Reply to Advice on school options for violent child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do these stories have to do with OP?  She's already related that her DS kicked a staff member when he received news he didn't like.  You think this news was physically communicated?  He behaved violently when accidently bumped by another student.   :roll:

There's this one time, at band camp......[/quote]

PP, I think you should calm down and take a deep breath. I think what everyone is trying to say is that we don't know what happened and people are trying to raise possibilities so that OP can ask the right questions when getting an FBA done or in considering what actions to take next regarding her son. I don't know why you are so set on branding this child... so negatively when you don't know him. Others are only trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. They are not saying you are wrong. They are asking you to be open-minded.

I would not be so presumptuous to assume that the news was physically communicated or was not. I have no idea whether this adult told him this while grabbing his arm and ushering him out the door or told him in a calm and non-threatening manner. For some SN children, especially if they are worked up, the very fact that an adult gave them bad news while standing up and towering over them rather than getting down to their level could make them terrified and reactive. [/quote]

Wow.  You certainly are reading a lot into a situation.  The PP is not 'branding' (talk about loaded language) the child.  She is correctly calling the behavior violent.  Those who advocate correctly describing behavior are not disputing there are likely triggers to the violent behavior that need to be identified.  However, the reaction to triggers must also be addressed.  It's a two part effort.   Although, in the anecdotes (one, not even first hand), it seems inappropriate teacher behavior triggered violent behavior, the child must learn appropriate responses.  [b]To me, it seems both posters implicitly justify the violent response.  [/b]Yes, there may be a 'fight or flight' response in play but if inappropriate/violent responses are not uncommon for this child, chances are he needs help to be more in control of it rather than it controlling him.   Some are so quick to point out triggers that they lose sight of helping the child be in control of his own reactions.  Having a 'fight or flight' response doesn't feel good.

My experience with this is not dissimilar to OP's.  When my DS was in 3rd grade, he went through a period where he had significant behavioral issues.  (I've posted about them before).  Classrooms had to be cleared, administrators called, etc.  One time, I was called because he said he wanted to kill himself. Prior to 3rd grade, DS had never had any kind of behavioral issues in school and his teachers were dumbfounded by the change in his behavior.  Short story is that he had a very poor fit with his gen ed teacher.  Things like a pop quiz would set him off.  He'd hold it together in the gen ed classroom and let loose in the special ed class.  He had an FBA done, a BIP put into place and the school worked with the gen ed teacher on techniques to reduce DS's anxiety.  We all worked intensely with DS on appropriate strategies and responses.  Things improved but the focus was always on my DS's behavior.  We can try to reduce the triggers but he, and OP's DS, are going to encounter them throughout their lives.  Understanding what causes the behavior is crucial but just as important is learning to control the response.  Violent behavior is not acceptable and that should be a foundational premise.  [/quote]

With all due respect, you are reading too much into it.  I am the first poster with the 2nd grader.  I agree with you that violent behavior cannot be excused but that context is important.  My DS only exhibited "violent" behavior with this teacher never with anyone else.

The teacher's attitude didn't help:  She felt that my DS did not belong at the school, a mandarin immersion school, because of his ASD even though he excels academically but needs an IEP for social communication issues.  I acknowledge DS can be difficult but he can do the academics and deserve to be there.

She is no longer at the school and there is no more "violent" behavior exhibited by DS.  None.  [/quote]

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