Anyone else still madly in love with their husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get so sad reading the threads about struggling marriages and mothers who are dealing with husbands who don't "get it."

When I think about it, most of my friends are in very comfortable, companion-like marriages with flashes of romance. A few are struggling or in a predictable and apparently acceptable cycle of friendship and mutual ignoring when they're pissed.

I'm still utterly smitten with my husband and by all appearances, it's mutual. Really can't resist kissing him, miss him just as much as DD when we part ways each morning, and never tire of spending time together, to the point where he has to push me out the door for "girl time" with my buddies. I get all mushy when I roll over and see him sleeping next to me.

Our daughter is 5; I can't imagine all of this changing and hope it doesn't.

Am I alone here?

Have more kids, and see if you still feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get so sad reading the threads about struggling marriages and mothers who are dealing with husbands who don't "get it."

When I think about it, most of my friends are in very comfortable, companion-like marriages with flashes of romance. A few are struggling or in a predictable and apparently acceptable cycle of friendship and mutual ignoring when they're pissed.

I'm still utterly smitten with my husband and by all appearances, it's mutual. Really can't resist kissing him, miss him just as much as DD when we part ways each morning, and never tire of spending time together, to the point where he has to push me out the door for "girl time" with my buddies. I get all mushy when I roll over and see him sleeping next to me.

Our daughter is 5; I can't imagine all of this changing and hope it doesn't.

Am I alone here?

Have more kids, and see if you still feel the same.

I have 3 all 2 years apart, now 3, 5, & 7. I've posted earlier that we are still in love. Kids did not change a thing, other than the fact that we can't have sex in the kitchen (well at least when the kids are awake).

[Anonymous]

OP, good for you. As for some of you, my gosh, what's wrong with you? It's incredible that anyone who dares to post about their happy, fulfilled or personally successful marriage on this post is either going to be called boastful (at best) or have some other sad woman try to undermine her. What's wrong with you ladies? Some of you sound so angry and bitter. LIke the woman who said "have more kids and see if you feel the same way" and the woman who said "I would have said the same thing two years ago, let's see if your husband stays happy." Are you proud of yourselves for those statements? Are you really the type of woman who secretly wants other women to be as miserable and unhappy as you are?

OP wrote a positive, uplifting post about her marriage. My husband and I are practically newlyweds at 4 years with our first baby on the way. We have a lot of learning to do and a lot of hard work ahead of us. Of course we're still madly in love. I expect the passion and sexual part of our relationship will ebb and flow as we work through life's challenges together, but he's my best friend and the other half of my heart and I know he feels the same way.

I realize that, by posting here, I'll take some flames from posters who want to attack my marriage anonymously, but that's fine. I think more people need to post positive things on this forum. For the sad and angry women, I'm truly sorry you're angry enough to want to share your misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get so sad reading the threads about struggling marriages and mothers who are dealing with husbands who don't "get it."

When I think about it, most of my friends are in very comfortable, companion-like marriages with flashes of romance. A few are struggling or in a predictable and apparently acceptable cycle of friendship and mutual ignoring when they're pissed.

I'm still utterly smitten with my husband and by all appearances, it's mutual. Really can't resist kissing him, miss him just as much as DD when we part ways each morning, and never tire of spending time together, to the point where he has to push me out the door for "girl time" with my buddies. I get all mushy when I roll over and see him sleeping next to me.

Our daughter is 5; I can't imagine all of this changing and hope it doesn't.

Am I alone here?

Have more kids, and see if you still feel the same.

I have 3 all 2 years apart, now 3, 5, & 7. I've posted earlier that we are still in love. Kids did not change a thing, other than the fact that we can't have sex in the kitchen (well at least when the kids are awake).

Still being in love with your DH, and obsessed with him are two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get so sad reading the threads about struggling marriages and mothers who are dealing with husbands who don't "get it."

When I think about it, most of my friends are in very comfortable, companion-like marriages with flashes of romance. A few are struggling or in a predictable and apparently acceptable cycle of friendship and mutual ignoring when they're pissed.

I'm still utterly smitten with my husband and by all appearances, it's mutual. Really can't resist kissing him, miss him just as much as DD when we part ways each morning, and never tire of spending time together, to the point where he has to push me out the door for "girl time" with my buddies. I get all mushy when I roll over and see him sleeping next to me.

Our daughter is 5; I can't imagine all of this changing and hope it doesn't.

Am I alone here?

Have more kids, and see if you still feel the same.

I have 3 all 2 years apart, now 3, 5, & 7. I've posted earlier that we are still in love. Kids did not change a thing, other than the fact that we can't have sex in the kitchen (well at least when the kids are awake).

New poster here. If you're as happy as you say you are, and as sad as you say you are for other people, maybe you should just keep all your smugness to yourself?

Also, your sex in the kitchen remark makes me a little suspicious. You just sound creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I just think *personally* that it is jinxy to boast about your wonderful marriage. I wonder if Mrs. Sanford, Mrs. McNair, or Mrs. Spitzer would say hers was a wonderful marriage too?

I've seen too many male colleagues wives' come to Christmas parties, making small talk with the women who work with their husbands about their lovely homes, darling husbands and children. They have no idea hubby is chasing skirts around the office, or having an affair with the new chick in sales. It's embarrassing for me to look that woman in the eyes. I would never want to be that woman, so I would never brag about my marriage. Just my $0.02 worth.

I agree with this. I have met far too many women at holiday parties, fundraisers, etc. where the wife thinks everything is okay. Little do they know the husband is off doing other things. There is a lot of this out there. The dad's with new babies through dad's with teenagers. I do not know what to say to these poor wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get so sad reading the threads about struggling marriages and mothers who are dealing with husbands who don't "get it."

When I think about it, most of my friends are in very comfortable, companion-like marriages with flashes of romance. A few are struggling or in a predictable and apparently acceptable cycle of friendship and mutual ignoring when they're pissed.

I'm still utterly smitten with my husband and by all appearances, it's mutual. Really can't resist kissing him, miss him just as much as DD when we part ways each morning, and never tire of spending time together, to the point where he has to push me out the door for "girl time" with my buddies. I get all mushy when I roll over and see him sleeping next to me.

Our daughter is 5; I can't imagine all of this changing and hope it doesn't.

Am I alone here?

Have more kids, and see if you still feel the same.

agree. it's one thing to have one child. when you have 2 or three or more, it's a whole new story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get so sad reading the threads about struggling marriages and mothers who are dealing with husbands who don't "get it."

When I think about it, most of my friends are in very comfortable, companion-like marriages with flashes of romance. A few are struggling or in a predictable and apparently acceptable cycle of friendship and mutual ignoring when they're pissed.

I'm still utterly smitten with my husband and by all appearances, it's mutual. Really can't resist kissing him, miss him just as much as DD when we part ways each morning, and never tire of spending time together, to the point where he has to push me out the door for "girl time" with my buddies. I get all mushy when I roll over and see him sleeping next to me.

Our daughter is 5; I can't imagine all of this changing and hope it doesn't.

Am I alone here?

Have more kids, and see if you still feel the same.

I have 3 all 2 years apart, now 3, 5, & 7. I've posted earlier that we are still in love. Kids did not change a thing, other than the fact that we can't have sex in the kitchen (well at least when the kids are awake).

New poster here. If you're as happy as you say you are, and as sad as you say you are for other people, maybe you should just keep all your smugness to yourself?

Also, your sex in the kitchen remark makes me a little suspicious. You just sound creepy.

You sound jeaolus (and prude and before you get too creeped out, I won't tell you all of the other non-traditional places we have banged one out). Just because some of us have a few kids does not mean that all of us lose our sex drive and desire to be intimate with our spouses. Why is it OK for a husband to want frequent and impromptu sex and somehow wrong for the woman to still after 11 years of marriage and a total of 16 years together still enjoy sex?

Where did I say I feel sorry for other people? But now that you mention it, I do feel sorry for the spouse in a sexless marriage, who still has a sex drive and desire for their "roomate" who would rather not bother. Some of you might not realize this, but for some people, but especially men, sex is very important. Everyone still wants to feel wanted and sexy, and often times for men a vaildation of that is through sex.

A healthy sex life is often a sign of a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not "still madly" in love with my DH. I am newly in love again with my DH. We have had some real struggles. Not financial, not health, not anything but our own issues and a real adjustment to having kids. We are equal partners in a lot of ways. We both work. Many of the struggles on ths board do not fit our lives, but we had plenty of them.

Just a few months ago, I decided I would have to divorce him. I found myself sobbing as I drove home several nights - not because I thought he was so great, but because I thought it was so incredibly sad that we failed, that the dreams we had together woudl all now be gone. I would be fine, the kids would be as fine as kids can be in that situation, but our lives would be forever altered. I was advised by many caring professionals and friends, and we had tried counseling several times. This was not something I was throwing away lightly.

I decided, before pulling the trigger, to take a few months to step back and to put the struggles of the past behind us. I even told him I wanted to just move forward and acknoledge that things had been rough but that we should move forward and not dwell. We should make the lives we wanted to have.

So far, it's working. I see anew what he does for us, fo rme and the kids. I see his patience when I am not, and try to extend the same to him. I think he has grown as a person. He has recently refocused on working out and being healthy, so he has a smoking hot bod. Not quite sure I am yet "madly" in love, but now I see sitting on the porch in a rocker with this guy in about 30 years.

I could have written this post! I just saw the thread yesterday about marriages that appear happy on the outside break up and the friends trying to figure out why. I woke up this morning feeling so in love with my husband, in a way I haven't felt in years. I was going to write it in in the other thread, but this seems like a better place.

We were in counseling for three years, starting when DD was 1. No one would have known it. I hated counseling. I got emotionally beat up every time we entered the room and I'd explode with resentment and anger. My husband would spend the hour telling me all the things I hadn't done all week. I work 60+ hours/wk and travel heavily for work at times. The nature of my work was evident when we got married, yet, post child, he used it as a stick to beat me with. Anyway, a few months ago, I was sure I was going to quit counseling and divorce him. I would drive home sobbing some days, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I just didn't want to put my daughter through a custody fights. She does love her daddy.

My husband came from one of those families that never showed conflict. They still don't, even when I think it is warranted to at least tell someone that their behavior hurt feelings. I take note from the earlier poster that said she is in a happy marriage, and they resolve conflict, and, this is important, one partner backs down when he/she realizes that the other has strong feelings. My husband and I rarely appreciated that key to success. He thought happy couples didn't fight, and I thought you had to fight to resolve conflict. Neither of us is right there, although I do think my husband still thinks his parents just miraculously always agreed.

Something has happened in my marriage since we quit counseling (and the therapist just about told us she was going to fire us because for three years we made no progress). Oddly enough, we are now forced to talk through issues, and not save up the "hard" stuff for the therapist's office. Just in the past three months, we have dealt with some tougher issues, including financial, head on, and not in a combative way. He actually brought me flowers for the first time in years the other day. I can't tell you why and it may end tomorrow, but I did wake up this morning crying, realizing that the man I chose to marry is back, and that our relationship may have hit bottom and be working its way back.

I never stopped loving him, but we both resented each other. I just hope to achieve what the OP has. I feel it coming back.

p.s. I never felt like OP was gloating, but I might have resented her thread a few months back. Maybe she was trying not to feeling like the odd duck among the miserable geese.

[Anonymous]

I would like this opportunity to quote from one of my all-time favorite movies, "Broadcast News."

William Hurt: "What do you do when your reality exceeds your dreams?"
Albert Brooks: "Keep it to yourself."

[Anonymous]

I didn't think OP was gloating, but I can certainly understand why it stirred up strong reactions. When you're struggling in your marriage and feeling sad and anxious and worried, it can be very upsetting to read about someone who still feels mushy when she rolls over and sees her husband sleeping next to her (which does seem a bit over-the-top, but hey, I'm not knocking it...OP is definitely lucky). Although I'm happily married, all I'm thinking about in the middle of the night is that I hope my DH's snoring doesn't wake the kids! So while OP has every right to post whatever she wants and I don't think she meant any harm, I also think she wasn't thinking much about how might make people feel. Not a crime, of course...just a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and I had no idea that it would be perceived as gloating or insensitive. I can't imagine posting "tips or insight" about marriage for other people because I have no idea what makes them tick, and I wouldn't presume to know what makes a totally different person's marriage work out or not.

We post about our healthy children when many women are struggling to care for their children with disabilities-- and that's not gloating.
We post with questions about good schools for our bright children bored in their local school when some people are having a tough time helping their kids get through that school. Not gloating.
We post to ask whether this $300 stroller or that one is better when there are people on this board who have been laid off and could default on their mortgages-- and that's not gloating.
We post with questions about how to be a SAHM when many people wish they could be-- and that's not gloating.

I posted because I wonder, after reading this board for a couple of years, whether we're all destined to fall out of love or can it last forever? And because I have often wondered whether most people with kids eventually gravitate away from marital romance and towards 100% parenting.

My post meant no harm and I apologize to anyone whose day was ruined, but some of your responses were frankly nasty.

OP, one more thought that might explain the tone of some of the responses you've been getting...

Your original post was in response to a thread you read about marriages falling apart, in which many people expressed their worries.
If someone started a thread about not being able to afford a good stroller, I doubt you would have posted something like, "Anybody able to afford a $300 stroller or is it just me"? Not to excuse any nastiness or direct attacks on you, but it might explain some of the prickly feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, one more thought that might explain the tone of some of the responses you've been getting...

Your original post was in response to a thread you read about marriages falling apart, in which many people expressed their worries.
If someone started a thread about not being able to afford a good stroller, I doubt you would have posted something like, "Anybody able to afford a $300 stroller or is it just me"? Not to excuse any nastiness or direct attacks on you, but it might explain some of the prickly feelings.

ding ding ding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, one more thought that might explain the tone of some of the responses you've been getting...

Your original post was in response to a thread you read about marriages falling apart, in which many people expressed their worries.
If someone started a thread about not being able to afford a good stroller, I doubt you would have posted something like, "Anybody able to afford a $300 stroller or is it just me"? Not to excuse any nastiness or direct attacks on you, but it might explain some of the prickly feelings.

And one other reason you hit a nerve is because you posted something akin to patting yourself on the back & taking credit for the hard work. I realize you may have said it wasn't due to luck because you put a lot of work in it, but it's similar to when someone says with a lot of hard work and grit, anyone can work hard and pull themselves out of financial trouble. Well, no, not always. Sometimes you put in the hours (even working more hours than someone else) and you still can't get ahead due to all kinds of factors that you can't control (disability, low wages, etc).

So it doesn't sit well with those of us who also put in the hard work in our marriages, who thought we also had the Midas touch when it came to mate selection, yet were dealt a bad hand in a spouse who turned out to be selfish or ended up having an affair or any of a thousand other traits that don't lend themselves to improving no matter how hard the wife or couple work at it. And yes, it's easier for happy wives to think we're unhappy because a) we picked poorly, b) we caused it because we weren't putting in the hard work or c) we must not have been providing a hot enough sex life... et al.

So, please just remember to be a smidge humble before crowing from the barn roof that your hard work and perseverance really paid off in your wonderful marriage, and try to accept that luck may have had more of a hand in it than you're comfortable admitting?

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP needs to feel humble or keep quiet about her happy marriage. She should be proud, and there's nothing wrong with saying it. There is a ton of negativity on these boards about marriage and men -- why can't people permit one single "I love my husband" thread to survive?