Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure there is really anything to do - this is mostly just venting.

We are 5 months post-partum and while DW was actually dropping weight for a while (breast feeding was helping) but she's still close to her birth weight and has started gaining again. The maternity pants came back out. The ice cream diet hasn't slowed down at all. I love her, and we're actually having sex again, and I still think she's got a beautiful face, but the fat is starting to be a problem. She was never a skinny person and I'm OK with that, but instead of leveraging the breast feeding weight loss advantage, she's just chowing down. The pregnancy was complicated so we didn't have sex then (bummed me out because I have a little pregnancy fetish), and now I'm not sure we will get back in the groove because I'm just not really attracted. She's nearly a foot shorter than I am but has like 20 lb advantage on me. I love her and our family, but I just don't think I can gin up a fat fetish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure there is really anything to do - this is mostly just venting.

We are 5 months post-partum and while DW was actually dropping weight for a while (breast feeding was helping) but she's still close to her birth weight and has started gaining again. The maternity pants came back out. The ice cream diet hasn't slowed down at all. I love her, and we're actually having sex again, and I still think she's got a beautiful face, but the fat is starting to be a problem. She was never a skinny person and I'm OK with that, but instead of leveraging the breast feeding weight loss advantage, she's just chowing down. The pregnancy was complicated so we didn't have sex then (bummed me out because I have a little pregnancy fetish), and now I'm not sure we will get back in the groove because I'm just not really attracted. She's nearly a foot shorter than I am but has like 20 lb advantage on me. I love her and our family, but I just don't think I can gin up a fat fetish.

You are a ridiculous, terrible person. Your wife had a child, OP. YOUR CHILD. As a man and a husband, I would be less concerned about your wife's weight and more concerned about the fact that you obviously do not give a crap about your wife nor respect her as a human being let alone spouse. I hope this is a fake post because it's just sad. Sad all around.

[Anonymous]

You don't get to judge your wife's weight for the first year after birth. You just don't. So man up, love her for who she is and the fact that she birthed your child, and wait it out.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are going to get absolutely slaughtered here, so brace yourself.

A couple of questions:

Is your wife in any way experiencing PP depression?

I'm assuming this is your first child. How is life with the baby and the adjustment going, in general? Is your wife back to work or staying home?

In all honesty, I agree with you. She does need to start dropping the weight, but I'm trying to understand if there are other, more pressing factors getting in the way.

[Anonymous]

We are 5 months post-partum...

No. WE aren't.

5 months... REALLY?

[Anonymous]

Other things to consider:
1. Do you regularly watch the child in the evening so that she can go for a walk? to the gym?

2. If you do watch the child so that she can go to the gym, is the gym the only place she is ever allowed to go without the child? (That was my case at one point: Hubby would watch the baby so I could go to the gym, but it never occurred to him that I might at some point want to have a cup of coffee, go to a movie without the baby, etc. Going to the gym started to feel a bit like being let out on parole.)

3. How much time do you watch the baby on the weekend so that she can go for a nice walk and enjoy the fall weather, etc?

4. It's really hard to lose weight when your body isn't getting enough sleep. Are you waking up with the baby at least half the time?

5. You mentioned ice cream. It sounds like maybe she's too tired and beat at the end of the day to make herself a healthy treat. Do you ever buy the groceries? Do you ever prepare food? Why don't you help by buying nice fresh fruit and slicing it up so it's available in the refrigerator for all of you to eat? Go on pinterest and read about how to make packages of frozen fruit so all you need to do is throw it in the blender to make a smoothie.

6. Offer to help more -- with laundry, cleaning, etc. I ate a lot when I was angry and resentful because I got no help with the new baby. If your wife is eating her feelings, you need to stop and consider what those feelings might be.

[Anonymous]

I'm going through this right now, but as the wife had twins this winter. I've always been thin. Gained soooo much weight during pregnancy. I've never felt that kind of hunger before and I lost all control. That wasn't even my first pregnancy. Always bounced right back to normal weight with previous pregnancies. This time I didn't. Lost some weight bfing but gained it back.

I don't know what to tell you. If DH said anything about my weight, I'd be crushed. I think I'd emotionally eat to deal with it while he's at work. However, it's a real problem, and if I don't get a handle on it soon, it's only going to be harder to solve.

Maybe you could suggest some healthy activities to do together. Like a family walk after dinner or something.

[Anonymous]

This happened to a close male friend of mine. He married a cute little thing and she became a chunky monkey after the baby. The weight stuck years later.
Unless there are other factors like depression or anxiety after the birth of the baby, we ladies shouldn't pack on the pounds. I would give her a few months, however. Breastfeeding and post-breastfeeding hormones can be intense and also mess up the appetite.

Don't stress about the crazy defensive posters. You're being honest on an anonymous board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are 5 months post-partum...

No. WE aren't.

5 months... REALLY?

OP appreciate the fact that you are being honest. The last thing you should be doing to this beautiful woman is bring her self esteem down. Women's bodies take a hit during pregnancy and it takes at least 1-2 years to start getting back to normal. In many ways she has sacrificed herself so you both can enjoy a child & build a family. Love her for who she is , unconditionally and it will motivate her to be her best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are going to get absolutely slaughtered here, so brace yourself.

Oh, I knew this was going to happen. I am just venting...I don't really care.

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife in any way experiencing PP depression?

No, not a bit. And she bounced back pretty quickly really. A few tears and times when she missed him after she went back to work, but she's actually doing really well.

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming this is your first child. How is life with the baby and the adjustment going, in general? Is your wife back to work or staying home?

We both took leave (she for 2 months, me for one), and I do more of the daily child-related stuff, and most of the household chores (laundry, shopping, cooking). The baby is easy, sleeps through the night (for since the 2 month mark) and we're actually adjusting shockingly well. Most people I know with small children are envious and snarky about it.

Anonymous wrote:In all honesty, I agree with you. She does need to start dropping the weight, but I'm trying to understand if there are other, more pressing factors getting in the way.

Time is the big issue - between job and commute, she just doesn't have time for the gym. I don't think the gym is the main issue though. I've shifted the cooking and meals, but the lunchtime fast food and ice cream for between meals snacks is packing it on.

For those who say "you're not allowed to judge" - it's not "judging" (I don't say a word to her about what she's eating or her weight), it's just that I can't help but seeing that she is getting bigger, and it's not baby. And when you say "for a year" - you realize, the longer it's on, the harder it will be to get off - and it will probably never come off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other things to consider:
1. Do you regularly watch the child in the evening so that she can go for a walk? to the gym?

2. If you do watch the child so that she can go to the gym, is the gym the only place she is ever allowed to go without the child? (That was my case at one point: Hubby would watch the baby so I could go to the gym, but it never occurred to him that I might at some point want to have a cup of coffee, go to a movie without the baby, etc. Going to the gym started to feel a bit like being let out on parole.)

3. How much time do you watch the baby on the weekend so that she can go for a nice walk and enjoy the fall weather, etc?

4. It's really hard to lose weight when your body isn't getting enough sleep. Are you waking up with the baby at least half the time?

5. You mentioned ice cream. It sounds like maybe she's too tired and beat at the end of the day to make herself a healthy treat. Do you ever buy the groceries? Do you ever prepare food? Why don't you help by buying nice fresh fruit and slicing it up so it's available in the refrigerator for all of you to eat? Go on pinterest and read about how to make packages of frozen fruit so all you need to do is throw it in the blender to make a smoothie.

6. Offer to help more -- with laundry, cleaning, etc. I ate a lot when I was angry and resentful because I got no help with the new baby. If your wife is eating her feelings, you need to stop and consider what those feelings might be.

Great suggestions here. OP take note

[Anonymous]

Make sure that your wife is getting SLEEP and time to WORK OUT.

If she is getting neither she is likely eating for energy because her body fat percentage has gone up and has made her insulin resistant. Help her to nip this in the bud NOW by being supportive.

Dude, you may have a new baby. But your body has not just given birth.

[Anonymous]

What is her height and weight? before and after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through this right now, but as the wife had twins this winter. I've always been thin. Gained soooo much weight during pregnancy. I've never felt that kind of hunger before and I lost all control. That wasn't even my first pregnancy. Always bounced right back to normal weight with previous pregnancies. This time I didn't. Lost some weight bfing but gained it back.

]

Yes, this is what I was hoping, because it just seemed like the BFing would kind of make it painless to lose.

I don't know what to tell you. If DH said anything about my weight, I'd be crushed. I think I'd emotionally eat to deal with it while he's at work. However, it's a real problem, and if I don't get a handle on it soon, it's only going to be harder to solve.

Right, and I am NOT SAYING A WORD!! I'm actually being encouraging, affectionate and initiating sexytime to give her a confidence boost. I really do love her and know she went through hell. But this is what I'm afraid of.

Maybe you could suggest some healthy activities to do together. Like a family walk after dinner or something.

We used to do a lot of hiking, and I think this fall - now that it's a little cooler - I'm going to push that much much harder - I can put him in the bjorn or get a carrier.

For everyone who wants to blame me: we both get nearly 8 hours of sleep a night; I do all the cooking, all the laundry and 90% of the shopping, and I am the one who ferries the kid around all over the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185