Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma

[Anonymous]

Good luck. I can't imagine what a jerk your husband would be if he kept up this shit. As a teenager I would have given my parents hell and been resentful for months if they didn't go when my other family did. Kids aren't stupid, they will realize your husband has self esteem issues.

Some of the people posting sounds insecure and weird. Your BIL just sounds like a guy who was doing something nice. Accept it or not without blaming the guy for doing it. Especially since some other sister has been stuck doing it for two years. I guess Op's husband or OP weren't horribly offended or offering to take up the slack then but god forbid some rich dude wants to help out.

[Anonymous]

Thank God your husband is turning around OP! Good luck and I hope you enjoy a fabulous Christmas in Hawaii

[Anonymous]

Having lost my dad a couple of years ago, the fact that your parents are in their 80s really resonates with me. I did my dd's baptism at my home church in NY so my dad wouldn't have to travel to DC for it. We had a lovely party afterwards and most of his friends were able to be there for it. At the time I was stressing about the travel with a four month old and the trouble of arranging the event long distance.

Well dad died less then two months afterwards. I am beyond grateful that we had that party and that he saw his friends and had such a good time before he passed away. Things like this become more meaningful as people get older. I'm glad your husband is coming around and I think in the end everyone will be so happy to have gone for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I love the idea of hiring a great professional photographer to spend 1/2 day photographing the family. You can do couples, families, everyone together, just the cousins, or whatever you decide. That would turn BIL's gift into a lifelong gift for everyone. If it's possible, I'd have the photographer do both formal family portraits and take a couple of hundred candid shots while you are all doing something else together. Sometimes, the portraits get kind of dated over the years, so the candids show a little more personality and action.

[Anonymous]

+1 to professional photographer idea. We treated the whole family to a big vacation this summer because we can, and a family member did this. What a thoughtful and amazing gift that was! Those pictures will be treasured for long after anyone could possibly remember who paid for what. Also, when we do these trips everyone contributes what they can - some groceries, a dinner out, babysitting for a night. So worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is the trip? The kids might be off of school but the adults all have to make it work with their work, ILs and other social engagements. Seems that more details should have been hammered out at the get-together.

NP here. I agree with this, above. Also, if I read the OP right, this announcement got made just days ago--early December, for a Christmas trip. Way too short notice. This family has kids who are going to be in different school systems with different holiday schedules, maybe, and adults who do have jobs to get to. If someone offered us an all-expense-paid trip to anywhere, we couldn't necessarily take it on a few weeks' notice. And totally lost in the equation is any thought of these families having other relatives on the "other side" -- spouses' relatives who might be expecting to see them at some point over the holidays even if the main event is always at this sibling group's home(s).

OP, is "everyone" really going to make this trip? I would think that once everyone's back home and looking at calendars and remembering promises made to other relatives -- you're going to find there are others dropping out of this master plan too. Or folks will end up doing a huge dance about needing many different arrival and departure dates and times as they try to fit this trip in with their jobs, lives and other holiday plans. Is BIL going to be willing or able to book all that if everyone's coming and going at different times? You might all end up not seeing as much of each other, or Hawaii, as you expect.

I have no quibbles about BIL's offer itself--I'd see it as just a very nice gesture and kindly meant, no need to assign a lot of motives to it other than that. But I do think it must have been made on the spur of the moment because it seems impulsive to toss out the offer of an expensive vacation to a huge group without any advance notice. To me, this wasn't advance notice.

As for OP's husband, I haven't read every reply here, but his objection might actually be more to having his settled, expected Christmas plans upended than to the idea of "I won't go if he pays for it." That may be what husband is saying, but the reality may be different. OP, does your husband's family usually do something with you at Christmas? Any chance he's really more upset about changing or losing that than he is about who pays for this trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey everyone, its the OP. I have been working but couldn't wait to come to DC and see what everyone had to say and wow what a response! I managed to get through all of them and just a few fast facts that I feel are important to establish-

My "newish" BIL is actually a really nice man, great guy. We all love him yes even my husband, he is not a fly by nighter but runs an old established business started by his grandfather, he just happened to turn it into something much bigger that went public. He is VERY VERY wealthy. He is not a showy guy which sounds ironic given his grand gesture...it really was done in the nicest most giving way possible. He is literally like a roly poly teddy bear Not super roly poly but a little haha


We as a family were at odds about where to go and he wanted everyone to be happy. My other sister who has done it the last 2 years was complaining that its too much work for her now that she went back to work.

He was genuinely doing this out of the goodness of his heart and for those who thought he should have spoken to the adults first...hes a bit of a kid at heart and was as excited about telling the adults as he was the kids in the family.


To someone who thought my husbands refusal to go because maybe hes overweight, its the opposite, he is the most fit one out of all 19 of us he is obsessed with fitness and a little OCD as you probably gathered. He is a marathon runner so he has every reason to want to flaunt his hard work in a bathing suit! That same OCD and stubborn streak are what is making him so difficult.

He feels funny about accepting such a generous gift. My estimation is this trip will coat approx. 100,000 but honestly to my BIL its like 10,000 to us. Iam just trying to explain how things are.....

Spoke to my husband, gave him some of the ideas here, thank you very much! I spoke to my sister toady about paying for our airfare and she said they would be insulted if we wanted to do that, that this is a gift that they want to give the family as a specila memory of us all togehter. With my parents both around 80, there will not be many lengthy trips like this in their future.

My husband is thinking about the idea of us treating the clan to a luau and for hiring a photographer to take a family picture at the beach. We cannot afford a 100,00 vacation but we can afford to plunk down a few thousand for things like this.

Ironically it was my kids who really I think are winning him over to the idea...they are set on going. They are so excited plus they will be with their cousins, some of who they don't see often. Everyone is "in" so at this point I am crossing my fingers that my H will take it for what it is, a super generous gift that will provide a very special memory for our entire family mostly my parents.

So thats the latest. Hopefully next time I come here with an update its to tell you that I am going bathing suit shopping much as I hate it

This is awesome. Please say how it went after the vacation.