Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it takes a lot of time to lose weight.

I was 5'7 and 130 lbs prior to 1st baby. I got up to 185 at the birth and I exercised almost every day until 37 weeks pregnant.

Weight only went back to 152 after the kid after 2 years. Then I got pregnant again, and got up to 200 lbs at birth.

I'm back down to 165, but that is 30 over my pre-prego weight with first kid. I am 1 year pp with second kid.

I don't have time to work out. I am trying to do it during lunch. I am hoping I can eventually lose it all, but I realize this may actually take years. My aunt said it took her a good 3-4 years to lose all the weight.

If she has a baby pooch, she also could have diastistis recti. Google it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I'm in a similar situation. For my frame I look really thin at 140. I was around that weight when I got married. I ended up putting on weight before I got pregnant, and actually weighed less when I delivered my daughter than when I got pregnant. I stayed slim (for me) while breastfeeding but the weight started to creep up as my DD weened.
My DD is now six and I've carried this extra weight since. I hate it. My husband has never once complained and treats me like I'm beautiful even though I feel disgusting.
My husband also gained some weight after we had our DD. Within the past 6 months he started to make diet and exercise choices to get healthy and it's motivated me to start as well. He asks me buy healthy food and cook healthy meals. The fact that I know he will be disappointed if I grab take out for dinner, or a pizza, etc... is always in the back of my mind now and I am motivated to make better choices. I guess you could say he is leading by example and he's become a little "angel on my shoulder" when I'm making choices for our family's meals.

This PP here, and I agree with mentioning the finances is regards to the soft-serve and take out. We've also been trying to get on track with our budget and while I'd love to sneak a treat every day but I know it would mess up our finances. So I don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I hear you.

Not my wife, but my sister who lives with us is enormous. She eats so much food, it is shocking. Some people are just on a war path

[Anonymous]

I don't know what the right answers are, but I think there should be a distinction between people's experience during pregnancy and after pregnancy.

Gaining weight during pregnancy is normal. Not losing weight quickly after pregnancy is also normal. But continuing to gain weight after the pregnancy seems like a different sort of problem.

[Anonymous]

I gained a lot of weight while breastfeeding. I was RAVENOUS all the time, even moreso than during pregnancy. Like, seriously, 10 times moreso. I also struggled with milk supply, and my milk really took a hit if I wasn't eating and drinking well.

So, I'd say that if your wife was inclined to a decent diet and exercised regularly before the baby and breastfeeding, you really can take heart that things may adjust back in the right direction once she is done nursing.

But metabolisms do change. And she's got a lot of stress, and sometimes ice cream really feels good in a crazy world of overwork, missing your baby, and adjusting to all of the changes of motherhood.

What I worry about is that she's with a guy who is ALREADY questioning his commitment to the marriage just 5 months after they had a baby. Seriously, he's actually questioning whether he will be attracted to her for the long run. FIVE MONTHS AFTER SHE HAD A BABY.

Dude, you need to get your priorities straight. Is she your wife no matter what, or not? Did you promise to love and honor her in sickness and in health...or did you have a clause that excused you from your commitment due to fat? Seriously. Some guys actually think that fat is a reason to end a marriage. Do you? Because it sounds like you do.

[Anonymous]

I gained weight after every pregnancy. I didn't lose until I stopped nursing. Five months is too soon for this pressure.

I had a lot of body image issues after my first. It wasn't even about weight. Everything was different and it was upsetting. If you tell your wife she's getting too fat and you're not attracted to her, it will crush her. Tread very lightly. Handling this poorly could cost you a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

Eeeeer , she's obese not fat. Sorry op but get used to the lights out and fantasizing. That's all I've got for ya

[Anonymous]

I'll share this and maybe it will give you some perspective.

I have found that when I have a major life change, a lot of my energy goes into it. Including the energy I have to eat properly and get exercise. For example, when I moved for the first time in 10 years, I gained back most of what I had lost in the months prior because, for me, I just didn't have the emotional energy to eat right. I needed comfort and for me, comfort is food.

In another instance, I was under extreme stress at work and it took every ounce of energy I had to get through the day and make dinner. I spent hours after they were in bed just watching TV. (I was a single parent at the time)

Perhaps your wife is similar. Being pregnant and having a baby is a massive upheaval. Maybe she would benefit from some counseling. But maybe she just needs time to find her equilibrium and energy to go back to eating well.

And, if that's the case, you'll just have to wait and be patient. Continue to be the good partner that you are being and recognize that your marriage is not a sprint, it's a marathon. As we can all imagine, there are parts of the marathon that are unpleasant and not perfect. This is one of those times.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You have mentioned a lot of positives in your life.

You're actually having sex at 5 months PP. I've known tons of people (myself included) for whom this was not the case at all.

You have an easy baby who sleeps. This is priceless and rare!

You are taking on lots of childcare and household duties - again, I've known so many couples where this was not the case.

A couple of things that I don't think have been said yet. Although you think you are doing most of the household work, would your wife agree? I suggest opening a discussion on this issue. It's common for both the DH and the DW to think they're doing most of the work. The truth is that bringing a baby into a family exponentially increases the amount of work that needs to be done and decreases the time available to do it. It's possible that your wife has more on her plate than you realize.

You have posted so much information here that if your DW reads this site, she could probably identify you and herself. I suggest that you ask to have posts with your activities, her stats, etc deleted.

5 mo PP is still really early, and whether she is nursing or not her hormones are still all over the place, and that can affect appetite and weight.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't read the entire thread, but if she was already a bit chunky to start with, it's going to take her longer to loose the weight.

Also, did you know that breastfeeding makes you hungrier than being pregnant? A breastfeeding woman needs more calories than a pregnant woman. Not saying it's ok for her to eat ice cream everyday, but just so you are aware. She's probably hungry and stressed if she has gone back to work.

It can take up to 2 to 3 years for some women to lose most of the weight. I was very skinny before I hit 30. I could eat like a linebacker and not gain much weight. After I had kids in my mid/late 30's, it took me a good 3 years to lose most of the weight. Still have the last 5 to 10lbs that's a lot harder to get off now that I'm in my 40's.

[Anonymous]

Read only two pages. I'm permanently up 17piunds post two children . however I'm 5'4 and was 115 prior and I look perfectly good nowm

But I believe my resting normal body weight is different now .

Anyway I do work out a lot and eat healthy.

Only read first two pgs. I recall when nursing you are supposed to consume more calories than when pregnant. And when nursing your bodynis famished all the tie!!!

Also many friends dhs would prepare lunch for their dws and put together healthy options. Ie a vanilla Greek yogurt (0% fat) with berries parfait or delicious steamed veggies and. Protein . the wives were literally served healthy options. I remember being too tired to put together The best meals. Having it done.would have helped .

I say.mke changes now but talk to her later abt it. Like after the 12-13 month mark.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Hey her thyroid checked.

[Anonymous]

Get her thyroid check ed. Normal levels are at 2 ish.
But i say wait til she's done nursing and baby is 1.5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her thyroid check ed. Normal levels are at 2 ish.
But i say wait til she's done nursing and baby is 1.5.

Was going to post this exact thing. I lost all my weight within about 3-4 months PP. about 6-8 months later the weight came back with a vengeance despite having a fit weekly routine/active lifestyle and normal eating. I was quickly diagnosed with Hashimotos/Hypothyroid but still gained weight for an entire year while the proper medication dosage was obtained. It was a hard struggle, even today I have to work out twice as hard abs eat twice as better than the average woman. I was only 28 when diagnosed so hadn't even hit the 30s metabolism you hear about. I am now newly pregnant, watching TSH very closely. Have actually lost 9 lbs in 1st trimester despite healthy diet.

[Anonymous]

OP I am not even going to read all the postings cause no doubt people are piling on to you But I think you made an important disticintion. It sounds like your wife isnt' even trying. It took me a full year to lose the 40lbs I gained but I was out taking long walks with baby the first week home in Jan! My DH has never said one negative thing to me and always acted attracted to me. If your wife doesnt seem bothered by the weight that may be a red flag that she has accepted the "new normal' and I have found that people who were overwegith before pregancy tend to be a lot more ok with that post pregnancy. You should start cooking all meals or get a meal delivery service. Offer to watch the kid so she can get some alone time. Hell, that was my number reason to start running again-30 min of ME time. I even had a jog stroller but for never used it cause I loved being alone. Also, is she still in pain from birth? I had to see a physical therapist to help with my tail bone and kegels and it was a solid 8 months before I wasn't peeing a little bit when I ran. YOu sound like a decent guy and you want to do right by your wife. You are also a man and visuals matter. Work out with her. Or splurge and have a trainer come to the house. Stroller striders is another option. But honestly, the eating makes the biggest difference. Good luck to you both. New babies are so life changing, you BOTH have to find the new normal.