MIL hurt my dog and I want to disown her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like dogs, but not when they jump on me or the furniture I'm using, and I can see how someone would push a dog back down to the floor. If your dog is that fragile, you should put it in another room away from visitors. (And seriously, think about having it put down rather than let it suffer like this. I think people lose sight of what truly humane behavior is these days.)

And if you let the dog lick your baby, but then treat your husband's own mother as if she's dirtier than a dog, well, I can see why she's insulted.

+1 I would be skeeved if someone's dog jumped up on the furniture I was on. I wouldn't "push" the dog but I'd definitely nudge it. I think someone who lets their dog on the couch stepped over the threshold of "I have a dog I love" to "my dog is my best friend and we have matching sweaters!". I LOVE my dog btw, but he knows the couch is off limits.

Your house, your rules. My house, my rules.

If you don't like my rules, don't come to my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh first, you need to realize that this is your child's grandmother and your DH's mother. That is an important relationship for both of them to have regardless of how you feel about her. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her but it means that you need to leave them to have their own.

Honestly, as a dog lover, I would have probably pushed the dog off also. We don't allow our dogs on the furniture (and never understand why others do) so my instinct would have been to correct the dog while not even thinking about what I was doing.

I am also positive after having dogs with torn ACLs and hip dysplasia that your dog should be trained gently to not jump up onto any furniture. Do this now so that no further damage is done (which can be done simply getting on and off furniture) but also for post op when your dog should not be doing this at all.

If MIL is abusive and crazy (and she is!), then it is an important relationship for the grandchildren to avoid. We don't spend much time with my abusive, mentally ill MIL for exactly that reason. She wrecked my DH's childhood and young adulthood. He has nothing good to say about her as a parent. Why on earth would we allow her to have a major role in our children's lives?

All we know is she pushed a dog off the couch. If a dog can't take the two foot drop from the couch to the floor, the dog should not be on the couch. Forcefully pushing due to anger is wrong, and kind of violent, but a nudge is not and OP seems a little hysterical so I'm not sure which occurred. We do not know the MIL is crazy. I have a hunch that these two women always hated each other and this has nothing to do with the dog.

However, my MIL is a petulant brat with a probable undiagnosed personality disorder. At one point, she was sitting on the couch where we normally allow the dog to sit (when permitted by the vet) and our dog jumped up to sit with her. To be clear, it's the chaise part of our sectional sofa and the dog did not crowd the MIL but simply wanted to come up and cuddle. I got up as quickly as I could and very firmly stated "do not push her!", but MIL shoved her backwards off the couch, hard. My dog is now unable to put any weight on her back leg, so it obviously did damage.

She got up as quickly as she could and firmly stated "do not push her!", but MIL shoved her backwards off the couch. She said this as the MIL was in the middle of the action. OP could tell it was about to happen which is why she stood up. OP did not say this was discussed before hand, she told her while MIL was reacting to the dog.

[Anonymous]

So basically OP knew the MIL wouldn't want the dog up on the furniture with her (since she got up so quickly knowing MIL would do something) and did nothing to stop the dog from getting up in the couch.

Come on OP. Don't put your dog in the position. Obviously you love it but you need training in how to have a pet.

[Anonymous]

Wow... OP is one big ol' bag of crazy. I feel sorry for the child, who is being raised by a loon, and the dog who will live the rest of his short life in pain because of the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shove dogs like that all the time. She probably just forgot about its issues, it's an instinct to push the dog away. I could see myself doing this very easily . Not out of malice. I just don't like dogs and I don't want them near me.

OP said at that moment "Don't push the dog" and she did it anyway. She didn't forget. She decided that OP wasn't going to tell her what to do and pushed the dog. In order to prove a point to her DIL, she injured an animal.

This. MIL gets no sympathy from me. It was not going to hurt her to have a little dog on the same couch for a second.

That said, I think OP is too wound up about MIL in general. I mean, if she really lets the dog lick the baby but makes MIL wash her hands before touching the baby, then MIL has a point. MIL might really be a raging bitch, but it sounds like OP is spoiling for a fight. If DH wants to let it blow over, then that's what I do, rather than act while you're still really upset and pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with anyone who hurt my dog. Do not allow her in your home.

Same. Your MIL seems dangerous to have around. Plus, horrible.

I hope your dog is ok. You must be worried sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh first, you need to realize that this is your child's grandmother and your DH's mother. That is an important relationship for both of them to have regardless of how you feel about her. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her but it means that you need to leave them to have their own.

Honestly, as a dog lover, I would have probably pushed the dog off also. We don't allow our dogs on the furniture (and never understand why others do) so my instinct would have been to correct the dog while not even thinking about what I was doing.

I am also positive after having dogs with torn ACLs and hip dysplasia that your dog should be trained gently to not jump up onto any furniture. Do this now so that no further damage is done (which can be done simply getting on and off furniture) but also for post op when your dog should not be doing this at all.

+1 to all this.

OP, you are the one who sounds like you have an undiagnosed personality disorder.

So you're telling me that if your dog had health issues, and someone asked you not to PUSH the dog because she was hurt, you would still push the dog instinctively?

No, I don't think OP is the one with major personality issues here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I too wonder why you let a dog lick the child but you ask your MIL to wash her hands. I think you shouldn't have overreacted.

This is someone you have to deal with so long as you are married to your DH and now things will just be awkward. Things will be awkward not just for you and her, but for DH and anyone in the family who knows you don't get along. Hopefully you two can patch things and make up. Personally I would have brushed it off.

Kids who grow up with pets have healthier immune systems than those who don't.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is about SO much more than the incident with the dog.

You write, "It's her MO to make a big scene and leave at least a day early when she visits." And as she went ballistic she dragged in other things like accusing you of being OCD (because she clearly dislikes having to wash her hands etc.). There is clearly plenty of other history that just culminated in her pushing the dog.

It is a good sign that your husband thinks she was out of line and that DH was the one who got her out the door. In a case like that it's vital that the adult child stand up for the spouse. Does he also agree that it's a typical MO for her to end each visit early with drama? Does he see that pattern too? You mention that the visit-ending drama usually does not involve you, so does it usually mean that HE's the one she's attacking?

I would talk with him -- once you can discuss this with him somewhat coolly, I'd sit down and say that since all her visits seem to end this way, you and he need to discuss how you move forward in your family's relationship with her. And by your family that means him, as her son, you as her DIL and your child as her grandchild. If she's generally decent to be around up until that last day or so each time, maybe the visits are too long and trigger something in her....

I don't know if she lives far away or nearby (didn't read this entire, long thread) but maybe she needs to visit for shorter times and/or less often, or you and your family need to find a location that is halfway between her place and your place so you meet on neutral turf, stay in hotels and have definite activities on which you'll focus (that means less time to annoy each other) and definite departure dates. If she stays with you for days or weeks at a time, it's time to cut way back to limited weekend visits or whatever. If she's local, it's time to have your own family activities and be too busy to say yes to her coming over except a few limited times each month or whatever, which your DH initiates. And most of all -- once you and DH agree on what would work best, it is HIS job to say no to visits, or to say you'll meet halfway, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow that's a whole lot of crazy. You, not your MIL.

so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with anyone who hurt my dog. Do not allow her in your home.

This. I'd be wary of her ever caring for your child, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I too wonder why you let a dog lick the child but you ask your MIL to wash her hands. I think you shouldn't have overreacted.

This is someone you have to deal with so long as you are married to your DH and now things will just be awkward. Things will be awkward not just for you and her, but for DH and anyone in the family who knows you don't get along. Hopefully you two can patch things and make up. Personally I would have brushed it off.

Kids who grow up with pets have healthier immune systems than those who don't.

Np here. Yes but it doesn't mean that you have to allow the dog to lick the baby with the same tongue it just used to lick its anus. I have an indoor/outdoor cat and I don't allow him to cuddle up next to the baby just yet. Not that he wants to be anywhere near her lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh first, you need to realize that this is your child's grandmother and your DH's mother. That is an important relationship for both of them to have regardless of how you feel about her. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her but it means that you need to leave them to have their own.

Honestly, as a dog lover, I would have probably pushed the dog off also. We don't allow our dogs on the furniture (and never understand why others do) so my instinct would have been to correct the dog while not even thinking about what I was doing.

I am also positive after having dogs with torn ACLs and hip dysplasia that your dog should be trained gently to not jump up onto any furniture. Do this now so that no further damage is done (which can be done simply getting on and off furniture) but also for post op when your dog should not be doing this at all.

If MIL is abusive and crazy (and she is!), then it is an important relationship for the grandchildren to avoid. We don't spend much time with my abusive, mentally ill MIL for exactly that reason. She wrecked my DH's childhood and young adulthood. He has nothing good to say about her as a parent. Why on earth would we allow her to have a major role in our children's lives?

You're projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with anyone who hurt my dog. Do not allow her in your home.

This. I'd be wary of her ever caring for your child, too.

That was my reaction, too. MIL doesn't respect OP, to the point of taking deliberate action. I'm not saying she'd shove a the kid, but it's a strong signal that MIL thinks she knows best and isn't afraid to push an issue. Not cool.

And the situation is not at all like the one described where someone was pushing a dog off of them. The dog hopped up nearby. The dog didn't climb onto MIL. If my cat jumps ON you, in your personal space, feel free to nudge her and ask me to remove her. If my cat sits near you, feel free to ask "is the cat allowed on the sofa?" The answer is yes, but PLEASE tell me if you're allergic or uncomfortable and I'll remove her immediately.

[Anonymous]

I'm just baffled by all these people who refuse doggie cuddles on the couch. Really? I feel like that's one of the great joys of having a pet. Couch cuddles after a long day are the best, and I feel bad for all of you who deprive yourselves!