My boyfriend has a "Friend"

[Anonymous]

They are at the very least mentally and emotionally connected. Might be FWB's as well.

You are, at the very least, violate the bounds of propriety by going through his phone. I would end a relationship on such a breech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a female: This seems very odd and I get the fact that it bugs you. Can't put your finger on it but it seems wrong. Sort of like "I can't define porn but I know it when I see it". Is he infatuated with this woman, is she leading him on in some way and doesn't realize it? That volume of text could be leading him on alone. How long have you been dating, how long has he known her?

We have know each other for about 6-7 month. Has know her for 6yrs, in past year has been in daily contact with. I can't tell you their day to day or if she is leading him on. I do believe he is infatuated with her. Maybe it is just a crush and it will end soon.

[Anonymous]

I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?

[Anonymous]

The level of intimacy is alarming, yes I agree.

Flip the roles here and ask yourself why you, as a successful, attractive single female would be texting a guy at work immediately after work through the evening and ending with "good night."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?

I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The level of intimacy is alarming, yes I agree.

Flip the roles here and ask yourself why you, as a successful, attractive single female would be texting a guy at work immediately after work through the evening and ending with "good night."

I think in this case this maybe all he is going to get from this woman so he takes what he can get. I would be concerned that should she decide she wants more your gone.

[Anonymous]

If they were friendly like this before you came into the picture, it's not so bad. But if the volume of calls and texts increased during your relationship, I'd be upset. I'd also be upset about them saying good night.

[Anonymous]

I have a relationship like this with my best guy friend. He is married and his wife doesn't know I exist. We just have a connection like no other. But relationship wise we just don't work. We talk and text constantly.

[Anonymous]

YOU, YOU GOT what I NEEEEeeed. But you say he's just a friend. You say he's just a friend. OH BABY YOUUU, you got what I NEEeed. But you say hes just a friend. You say he's just a friend.

- Bismarqee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they were friendly like this before you came into the picture, it's not so bad. But if the volume of calls and texts increased during your relationship, I'd be upset. I'd also be upset about them saying good night.

Yeah seriously, there is something really intimate about that and I don't know why. As far as pp saying you violated his privacy by reading his text, how did you get to them in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a relationship like this with my best guy friend. He is married and his wife doesn't know I exist. We just have a connection like no other. But relationship wise we just don't work. We talk and text constantly.

So you did have a relationship at one time? Why doesn't his wife know about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they were friendly like this before you came into the picture, it's not so bad. But if the volume of calls and texts increased during your relationship, I'd be upset. I'd also be upset about them saying good night.

Yeah seriously, there is something really intimate about that and I don't know why. As far as pp saying you violated his privacy by reading his text, how did you get to them in the first place?

He has no lock on his phone or it is a long delay. Text were coming in and the phone was right there and he was outside talking to someone for a long time. I know it was a violation but when I saw the text come in and her name I was at first just curious and picked it up and read it, then saw how long the thread went on and couldn't stop reading. When he came back in I told him I saw a text pop up from someone named xyz and asked who it was and that is when I was told all about the wonderfulness of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a relationship like this with my best guy friend. He is married and his wife doesn't know I exist. We just have a connection like no other. But relationship wise we just don't work. We talk and text constantly.

So you did have a relationship at one time? Why doesn't his wife know about you?

We never had an official relationship. Just sex and we had talked about giving a relationship a try but I don't feel like it would work. 9 years ago he got married. We are still the best of friends. He doesn't mention me to her so that she doesn't feel like I'm a threat. I'm not a threat I'm glad he is married to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?

I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.

Well, think about it this way. She's a lot older than him and also is his superior at work. My husband has a pretty strong relationship with a woman who used to be his boss, but she's 15 years older than him and he definitely sees her on the same level as his aunt. He likes her, they talk regularly about mutual interests, and she has definitely played a really important role in his life, but he doesn't see her romantically.

Do you have anything other than a lot of communications to indicate that your boyfriend sees this woman romantically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?

I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.

Well, think about it this way. She's a lot older than him and also is his superior at work. My husband has a pretty strong relationship with a woman who used to be his boss, but she's 15 years older than him and he definitely sees her on the same level as his aunt. He likes her, they talk regularly about mutual interests, and she has definitely played a really important role in his life, but he doesn't see her romantically.

Do you have anything other than a lot of communications to indicate that your boyfriend sees this woman romantically?

Well the only thing that does bother me is when I asked him what she looked like....first he hesitated then went on to say basically that she is super hot. This isn't a motherly, aunty, or sisterlyl type of relationship. I have seen a bad fuzzy picture of her, all I saw was a long slender leg and a lot of hair.