Reply to MIL hurt my dog and I want to disown her

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[quote=Anonymous] 
OP, this is about SO much more than the incident with the dog.

You write, "It's her MO to make a big scene and leave at least a day early when she visits." And as she went ballistic she dragged in other things like accusing you of being OCD (because she clearly dislikes having to wash her hands etc.). There is clearly plenty of other history that just culminated in her pushing the dog.

It is a good sign that your husband thinks she was out of line and that DH was the one who got her out the door. In a case like that it's vital that the adult child stand up for the spouse. Does he also agree that it's a typical MO for her to end each visit early with drama? Does he see that pattern too? You mention that the visit-ending drama usually does not involve you, so does it usually mean that HE's the one she's attacking?

I would talk with him -- once you can discuss this with him somewhat coolly, I'd sit down and say that since all her visits seem to end this way, you and he need to discuss how you move forward in your family's relationship with her. And by your family that means him, as her son, you as her DIL and your child as her grandchild. If she's generally decent to be around up until that last day or so each time, maybe the visits are too long and trigger something in her....

I don't know if she lives far away or nearby (didn't read this entire, long thread) but maybe she needs to visit for shorter times and/or less often, or you and your family need to find a location that is halfway between her place and your place so you meet on neutral turf, stay in hotels and have definite activities on which you'll focus (that means less time to annoy each other) and definite departure dates. If she stays with you for days or weeks at a time, it's time to cut way back to limited weekend visits or whatever. If she's local, it's time to have your own family activities and be too busy to say yes to her coming over except a few limited times each month or whatever, which your DH initiates. And most of all -- once you and DH agree on what would work best, it is HIS job to say no to visits, or to say you'll meet halfway, or whatever.[/quote]

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