Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are getting slaughtered as expected and probably rightfully so. That said, just because it isnt it off now doesn't mean it never will come off. I am two years past the birth of my second child – older one is now almost 4 1/2 – and I've taken on a serious workout regimen over the last six months and look better than I ever have now that I'm done having kids. It could happen.

5 months is pretty early to expect much though. That said, I don't pretend my husband didn't notice the weight I gained and didn't take off.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I was thin but muscular (mesomorph) and ballooned out during pregnancy, and hadn't lost it before getting pg with my second, so was HUGE by the time I had my second. I lost it all. So I may have something to contribute here...

People lose weight when they sleep. She needs to get some sleep. It's not just what she's eating, or if she's not exercising, it's the sleep too. She should absolutely NOT do what I did and that is do errands/empty dishwasher/clean house when the baby naps. Nap when the baby naps. Even if she is "not a napper." And don't stay up late "to be an adult"--remember this is a phase and during this phase, sometimes it's good to go to bed at (e.g. 7pm) when the baby goes.

Regarding the eating and exercising, little things can help…subbing out any protein or vegetable or full-fat dairy for bread/grain/pasta helps both metabolically and to help someone feel satiated. (meaning if you insist on obsessing about something she's putting in her mouth, obsess over the bread, not the ice cream)

No need to start jogging--go for a walk with her. Walk to the ice cream store if that's what it takes.

Remember OP, it's just a PHASE. I remember this like yesterday, my lawyer DH not wanting to go to bed early because "I don't want to be like an old person and have no life…" OMG. So short sighted. A few months in, he ended up sleeping downstairs before any court appearance (because he almost blew some case because he could not put a cohesive thought together due to lack of sleep).

Now as a tangent (not talking about you, just generally), and mindful that it's just a phase, I often muse how many men want variety in women, but with their actual woman, they don't like variety. Just think, OP, you're going to get many different women in your wife: you'll get the young one, the old one, the middle aged one, the fat one, the nursing one, and who knows? the long haired one, the short haired one, the curly-haired one, the suntanned one, etc. Relax and enjoy it. Congratulations on your new baby and btw I do agree to lay off during the first year, and also I'm laying off on you because it IS such a transition for everybody involved. It's really a case of someone smacking a person on the side of the head and saying "now is not next year." Chillax.

[Anonymous]

So she wasn't thin pre-prepregnancy and she is more overweight now? Some body types struggle a lot more with weight loss/weight maintenance then others. Especially if she is basically sedentary between baby, job and commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through this right now, but as the wife had twins this winter. I've always been thin. Gained soooo much weight during pregnancy. I've never felt that kind of hunger before and I lost all control. That wasn't even my first pregnancy. Always bounced right back to normal weight with previous pregnancies. This time I didn't. Lost some weight bfing but gained it back.

]

Yes, this is what I was hoping, because it just seemed like the BFing would kind of make it painless to lose.

I don't know what to tell you. If DH said anything about my weight, I'd be crushed. I think I'd emotionally eat to deal with it while he's at work. However, it's a real problem, and if I don't get a handle on it soon, it's only going to be harder to solve.

Right, and I am NOT SAYING A WORD!! I'm actually being encouraging, affectionate and initiating sexytime to give her a confidence boost. I really do love her and know she went through hell. But this is what I'm afraid of.

Maybe you could suggest some healthy activities to do together. Like a family walk after dinner or something.

We used to do a lot of hiking, and I think this fall - now that it's a little cooler - I'm going to push that much much harder - I can put him in the bjorn or get a carrier.

For everyone who wants to blame me: we both get nearly 8 hours of sleep a night; I do all the cooking, all the laundry and 90% of the shopping, and I am the one who ferries the kid around all over the place.

Pp here with twins. Honestly, the exercise will make her feel better, but a healthy diet will help her lose the weight. Stop buying so much ice cream. She's going to eat it. I wish I had a good support system at home, but DH travels 1-3 weeks a month. 4 kids, 2 of them are infants, and it's hard to be peppy and shop for and cook healthy meals.

When I'm most successful, it's weeks when I've found the time to prep more. Chop up veggies and have them ready to grab from the fridge as a snack. Have fruit prepped for a smoothie so I can choose that instead of ice cream. Finding time for a healthy, filling, protein packed breakfast so I'm less likely to snack on something horrible and easy mid morning. Things like that, things I did when I was thin and had half as many kids. If you're in charge of food, start working on making sure she has amazingly wonderful healthy options so she doesn't hit the ice cream like I did last night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through this right now, but as the wife had twins this winter. I've always been thin. Gained soooo much weight during pregnancy. I've never felt that kind of hunger before and I lost all control. That wasn't even my first pregnancy. Always bounced right back to normal weight with previous pregnancies. This time I didn't. Lost some weight bfing but gained it back.

]

Yes, this is what I was hoping, because it just seemed like the BFing would kind of make it painless to lose.

I don't know what to tell you. If DH said anything about my weight, I'd be crushed. I think I'd emotionally eat to deal with it while he's at work. However, it's a real problem, and if I don't get a handle on it soon, it's only going to be harder to solve.

Right, and I am NOT SAYING A WORD!! I'm actually being encouraging, affectionate and initiating sexytime to give her a confidence boost. I really do love her and know she went through hell. But this is what I'm afraid of.

Maybe you could suggest some healthy activities to do together. Like a family walk after dinner or something.

We used to do a lot of hiking, and I think this fall - now that it's a little cooler - I'm going to push that much much harder - I can put him in the bjorn or get a carrier.

For everyone who wants to blame me: we both get nearly 8 hours of sleep a night; I do all the cooking, all the laundry and 90% of the shopping, and I am the one who ferries the kid around all over the place.

If you are doing the cooking try reducing the white starchy carbs in your diet. Make a veggie side dish like mashed cauliflower instead of potatoes. Make lasagna using zucchini noodles instead of pasta. Then go for a walk together after dinner. You can also buy no sugar added ice cream on hand.

Don't do a complete overhaul of what you're making. Just subtle tweaks. You can cook low carb w/o it being super obvious that you are doing it. And reducing sugar/starches will help to reduce the blood sugar swings that are likely making her exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Yes, you are getting slaughtered as expected and probably rightfully so. That said, just because it isnt it off now doesn't mean it never will come off. I am two years past the birth of my second child – older one is now almost 4 1/2 – and I've taken on a serious workout regimen over the last six months and look better than I ever have now that I'm done having kids. It could happen.

5 months is pretty early to expect much though. That said, I don't pretend my husband didn't notice the weight I gained and didn't take off.

I think the big concern is she's 5 months out and gaining. She's not plateaued, she's not losing slowly, she's not at a stagnant point in her weight loss. She's gaining weight per the op. It's fair of him to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

And what is your expectation? To get to 150?

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for ya, but there is nothing you can do to get her to lose weight. I'm pregnant with #2 and still BFing #1, and BFing can make you ravenous. Now that I'm pregnant, my appetite has tanked and I eat very little, but for the first year postpartum, I ate a LOT. Besides, not all women lose weight while breastfeeding--some do, but some don't. You can't hold onto that as your saving grace in this case.

If you do 90% of the shopping, just don't buy ice cream and crap like that. But there's nothing you can do about her snacking at work, so why try. She knows she's gained weight and doesn't need you to tell her, obviously.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I rarely see couples where the wife stays heavier than her husband (over the long-term). Most women greatly dislike being larger than their husbands because it makes them feel huge.

If you stay fit and thin, and are visibly engaging in healthy behavior, she'll probably follow suit eventually. This is a gentle pressure that will ultimately be far more effective than saying something, which will almost certainly backfire.

Remember, she already had the baby, but the first 6-12 months PP are difficult.

[Anonymous]

sorry but 5'1" and 185 is obese. Let's put aside the attractiveness issue, its not healthy at all. My husband gained weight and I was not happy, because he was making poor choices that I felt were also a bad model for our kids. Eating crap and not exercising. While I never said that I wasn't attracted to him, I said that I thought we both needed to be healthier and that he needed to make better choices and I worried about his health. He has started exercising more and I have been making healthier dinners and he's lost a bit.

Its really hard to get into an exercise groove with little kids--what about getting a treadmill though? I found that until my youngest was 2, I could only get short (20 min) sessions in but the exercise helped me feel more energetic. Also, I didn't have time to make lunch, but I did make healthier choices. Have a discussion with your wife about health, not weight. make it a together thing.

For everyone saying that he must have compassion and understanding that his wife had a baby--yes, he must. But if she is gainging weight becasue she is making poor choices, its only going to be harder for her to lose it, feel healthy, feel good. And I think its is the duty of both spouses to stay healthy for each other and support each other in that goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Yes, you are getting slaughtered as expected and probably rightfully so. That said, just because it isnt it off now doesn't mean it never will come off. I am two years past the birth of my second child – older one is now almost 4 1/2 – and I've taken on a serious workout regimen over the last six months and look better than I ever have now that I'm done having kids. It could happen.

5 months is pretty early to expect much though. That said, I don't pretend my husband didn't notice the weight I gained and didn't take off.

I think the big concern is she's 5 months out and gaining. She's not plateaued, she's not losing slowly, she's not at a stagnant point in her weight loss. She's gaining weight per the op. It's fair of him to be concerned.

She's insulin resistant. Yes, she's gaining and will continue to gain until that is addressed with carb cutting and exercise. Do it now while it is still easy to reverse.

[Anonymous]

If you can bring the issue up with her or if she brings it up, I suggest that she have her hormones checked. I know that some women have thyroid issues after pregnancy. Also, for some women, they don't lose weight until they stop nursing. So there could be several underlying factors going on here.

[Anonymous]

Of course you're going to get slaughtered here.

I am 5'7" and weighed 160 pounds prior to getting pregnant. Then I gained 30 pounds during pregnancy. I lost some of the weight while breastfeeding, but by 5 months post partum, I was still hovering around 170 pounds. It's hard to adjust your eating habits after pregnancy, particularly if you have a pregnancy where you are hungry all the time. People get into food routines and they are often hard to break. People overeat and then have a bowl of ice cream and it all adds up pretty fast. As we age, it becomes harder to lose weight and easier to gain it. Many people have a hard time accepting and responding to that.

I will say the unpopular thing and suggest that you just talk to your wife about it. I'm not saying to be an asshole and say YOU ARE A FAT-FAT AND I DON'T WANT YOU. But talk to her about how you'd like to support her getting healthy post-pregnancy. You can frame it as an overall health conversation, as something you do together, whatever you think will be the least offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here with twins. Honestly, the exercise will make her feel better, but a healthy diet will help her lose the weight. Stop buying so much ice cream. She's going to eat it. I wish I had a good support system at home, but DH travels 1-3 weeks a month. 4 kids, 2 of them are infants, and it's hard to be peppy and shop for and cook healthy meals.

Just, yeah, wow...4 kids...$deity help you doing that w/o a support system.

I tried to very gently encourage walking because DW was never an exercise hound (I'm a 30 mile a week runner). I don't expect her to become an exercise hound or to be a "thin" or "athletic" person, and I don't want to in any way make her feel bad about her fitness level or appearance right now to give her time to recover. Also: it doesn't appear to be affecting our sex life yet, and I'm terrified of killing that by saying anything that would make her embarrassed of her body.

Anonymous wrote:When I'm most successful, it's weeks when I've found the time to prep more. Chop up veggies and have them ready to grab from the fridge as a snack. Have fruit prepped for a smoothie so I can choose that instead of ice cream. Finding time for a healthy, filling, protein packed breakfast so I'm less likely to snack on something horrible and easy mid morning. Things like that, things I did when I was thin and had half as many kids. If you're in charge of food, start working on making sure she has amazingly wonderful healthy options so she doesn't hit the ice cream like I did last night.

I do the shopping and do not keep ice cream in the house.

I make healthy meals which are mostly veggies and proteins and avoid carbs like the plague (she's a carb-a-holic); I never make prepared foods (yeah, I'm a foodie snob). To the PP who commented on substituting protein and fat for carbs for better satiety: this is my dietary plan since before I met DW.

But when she's at work and has pizza for lunch and then gets soft serve for an afternoon snack...not much I can do about it. And I'm not about to harp on her or police her eating.

I don't mind Zaftig - I think it's sexy - but I can't handle out and out obesity.

[Anonymous]

Exercise is good for you, but it doesn't have all that much to do with weight. What you eat is the main factor with weight. And, of course, people's bodies process food differently. Some can eat a ton of junk and not gain. Some can eat very healthy and still gain.

How she gets in the head space necessary to back off on the junk food, I don't know.

Is she eating much differently now than she did before she got pregnant?