I would say I get mushy after 10 years together, but DH is my best friend, I'm definitely still in love with him, we have an awesome time together, he is the first person I need and want to and have the urge to tell bad or good news to because I know he will make me feel better or celebrate with me.

It is definitely a different feeling than when we first started dating and I had that can't eat, can't sleep feeling, but I think that's normal!

We don't have sex as often as we could/should since the baby but we are working on that!

[Anonymous]

We have a strong marriage and sometimes I melt when he does thoughtful little things for me but I am basically impossible to satisfy. In my mind I periodically return to major disappointments in our relationship and fantasize about revenge even though I know he loe me and I love him. The difference is that sometimes we don't back down which leads to unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm one of those women who's very happily married, but even so, i find the attitude from those gloating about their great marriages and the pity they feel for all those people in miserable marriages very distasteful and childish. just be happy you have a happy marriage and tell your husband how you feel, but i can assure you that announcing such sentiments to others comes across as very irritating and pointless.

I agree. And, to the why is it not ok poster . . .because it's gloating. It's rubbing other peoples' noses in it. It's unrequested pity.
Glad you folks are happy (as am I) but it's a bit self-congratulatory and distasteful to post as you do. Especially when done while referencing other people's misery. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I envy OP, but I don't resent her for posting. She had a legitimate question, and I find it informative that many people echoed her feelings. Yes, I feel worse after reading her post because compared to her marriage, mine stinks, but that's my problem, not hers.

I think it's ridiculous that anyone who is considered fortunate ends up being attacked around here. Are you only allowed to post if you are poor and unhappy and your children have below-average test scores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and I had no idea that it would be perceived as gloating or insensitive. I can't imagine posting "tips or insight" about marriage for other people because I have no idea what makes them tick, and I wouldn't presume to know what makes a totally different person's marriage work out or not.

We post about our healthy children when many women are struggling to care for their children with disabilities-- and that's not gloating.
We post with questions about good schools for our bright children bored in their local school when some people are having a tough time helping their kids get through that school. Not gloating.
We post to ask whether this $300 stroller or that one is better when there are people on this board who have been laid off and could default on their mortgages-- and that's not gloating.
We post with questions about how to be a SAHM when many people wish they could be-- and that's not gloating.

I posted because I wonder, after reading this board for a couple of years, whether we're all destined to fall out of love or can it last forever? And because I have often wondered whether most people with kids eventually gravitate away from marital romance and towards 100% parenting.

My post meant no harm and I apologize to anyone whose day was ruined, but some of your responses were frankly nasty.

OP, I gave you a "nasty" resonse earlier. It's because it appeared like this thread was only to be a roll call for people with wonderful marriages -- and rubbing salt into the wounds of those who don't. Thanks for clearing it up though. FWIW, I am happily married and have some of the same concerns as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i'm one of those women who's very happily married, but even so, i find the attitude from those gloating about their great marriages and the pity they feel for all those people in miserable marriages very distasteful and childish. just be happy you have a happy marriage and tell your husband how you feel, but i can assure you that announcing such sentiments to others comes across as very irritating and pointless.

I agree. And, to the why is it not ok poster . . .because it's gloating. It's rubbing other peoples' noses in it. It's unrequested pity.
Glad you folks are happy (as am I) but it's a bit self-congratulatory and distasteful to post as you do. Especially when done while referencing other people's misery. Yuck.

no one is rubbing noses. I suspect you are not happy, despite your insistance. No one is feels pity to their face. This is an online mesage board, not sure if you are new to the world of the internet, but 75% of what is said on these type forums are words and thoughts never actually muttered from someone's mouth.

i fee sorry for someone with a HHI under 100k/yr. Would I tell you that to your face? No. I feel sorry for people who can't take nice vacations too.

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't mind a roll call b/c it's heartning to see that there are good marriages out there. My husband and I are best buds. I'm not sure that's the same as "madly in love" since, at the beginning of our relationship we would stay up all night talking, close down restaurants talking, etc etc. but we're super solid. I can tell you what the secret for us is: respect and the ability to see the other person's perspective when you're disagreeing.

[Anonymous]

My husband is my best friend and I'm never bored with him. But when I think of "madly in love" I imagine a smoking sex life, and ours has really mellowed out because I'm so dang tired all the time (we have two small kids).
I really want to get back to a better level of physical intimacy. But we still love each other very much and I trust him with my life.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP and I've been married 22 years. No secret that I can think. We do have a very balanced non gender specific relationship when it comes to making money, doing household chores and child rearing. I think that helps a lot in keeping any friction away - lots of the unhappy people on this board seem to be in relationships where they resent their spouse. When you can eliminate this friction it's a lot easier to focus on all the positive things in each other.


The above post shows me how we are all so different and that the best advice is that you marry someone who shares your views of the world. In my relationship we are pretty old fashioned-I do the "girl" things and he does the "guy" things around the house, he makes the bulk of the money and my career is what I would like it to be when I have time after taking care of our kids. He also still opens the door for me after years of marriage and makes a point, although sometimes missing the mark, on trying to be romantic. We also know that we are in this together and there is something sexy about knowing you are married to an old fashioned stand up guy.

I think if I were married to a gender neutral guy (in terms of our marital role) I would scream because it doesn't feel manly to me but that is me. I do think that a lot of woman think they want an equal marriage but realize that a bit of "Cary Grant" type guy is not too shabby. There are also a lot of guys who think they want that kind of marriage and then realize that it's not for them and chaos errupts. So back to the trick to marriage is to know what you have before you get into it because no one is going to change once they are married..very rare. But so many of my friends who are unhappy admit that the saw something in the person's character that they didn't like and still got married.

Before I get everyone depressed there are also a great many people who in the speed of life just sort of forgot the good things about their partner and sometimes when you start to focus on the positive you grow the positive. It's so easy to get on a track where you are more comfortable tearing your partner down instead of trying to fix things and sexy goes both ways so if you want more romance..act romantic. Guys are pretty simple--take care of yourself and show up in a little nighty and you may find that your partner wants to kiss you more.

[Anonymous]

I am not "still madly" in love with my DH. I am newly in love again with my DH. We have had some real struggles. Not financial, not health, not anything but our own issues and a real adjustment to having kids. We are equal partners in a lot of ways. We both work. Many of the struggles on ths board do not fit our lives, but we had plenty of them.

Just a few months ago, I decided I would have to divorce him. I found myself sobbing as I drove home several nights - not because I thought he was so great, but because I thought it was so incredibly sad that we failed, that the dreams we had together woudl all now be gone. I would be fine, the kids would be as fine as kids can be in that situation, but our lives would be forever altered. I was advised by many caring professionals and friends, and we had tried counseling several times. This was not something I was throwing away lightly.

I decided, before pulling the trigger, to take a few months to step back and to put the struggles of the past behind us. I even told him I wanted to just move forward and acknoledge that things had been rough but that we should move forward and not dwell. We should make the lives we wanted to have.

So far, it's working. I see anew what he does for us, fo rme and the kids. I see his patience when I am not, and try to extend the same to him. I think he has grown as a person. He has recently refocused on working out and being healthy, so he has a smoking hot bod. Not quite sure I am yet "madly" in love, but now I see sitting on the porch in a rocker with this guy in about 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. I just think *personally* that it is jinxy to boast about your wonderful marriage. I wonder if Mrs. Sanford, Mrs. McNair, or Mrs. Spitzer would say hers was a wonderful marriage too?

I've seen too many male colleagues wives' come to Christmas parties, making small talk with the women who work with their husbands about their lovely homes, darling husbands and children. They have no idea hubby is chasing skirts around the office, or having an affair with the new chick in sales. It's embarrassing for me to look that woman in the eyes. I would never want to be that woman, so I would never brag about my marriage. Just my $0.02 worth.