Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I have a big family, most years all of us get together for Christmas even though we are now all scattered. It gets harder when we all got married and have kids but somehow we normally make it work. My sister remarried two years ago to by all accounts an amazing man, on top of which he is extraordinarily wealthy.
As we have all been hemming and hawing over whose house we would go to this year (brother wanted to do it but lives in Atlanta) Sister up north and other sister about 3 hours away. Parents in MD. Two nights ago we had dinner as a family to celebrate my dads birthday and my new brother in law said he had an announcement. He then invited the entire clan (all 19 of us) on a paid trip to Hawaii for Christmas. Saying that this way everyone gets a break, there are no more dilemmas, etc....and that it could be a really fun trip. He said his company had a very good year and that this is their Christmas gift to our family. Of course the teens in the family off the bat were so excited (me too). Eventually everyone at dinner was getting excited at the prospect of this last minute but really awesome Christmas present. We take nice trips twice a year or so but I know not on the scale that he is used to traveling. HOWEVER my husband once we got home said he refused to go. He is a very proud man and said he will not go with is trip being paid for. He is the only one being a total stick in the mud and I am livid. Why cant he just go with the flow and be a good sport? So we have been arguing the last 3 days over, I can barely talk to him because I think hes being a jerk. Am I being unreasonable? Is he? If you were me what would you seriously? My kids are upset, meanwhile they are finalizing tickets, details for the trip as we speak.I have not yet told my sister that my H is being stubborn and refusing to go. I will be seeing her today at an event and not sure if I should say anything. I would never leave my husband over Christmas but I think us not going will create a family wedge and a lot of tension. Don't know what to do. |
Anonymous
| What is you accepted airfare as the gift but covered the rest on your own or the other way around? Maybe a contribution would makedh more comfortable. I understand his angst..but would like to find a way to make it work. |
Anonymous
|
Tell him he can stay home and then just do it. Gifts of experiences are better than gifts of stuff, anyway. This is a nice gift from someone who sounds like they could afford it.
Has he given any other reason than his pride? He can also pay for his own ticket if he wants to and wants to create bad blood between him and his brother-in-law. If after this trip, your sister or BIL rub it in or act all superior, then never accept anything from them again. But for this first time, take them at their word as a family gift with no strings. |
Anonymous
| Tell him to pay his own way and you accept the generous gift for yourself and kids. He can reimburse your BIL. He's being ridiculous. |
Anonymous
|
Can he be the "big man" too and plan/pay for a big outing for everyone?
I'm thinking that he plans a day and rents horses for everyone to ride and then a sunset dinner on the beach (fine, I watch to many Lifetime movies, but you get the gist!) Or rents jet skis for everyone, charters a fishing boat, whatever. |
Anonymous
| Is there something else going on? Will he miss too much work? Is he jealous of the shiny new BIL, was he the previous BMOF? |
Anonymous
| How about when you get back DH and you take them out for a really nice dinner as a Thank you. Or DH pays for a dinner fir everyone while you are there if it's in your budget. |
Anonymous
| sorry but your DH is being ridiculous. He should allow your brother to be generous. Ask him to think about if the situations were reversed - wouldn't he be upset if his BIL refused to go? just go! |
Anonymous
|
OP Here no he can take off of work with no issues. He is just being a jerk. His ego is being wounded but he is the only being difficult! My brother is a lawyer and does well too but hes cheap and therefore excited about getting to go on this trip, haha.
I don't know why my husband thinks by going it somehow diminishes his worth which is the only thing I can think of. He just says over and over he does not accept handouts from anyone. I suggested him offering and he said if he is going to pay he does not want to go to Hawaii. I am just in a pickle about what to do. My kids are already packing! |
Anonymous
| I would've uncomfortable also. It's too big a present. |
Anonymous
So your husband: 1. Won't go and let someone else pay 2. Won't pay himself to go So his only option is not to go. Is he ok with you all going? His choice is pretty clear |
Anonymous
+1 I would go but insist on paying. Especially for a new brother in law that was my sisters 2nd husband. Grandparents gift? Fine. But not someone that was my peer and making a show out of it. If he had subtly offered to pay for all the hotel rooms or something and it wasn't a grand announcement, maybe. I don't think your husband is crazy at all. |
Anonymous
|
Your husband is being ridiculous. It's Hawaii. If you all have never been been before, you will not want to miss this trip with the whole family. He should be gracious and just accept the generous gift. If you can afford it, suggest to your husband that you/he can arrange and pay for an outing for the whole family one day (e.g., kayaking, sunset cruise, helicopter tour).
If he still resists, you should definitely consider going with the kids and leaving him at home. Tell your family he has to be at work during the trip to save face. No need to ceate drama/bad blood in the family. |
Anonymous
+1 let him buy his own airfare. While there he can pick up the tab for a family meal with everyone there. That should even him out. I think he's being absolutely ridiculous. |
Anonymous
|
I would never leave my husband alone at Christmas and my kids wouldn't either even if I would. But i can tell you that if we don't go it will not be a very happy holiday....especially when we are freezing and thinking of our entire family frolicking on the beach in Hawaii!
I am going to sit down with him later and explain to him how I see it- that my BIL is kindly offering to take the family on a very special trip as a once in a lifetime chance. There is no reason to look more into it than that. That he is focusing on such ridiculousness in light of what is going on in our crazy world today. That he should enjoy the moment and take advantage of every day. Wish me luck 
|