married to someone with a perfect education pedigree who has never lived up to the potential

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the DH is in the govt making 110-150, which in addition to her salary affords them a perfectly nice middle class life. Yet now that the kids are getting older, college is looming, and she wants to consider private school - she's realizing it isn't all that easy and would be much easier if her DH would bring home 250k+ by himself like so many of his classmates.

In general I agree w DH - you got the damn degree that she helped pay for, now use it. Doesn't matter if it won't make happy to be in the rat race - he can deal for 10 yrs, sock away cash and then go back to his cushy job. And yes I'd say the same if the situation was reversed and it was the wife wasting away earnings potential; I know of a similar situation where the wife is an MD and just does not want to work - she barely wants to work part time and wants the DH to provide, which he does yet just given their career choices, he doesn't have the same earnings potential in engineering that she does in medicine.

Disagree. Having a good degree doesn't mean you should be forced into a soul crushing job. Sounds like OP thought she would have it easy after he got his degree and is disappointed that her Meal ticket doesn't make more money.

[Anonymous]

I'm another guy with a pricey engineering degree from a great school and am making about $60k doing interesting work.
My wife resents the hell out of it and it will probably land us in divorce court.

[Anonymous]

I have not read all the previous comments, but my first thought is that anyone who marries someone and considers his experience his “pedigree” is probably not going to be happy regardless of HHI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the previous comments, but my first thought is that anyone who marries someone and considers his experience his “pedigree” is probably not going to be happy regardless of HHI.

+1

The pedigree thing is pretty off-putting.

I wonder what their timeline is as a couple? Was he in grad school when you met? Were you already married when he started considering grad schools?

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. My DH is brilliant but has no motivation. He left a decent paying job to pursue a lower paying one that has much higher growth potential, but he's never pursued the growth. He works 60+ hours a week and makes about the same as our daycare costs. I earn most of the family money but my career advancement is limited because I have to be flexible to always be the one tending to sick days, appointments, and daycare pick-ups/drop-offs for the kids. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The grass is always greener. DCUM double-standards are apparent:

Wife: "He has no ambition and did not live up to his potential or the expectations I had for him"

Posters: "Totally empathize, I absolutely despise beta losers who make less than $425k/year and can't give their spouse the option to be a SAHM with housekeepers and a RR in the driveway".

In comparison:

Husband: "She has no ambition and did not live up to her potential or the expectations I had for her"

Posters: "She does not work to serve you, you self-centered chauvinistic loser. She has every right to work a job that makes her happy and gives her a good work-life balance".

You obviously are not new here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the DH is in the govt making 110-150, which in addition to her salary affords them a perfectly nice middle class life. Yet now that the kids are getting older, college is looming, and she wants to consider private school - she's realizing it isn't all that easy and would be much easier if her DH would bring home 250k+ by himself like so many of his classmates.

In general I agree w DH - you got the damn degree that she helped pay for, now use it. Doesn't matter if it won't make happy to be in the rat race - he can deal for 10 yrs, sock away cash and then go back to his cushy job. And yes I'd say the same if the situation was reversed and it was the wife wasting away earnings potential; I know of a similar situation where the wife is an MD and just does not want to work - she barely wants to work part time and wants the DH to provide, which he does yet just given their career choices, he doesn't have the same earnings potential in engineering that she does in medicine.

Disagree. Having a good degree doesn't mean you should be forced into a soul crushing job. Sounds like OP thought she would have it easy after he got his degree and is disappointed that her Meal ticket doesn't make more money.

I don't even get this. Why did you even pursue a good degree if not for the opportunity to make money? I pursued professional degrees from top schools because they would allow me to make money and that money gives me options whether items going out to eat or investing the money and retiring earlier. Are there all these people out there going to professional schools bc of a quest for knowledge and helping people with no real desire to monetize that degree?? That certainly wasn't me and sounds like it isn't OP either.

[Anonymous]

This is funny stuff...

[Anonymous]

Is your husband happy with where he is in his job and his life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop griping. My husband graduated near the top of the top school for his profession. He works at one of the places that pays a bunch of money. He works around the clock and is totally miserable and in a bad mood all the time. Is that what you want? I'd love for him to be in government and be satisfied with his work.

Thanks for posting this. I'm in these circles and there are a lot of extremely unhappy "winners".

[Anonymous]

OP should move to an area with a good public school system, where normal, everyday people happily send their children to the strong public schools, happily drive around in nice, but not flashy cars, and very nicely live in good, but not ridiculously large houses.

Once you are living in a well-adjusted setting, where people are happily living the lives they have -- as opposed to this stressed out, overly competitive, never satisfied cohort -- you will have a better perspective on things.

And by the way, this life can be found in lovely Midwestern towns, and mid-size southern cities, but also in large, urban settings like Los Angeles. In L.A. many professionals live in cozy houses, with outdoor living spaces, but they are sure happy and enjoying it!

[Anonymous]

My DH has one of these aforementioned degrees. I would be honestly thrilled if he had a government job. Personally I could care less about income, status, etc. My DH has so many career demands it's hard to find time for our family life. My advice is realize his career may be a blessing in disguise. Also ask yourself why you care about income- is it because you thought his degree would be your ticket to a charmed life?

[Anonymous]

OP, the first thing to remember is that you can only control your behavior not others, including your spouse and children.

My husband has and engineering degree from the top two universities in his field. He works for a nonprofit in a job he loves. I wasted way too many years being frustrated with him. I decided I was the one who wanted the extra money so it was my responsibility to earn it. I now make about $500k a year including bonus and options and we have the lifestyle I want (my husband still doesn't care).

Contr your own behavior because it is the only thing you can control!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the first thing to remember is that you can only control your behavior not others, including your spouse and children.

My husband has and engineering degree from the top two universities in his field. He works for a nonprofit in a job he loves. I wasted way too many years being frustrated with him. I decided I was the one who wanted the extra money so it was my responsibility to earn it. I now make about $500k a year including bonus and options and we have the lifestyle I want (my husband still doesn't care).

Contr your own behavior because it is the only thing you can control!

Ok serious question, what is your profession because that is a huge paycheck.

[Anonymous]

None is entitled to an expensive education and if you take on that kind of debt, you have a responsibility to pay it off. I gave up other schools to keep my law school debt low, sounds like OP's husband didn't. Sort of like he "deserved" a Ferrari but now they both have to pay it off. I'd be upset too. There are plenty of good state schools out there or you drop the ranking of the schools you're looking at because they give you more money.