My boyfriend has a "Friend"

[Anonymous]

OK reading the rest of this thread, why not break up so he can pursue this woman he thinks is "hot."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:28 is an excellent post and 15:29 said what I was going to say --Red Flags !!!! 15:28, you have explained everything very very well---it's the slow addiction that creeps up. It happened to my husband, a very slow process that ended up with him addicted to a female coworker. It took many months to stop because he had to work with her every day.
The OP should think about trying to break it off and maybe date someone in her local area.

Addicted in that he needed to talk to her everyday? Or did he develop feedings and/or sexual interest?

And how'd he finally end it? Aren't they still working together?

[Anonymous]

*feelings* not feedings.

Obviously, I need more caffeine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's texting *other* people along with you and this friend, NBD. Otherwise, I can see how this friendship lowers both his (and this friend's!) chance at a real relationship.

When do you plan on moving closer (or vice-versa) to your boyfriend, or do you just like the status of being in a relationship without having to put in any of the day-to-day work?

I have to finish school and be self sufficient before making that move. If I do it now I would be completely dependent on him. Would all this back and forth with the co-worker end at that time, I don't know, maybe maybe not. After this discover I can't imagine moving there now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK reading the rest of this thread, why not break up so he can pursue this woman he thinks is "hot."

My words not his. What he basically described was that she has a very attractive face, tall, athletic build of a runner/dancer. To me that equates to "Hot"

[Anonymous]

Is it me or am I seeing an on going theme among a lot of the threads on DCUM. Everyone is having some sort of emotional affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it me or am I seeing an on going theme among a lot of the threads on DCUM. Everyone is having some sort of emotional affair.

Thought exactly the same thing. Although see the Secret Friends thread...apparently nobody would ever dream of having one. No, never!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*feelings* not feedings.

Obviously, I need more caffeine.

Or a cupcake. Or both.

[Anonymous]

OP here, so I had a little talk with him about his "Friend" that was probably one of the most useless conversations I have ever had. I told him about the text and that I had seen them. He was a little pissed but not to bad. He, of course, denies any romantic involvement with this woman at all. Turned it around on me and told me I was looking for trouble and have now found it so I should be happy. He says the classic thing "we are just friends" and feels that it should be left at that. Said the text at night before going to bed aren't a big deal. He made it a point of saying that of all the text show him one where it was inappropriate. Of course, non of them have been. Asked about why calling her while coming here and not me and reply was that he didn't want to disturb my son with calls and talking. That is BS he sleeps like the dead and he knows that.

I have now officially made my self look like a green eyed monster and I am sure he is at work now talking to her about the "Crazy, Jealous" girlfriend. I knew this would be his answer to everything but I had to say something. Probably cooked my goose now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, so I had a little talk with him about his "Friend" that was probably one of the most useless conversations I have ever had. I told him about the text and that I had seen them. He was a little pissed but not to bad. He, of course, denies any romantic involvement with this woman at all. Turned it around on me and told me I was looking for trouble and have now found it so I should be happy. He says the classic thing "we are just friends" and feels that it should be left at that. Said the text at night before going to bed aren't a big deal. He made it a point of saying that of all the text show him one where it was inappropriate. Of course, non of them have been. Asked about why calling her while coming here and not me and reply was that he didn't want to disturb my son with calls and talking. That is BS he sleeps like the dead and he knows that.

I have now officially made my self look like a green eyed monster and I am sure he is at work now talking to her about the "Crazy, Jealous" girlfriend. I knew this would be his answer to everything but I had to say something. Probably cooked my goose now.

So what happened. I have been busy and couldn't keep up with this. Does the OP have any updates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, so I had a little talk with him about his "Friend" that was probably one of the most useless conversations I have ever had. I told him about the text and that I had seen them. He was a little pissed but not to bad. He, of course, denies any romantic involvement with this woman at all. Turned it around on me and told me I was looking for trouble and have now found it so I should be happy. He says the classic thing "we are just friends" and feels that it should be left at that. Said the text at night before going to bed aren't a big deal. He made it a point of saying that of all the text show him one where it was inappropriate. Of course, non of them have been. Asked about why calling her while coming here and not me and reply was that he didn't want to disturb my son with calls and talking. That is BS he sleeps like the dead and he knows that.

I have now officially made my self look like a green eyed monster and I am sure he is at work now talking to her about the "Crazy, Jealous" girlfriend. I knew this would be his answer to everything but I had to say something. Probably cooked my goose now.

So what if you "cooked your goose"? Do you really want to be playing second fiddle to this "friend" forever? Especially since it's obvious he has no intentions of cooling it with her? Frankly, you're better off without him and with someone who acts appropriately with members of the opposite sex and doesn't let this "friend" monopolize his life morning, noon, and night. Doesn't sound like you're in love with him. Sounds like you're in love with what you want him to be, except he's not going to be that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, so I had a little talk with him about his "Friend" that was probably one of the most useless conversations I have ever had. I told him about the text and that I had seen them. He was a little pissed but not to bad. He, of course, denies any romantic involvement with this woman at all. Turned it around on me and told me I was looking for trouble and have now found it so I should be happy. He says the classic thing "we are just friends" and feels that it should be left at that. Said the text at night before going to bed aren't a big deal. He made it a point of saying that of all the text show him one where it was inappropriate. Of course, non of them have been. Asked about why calling her while coming here and not me and reply was that he didn't want to disturb my son with calls and talking. That is BS he sleeps like the dead and he knows that.

I have now officially made my self look like a green eyed monster and I am sure he is at work now talking to her about the "Crazy, Jealous" girlfriend. I knew this would be his answer to everything but I had to say something. Probably cooked my goose now.

So what if you "cooked your goose"? Do you really want to be playing second fiddle to this "friend" forever? Especially since it's obvious he has no intentions of cooling it with her? Frankly, you're better off without him and with someone who acts appropriately with members of the opposite sex and doesn't let this "friend" monopolize his life morning, noon, and night. Doesn't sound like you're in love with him. Sounds like you're in love with what you want him to be, except he's not going to be that.

OP Here...appreciate everyone's comments. As far as cooking my goose....haven't had a lot of contact with him lately cause I had to go out of town. We have talked about it a bit more but doesn't look like he any issues with the level of communications that he has with this woman. I guess I was hoping for more from him and between the two of us he has one perfect woman. Turns out she has been fully aware of me from day one but I am just finding out about her. I learned a new good word to describe this "Work Wife". Some think this is harmless some thing it is the devils spawn. Not sure what to do now. Could keep up this long distance thing knowing that a considerable amount of his time away from me is being spent with her. Or I could cut my losses and move on and they can have each other. I told him that if I stepped out of the way I believe he would immediately take up with her. His response was that no he wouldn't but what else is he going to say. "Yeah, absolutely"

[Anonymous]

I got to page three and decided to post a response. He sounds a little like a mama's boy type. One who really gets his self esteem from female attention and input. Even if he doesn't see her as a mom, etc., he may still be feeling good in a close friendship like this with an older, knowledgeable female. She is more accomplished, etc. The amount of advice he asks her for supports that. He's getting "good strokes" from all of the attention and advice from her. I think if she wanted to take it further, he would be at risk for doing that. However, more importantly, I'd be concerned about his self esteem, and why he needs female attention like this so badly, so much. If he has mother issues, that could be a problem long term. I'm married to a man similar to this, and he does have mother issues. Take it from me, after extensive counseling for both of us, I'm not sure we can make it work. It's so pervasive in everything he does.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pp above. To add to my post, part of the "good strokes" is also the attention from an attractive woman, even if they aren't doing anything.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you ask him why he wouldn't immediately take up with her if you stepped out of the picture? What is keeping them from being together? Did they ever discuss it?