Advice on school options for violent child
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Anonymous
What do these stories have to do with OP? She's already related that her DS kicked a staff member when he received news he didn't like. You think this news was physically communicated? He behaved violently when accidently bumped by another student. 
There's this one time, at band camp...... |
Anonymous
I think it has to do with context and identifying context. Some kids will be reactive in almost any environment. Others are reacting to specific triggers that once removed, clears up the issues. |
Anonymous
| meant context and triggers. |
Anonymous
The point is that poor/misguided/thoughtless choices that the adults make can affect the poor choices that the children make. Maybe the adult who told the kid that he would be missing the big event was too close to the child or too loud or otherwise gave the news in a way that was overwhelming to the child. Note that I'm not excusing the child's behavior, but you can't fix a problem unless you know what the problem is. |
Anonymous
| I think it is also significant that the behavior escalated so much the year he switched from the neighborhood school to the AAP school. The child is the same but the school environment is different. So what is going on at the AAP school that wasn't happening at the old school to trigger this kind of behavior? |
Anonymous
PP, I think you should calm down and take a deep breath. I think what everyone is trying to say is that we don't know what happened and people are trying to raise possibilities so that OP can ask the right questions when getting an FBA done or in considering what actions to take next regarding her son. I don't know why you are so set on branding this child... so negatively when you don't know him. Others are only trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. They are not saying you are wrong. They are asking you to be open-minded. I would not be so presumptuous to assume that the news was physically communicated or was not. I have no idea whether this adult told him this while grabbing his arm and ushering him out the door or told him in a calm and non-threatening manner. For some SN children, especially if they are worked up, the very fact that an adult gave them bad news while standing up and towering over them rather than getting down to their level could make them terrified and reactive. |
Anonymous
OP, I don't like that the school is suspending him when he clearly has something going on and has an IEP. I am very unimpressed with this school. I think you need an advocate because I think the school is building a case to get your ds out of there. 
I would not put a gifted kid in a self contained special ed program. I think that would cause other problems for him. I would go back to your home school first. I am so sorry you are going through this. My ds(10) is 2e too, and it is hard. As he has gotten older, the OT that he needed has helped a lot and he is at level with his peers with that, but the giftedness makes him stand out and he has been targeted by other kids because he is just thinking about other things. The disparity between him and a lot of the other kids has gotten greater as he has gotten older. We are trying to get him in to an independent private school where there will be very small classes that are challenging but are not crazy competitive because we know that will increase his anxiety. Good luck to you. It sounds like you have a good plan - psychiatrist appt for a med change + getting an advocate. That you don't see him behaving super aggressively at home and you are able to take him to work with you really make it sound to me like he is not bipolar but that it is a combination of the meds not being right and/or the school environment not being right. As you approach this, just keep in mind that the giftedness is a part of him too and don't sell that short. If his needs are not met in that regard it will manifest in more problems later. I would try to be sure that the gifted accommodations are put in to the IEP. In some places, that is possible, I don't know about your area. Your advocate will know. |
Anonymous
Wow. You certainly are reading a lot into a situation. The PP is not 'branding' (talk about loaded language) the child. She is correctly calling the behavior violent. Those who advocate correctly describing behavior are not disputing there are likely triggers to the violent behavior that need to be identified. However, the reaction to triggers must also be addressed. It's a two part effort. Although, in the anecdotes (one, not even first hand), it seems inappropriate teacher behavior triggered violent behavior, the child must learn appropriate responses. To me, it seems both posters implicitly justify the violent response. Yes, there may be a 'fight or flight' response in play but if inappropriate/violent responses are not uncommon for this child, chances are he needs help to be more in control of it rather than it controlling him. Some are so quick to point out triggers that they lose sight of helping the child be in control of his own reactions. Having a 'fight or flight' response doesn't feel good. My experience with this is not dissimilar to OP's. When my DS was in 3rd grade, he went through a period where he had significant behavioral issues. (I've posted about them before). Classrooms had to be cleared, administrators called, etc. One time, I was called because he said he wanted to kill himself. Prior to 3rd grade, DS had never had any kind of behavioral issues in school and his teachers were dumbfounded by the change in his behavior. Short story is that he had a very poor fit with his gen ed teacher. Things like a pop quiz would set him off. He'd hold it together in the gen ed classroom and let loose in the special ed class. He had an FBA done, a BIP put into place and the school worked with the gen ed teacher on techniques to reduce DS's anxiety. We all worked intensely with DS on appropriate strategies and responses. Things improved but the focus was always on my DS's behavior. We can try to reduce the triggers but he, and OP's DS, are going to encounter them throughout their lives. Understanding what causes the behavior is crucial but just as important is learning to control the response. Violent behavior is not acceptable and that should be a foundational premise. |
Anonymous
This is 8:06. Thank you for posting. I'm so happy to hear this ED center is a good placement for you. So often we only hear about the negative experiences and not the positive ones. Our favorite special ed teacher of all time is at an ED center. She likes it and the kids much better than the regular schools she's been in. If your DC is in hers, I can easily imagine how great it is. 
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Anonymous
Yes and no. Some gifted kids are not well served in AAP programs and do better emotionally in general ed. The kids in AAP can be competitive and the teachers can be intense. Not for everyone. You could have a kid in general ed where now and then the teacher pulls out some enrichment pages and then over the summer do an enrichment program. That could be the best fit for some kids. Yes, boredom can set off negative behaviors in some, but other kids do better having some time to contemplate their navels and play more outside and just relax in class. |
Anonymous
With all due respect, you are reading too much into it. I am the first poster with the 2nd grader. I agree with you that violent behavior cannot be excused but that context is important. My DS only exhibited "violent" behavior with this teacher never with anyone else. The teacher's attitude didn't help: She felt that my DS did not belong at the school, a mandarin immersion school, because of his ASD even though he excels academically but needs an IEP for social communication issues. I acknowledge DS can be difficult but he can do the academics and deserve to be there. She is no longer at the school and there is no more "violent" behavior exhibited by DS. None. |
Anonymous
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Oh please. No one is justifying or excusing aggressive or even violent behavior and I think you are a pretty horrible person to suggest that.
They are trying to draw a contrast between a child who actively hits, bites or otherwise attacks others for the fun of it and a child who is reacting because he might be scared. Of course he needs to learn how to react properly- as does a toddler!! - but for kids with these kinds of disabilities it may take longer for them to mature and until then it's important for the adults around them to give them some extra support. I really wish you would drop it PP. I think there's only one of you here. Let me add that I am a victim of a violent crime and I would never ever describe what OP's child did as violent. |
Anonymous
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FWIW, I work at a school with a Comprehensive Services Site (ED center) and a lot of 2e kids do really well with this placement. They have access to our full time psychologist and social worker just for the CSS, they get the small class sizes and extra support with behavior and managing emotions, and they also still get Level 3 AAP pull outs and access to AAP instruction in mainstream classes when appropriate. All of our CSS teachers are teamed with a grade level team so their instruction follows the same planning and pacing of mainstream homeroom teachers. A majority of our upper grade students mainstream for one or more subjects. And we have had students who were fully mainstreamed by 6th grade (buy who still had access to additional behavioral, social, and emotional supports as needed through the CSS).
I'm not saying this is the right placement for OP's child, but I just wanted to say that a CSS placement can be a great fit for many 2e kids who need lots of support and small class sizes but who also need AAP enrichment. OP, best of luck to you. I feel for you and your child and hope you can find the best combo of meds and most supportive placement for your child! |
Anonymous
But aren't the ED classes set up like K-3, 4-5 etc.? If a child can't be mainstreamed into the general ed class, then he is sitting through lessons for K kids, 1st grade kids, etc. That sounds incredibly tedious for a child with GOOD frustration tolerance, let alone a kid with emotional issues. Also, there aren't any ED centers that are also AAP centers, so when a gifted ED-center child is mainstreamed into the general ed class, the general ed class material is not going to be at the right level. How are they accessing "AAP instruction"? An occasional group pullout with the AART can not be equivalent to a full time gifted education. |
Anonymous
| The CSS site was a terrible placement for my gifted child. Especially after third grade when all his intellectual peers in general ed left for the AAP center. No matter what FCPS says, the classroom instruction reverts down when the brightest children leave. |