Love my wife, but she's getting seriously fat....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And what is your expectation? To get to 150?

"expectation?"...not really any expectation. Back to 150 would be fine by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are going to get absolutely slaughtered here, so brace yourself.

Oh, I knew this was going to happen. I am just venting...I don't really care.

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife in any way experiencing PP depression?

No, not a bit. And she bounced back pretty quickly really. A few tears and times when she missed him after she went back to work, but she's actually doing really well.

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming this is your first child. How is life with the baby and the adjustment going, in general? Is your wife back to work or staying home?

We both took leave (she for 2 months, me for one), and I do more of the daily child-related stuff, and most of the household chores (laundry, shopping, cooking). The baby is easy, sleeps through the night (for since the 2 month mark) and we're actually adjusting shockingly well. Most people I know with small children are envious and snarky about it.

Anonymous wrote:In all honesty, I agree with you. She does need to start dropping the weight, but I'm trying to understand if there are other, more pressing factors getting in the way.

Time is the big issue - between job and commute, she just doesn't have time for the gym. I don't think the gym is the main issue though. I've shifted the cooking and meals, but the lunchtime fast food and ice cream for between meals snacks is packing it on.

For those who say "you're not allowed to judge" - it's not "judging" (I don't say a word to her about what she's eating or her weight), it's just that I can't help but seeing that she is getting bigger, and it's not baby. And when you say "for a year" - you realize, the longer it's on, the harder it will be to get off - and it will probably never come off.

I'm not going to comment generally on your little rant here, but you just can't make blanket statements like your last one - "the longer it's on, the harder it will be to get off". Maybe that's true for you, and maybe that was true for your wife before pregnancy. I have two kids, and with both, during the first year I was breastfeeding, my weight was up and down. I would take off some of the pregnancy weight, then put it back on. I had a truly difficult time resisting "junk" food and my appetite was crazy. I could not take the weight off at all. Note that prior to having kids, I never struggled with my weight, I ran marathons, etc. Both times, I had no trouble losing the weight after 1 year, which is when I was not really nursing anymore. My body just returned to normal and the weight came off with no real changes in diet or exercise.

Also please note that I really struggled to fit in exercise before 1 year or so as well. You may feel as though you are giving your wife time to do so - my DH did too - but because I also worked full time, I struggled with feeling guilty about spending even more time away from my kid(s). That was particularly so around 5-8 months, because I had just gone back to work. But in a couple of months, your baby will be sitting and crawling and can ride in a jogging stroller, which was awesome for me.

Anyway, maybe try to understand things from your wife's perspective, and remind yourself that post-pregnancy weight loss for a nursing woman is not the same for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do 90% of the shopping, just don't buy ice cream and crap like that. But there's nothing you can do about her snacking at work, so why try. She knows she's gained weight and doesn't need you to tell her, obviously.

Good luck.

Yeah, this kinda sums up how I'm feeling about it. I know she knows and acknowledging it (saying something) will only come off as critical and hurtful.

I appreciate the sympathy and the well wishes. Good luck to you too.

[Anonymous]

I had terrible morning sickness and barely gained 20 lbs during pregnancy due to throwing up constantly the entire 9 months. Within days of giving birth, I was probably only 5 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight. I gained 10 while breastfeeding. What you don't realize is that you are constantly thirsty and hungry when nursing. I ate 5 meals per day and drank calories all the time. Once I stopped nursing at around 9 months, the weight just came off.

Of course we started having more sex than and shortly after our baby's 1st birthday, we got pregnant with our second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she eating much differently now than she did before she got pregnant?

Not really differently, just more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

Okay, so your wife was never terribly thin. Doesn't sound like it's her body type. And she doesn't eat healthy.

You are getting slaughtered and I get it. But I will say that I personally would judge your reaction more harshly if you said your wife was generally eating all the right things and just having a tough time with her weight. I am a woman and I've had two kids and 5 months post-partum is VERY SOON. Having a new baby can be overwhelming and eating can be a way to cope, even if it seems to you OP that everything is going great. So cut her some slack!!!!!

But. But.

At some point post-partum, we need to take responsibility and manage our diet and make an effort. Or choose not to. Great. Then your husband might not be psyched that you're getting fat. And I say this because if my husband gets fat after chowing down on ice cream and fast food, I'm not as attracted to him and I'm bummed. So this guy feels the same and he's a criminal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had terrible morning sickness and barely gained 20 lbs during pregnancy due to throwing up constantly the entire 9 months. Within days of giving birth, I was probably only 5 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight. I gained 10 while breastfeeding. What you don't realize is that you are constantly thirsty and hungry when nursing. I ate 5 meals per day and drank calories all the time. Once I stopped nursing at around 9 months, the weight just came off.

Of course we started having more sex than and shortly after our baby's 1st birthday, we got pregnant with our second child.

Just wanted to add that I probably ate healthy half the time and junk the other half. I had many more cravings during breastfeeding than while pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure there is really anything to do - this is mostly just venting.

We are 5 months post-partum and while DW was actually dropping weight for a while (breast feeding was helping) but she's still close to her birth weight and has started gaining again. The maternity pants came back out. The ice cream diet hasn't slowed down at all. I love her, and we're actually having sex again, and I still think she's got a beautiful face, but the fat is starting to be a problem. She was never a skinny person and I'm OK with that, but instead of leveraging the breast feeding weight loss advantage, she's just chowing down. The pregnancy was complicated so we didn't have sex then (bummed me out because I have a little pregnancy fetish), and now I'm not sure we will get back in the groove because I'm just not really attracted. She's nearly a foot shorter than I am but has like 20 lb advantage on me. I love her and our family, but I just don't think I can gin up a fat fetish.

I don't understand what this post accomplishes other than talking smack about your wife behind her back. It's fine to be concerned about her health but talk to her about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

Okay, so your wife was never terribly thin. Doesn't sound like it's her body type. And she doesn't eat healthy.

You are getting slaughtered and I get it. But I will say that I personally would judge your reaction more harshly if you said your wife was generally eating all the right things and just having a tough time with her weight. I am a woman and I've had two kids and 5 months post-partum is VERY SOON. Having a new baby can be overwhelming and eating can be a way to cope, even if it seems to you OP that everything is going great. So cut her some slack!!!!!

But. But.

At some point post-partum, we need to take responsibility and manage our diet and make an effort. Or choose not to. Great. Then your husband might not be psyched that you're getting fat. And I say this because if my husband gets fat after chowing down on ice cream and fast food, I'm not as attracted to him and I'm bummed. So this guy feels the same and he's a criminal?

Sorry OP but 5'1" 150 lbs was already fat. You married a fat woman. You should not be surprised that she is fatter after giving birth.

I'm 5'4" and weighed 110 pounds pre-pregnancy. I'm now 125 pounds and feel fat. DH recently commented that I'm not fat but just normal now. He said I used to be skinny. He wasn't trying to be mean but I felt really bad. I want to look good so I am cutting out ice cream and sweets from my diet. Your wife has to be the one who wants to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here with twins. Honestly, the exercise will make her feel better, but a healthy diet will help her lose the weight. Stop buying so much ice cream. She's going to eat it. I wish I had a good support system at home, but DH travels 1-3 weeks a month. 4 kids, 2 of them are infants, and it's hard to be peppy and shop for and cook healthy meals.

Just, yeah, wow...4 kids...$deity help you doing that w/o a support system.

I tried to very gently encourage walking because DW was never an exercise hound (I'm a 30 mile a week runner). I don't expect her to become an exercise hound or to be a "thin" or "athletic" person, and I don't want to in any way make her feel bad about her fitness level or appearance right now to give her time to recover. Also: it doesn't appear to be affecting our sex life yet, and I'm terrified of killing that by saying anything that would make her embarrassed of her body.

Anonymous wrote:When I'm most successful, it's weeks when I've found the time to prep more. Chop up veggies and have them ready to grab from the fridge as a snack. Have fruit prepped for a smoothie so I can choose that instead of ice cream. Finding time for a healthy, filling, protein packed breakfast so I'm less likely to snack on something horrible and easy mid morning. Things like that, things I did when I was thin and had half as many kids. If you're in charge of food, start working on making sure she has amazingly wonderful healthy options so she doesn't hit the ice cream like I did last night.

I do the shopping and do not keep ice cream in the house.

I make healthy meals which are mostly veggies and proteins and avoid carbs like the plague (she's a carb-a-holic); I never make prepared foods (yeah, I'm a foodie snob). To the PP who commented on substituting protein and fat for carbs for better satiety: this is my dietary plan since before I met DW.

But when she's at work and has pizza for lunch and then gets soft serve for an afternoon snack...not much I can do about it. And I'm not about to harp on her or police her eating.

I don't mind Zaftig - I think it's sexy - but I can't handle out and out obesity.

Pp with twins here. Thanks it's rough but doable.

Would it come off as controlling if you pack her leftovers for lunch? Maybe suggest trimming back on spending for eating out at least a few times a week? Then she'd have healthy lunches too. But I wouldn't try for everyday, at least not at first. She might have trouble giving up all the fun food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

Okay, so your wife was never terribly thin. Doesn't sound like it's her body type. And she doesn't eat healthy.

You are getting slaughtered and I get it. But I will say that I personally would judge your reaction more harshly if you said your wife was generally eating all the right things and just having a tough time with her weight. I am a woman and I've had two kids and 5 months post-partum is VERY SOON. Having a new baby can be overwhelming and eating can be a way to cope, even if it seems to you OP that everything is going great. So cut her some slack!!!!!

But. But.

At some point post-partum, we need to take responsibility and manage our diet and make an effort. Or choose not to. Great. Then your husband might not be psyched that you're getting fat. And I say this because if my husband gets fat after chowing down on ice cream and fast food, I'm not as attracted to him and I'm bummed. So this guy feels the same and he's a criminal?

Sorry OP but 5'1" 150 lbs was already fat. You married a fat woman. You should not be surprised that she is fatter after giving birth.

I'm 5'4" and weighed 110 pounds pre-pregnancy. I'm now 125 pounds and feel fat. DH recently commented that I'm not fat but just normal now. He said I used to be skinny. He wasn't trying to be mean but I felt really bad. I want to look good so I am cutting out ice cream and sweets from my diet. Your wife has to be the one who wants to change.

5'4" and 125 pounds is perfect. Embrace yourself.

[Anonymous]

"I rarely see couples where the wife stays heavier than her husband (over the long-term). Most women greatly dislike being larger than their husbands because it makes them feel huge. "

Ever take a stroll through Walmart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what this post accomplishes other than talking smack about your wife behind her back. It's fine to be concerned about her health but talk to her about it.

It doesn't accomplish anything except letting me vent anonymously. I'll be honest: I'm not concern-trolling about her heath; I know perfectly well that obesity has adverse effects, but <200 isn't really morbidly obese and at this point I'm more worried about just losing all attraction.

I do appreciate all the ladies who've chimed in with their different weight experiences with BFing, and with the fact that it was only after they were done BFing that their bodies really got back to normal. That's very encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are 5 months post-partum...

No. WE aren't.

5 months... REALLY?

OP appreciate the fact that you are being honest. The last thing you should be doing to this beautiful woman is bring her self esteem down. Women's bodies take a hit during pregnancy and it takes at least 1-2 years to start getting back to normal. In many ways she has sacrificed herself so you both can enjoy a child & build a family. Love her for who she is , unconditionally and it will motivate her to be her best.

No it doesn't take 1-2 years. It only does in America where people have very poor diets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight? before and after?

5'1" - 150
" " - 185

Okay, so your wife was never terribly thin. Doesn't sound like it's her body type. And she doesn't eat healthy.

You are getting slaughtered and I get it. But I will say that I personally would judge your reaction more harshly if you said your wife was generally eating all the right things and just having a tough time with her weight. I am a woman and I've had two kids and 5 months post-partum is VERY SOON. Having a new baby can be overwhelming and eating can be a way to cope, even if it seems to you OP that everything is going great. So cut her some slack!!!!!

But. But.

At some point post-partum, we need to take responsibility and manage our diet and make an effort. Or choose not to. Great. Then your husband might not be psyched that you're getting fat. And I say this because if my husband gets fat after chowing down on ice cream and fast food, I'm not as attracted to him and I'm bummed. So this guy feels the same and he's a criminal?

Sorry OP but 5'1" 150 lbs was already fat. You married a fat woman. You should not be surprised that she is fatter after giving birth.

I'm 5'4" and weighed 110 pounds pre-pregnancy. I'm now 125 pounds and feel fat. DH recently commented that I'm not fat but just normal now. He said I used to be skinny. He wasn't trying to be mean but I felt really bad. I want to look good so I am cutting out ice cream and sweets from my diet. Your wife has to be the one who wants to change.

5'4" and 125 pounds is perfect. Embrace yourself.

PP here. Thank you. I feel the weight is not distributed well and I need to work on it. When I was young, I was always very proud of my figure. Now not so much. 2 kids have done a number on my mid-section.

Previously in life, I had all these goals (school, work, travel) but fitness was never a priority. I want to be in the best shape of my life at age 40. That is my goal. I am currently 37yo.