Is this all there is to life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you're 31 with a nanny and a twice weekly housekeeper, and life is hard. Spare me. You are the definition of entitlement mentality. You need to grow up - fast - before you pass this onto your child. The worst thing is you don't even realize how fortunate you are.

Jesus, why do you women on here have such a starvation mentality? As soon as you figure out that someone has something you don't, the claws come out. Grow up and stop being so damn bitter. Maybe if you worked harder, instead of being hateful, you could afford a nanny and housekeeper too like OP.

This.

DCUM is crawling with ungracious women who aren't poor economically, but suffer from a pathological poverty of the soul. You posters who took the chance to lay into OP still have to return to whatever it is in your lives that has made you so unhappy. That is exactly what you deserve.

Well said, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

[Anonymous]

OP here, people are clearly hung up on how much help I have NOW, so let me clarify:

I have had a housekeeper and nanny for the past two months. Before now, a worsening of my child's congenital condition required me to be with him for the second year of life. At the same time, student loan debt meant that I could not afford to be a stay-at-home mom. So, I moved toa lower paying full time job that required only 40-50 hours a week, instead of my higher paying job that was basically 24 hours a day. I worked out a deal with my new boss in which I telecommuted three times a week and DH worked out a deal with his boss in which he telecommuted twice a week. Once a month, I would work a full week in the office. Once a month, DH would work a full week in the office.

We could not afford a regular nanny. No daycare could take my son because of his condition. So, I worked full time and DH and I took turn caring for our son full time while the other was in the office. Whenever we had a little accumulated, we would hire a babysitter for a few hours so that we could frantically catch up on work. After a year, our son was better, but we were broke and exhausted. It became clear that I would have to monetize my credentials for the sake of our family. So, I went back to my previous position at a hospital with better money. The hours are terrible. I routinely work 36-hour shifts. But we are starting to put a dent in our debt. Although I have a nanny and housekeeper, I cannot possibly delegate everything. I am surprised by how hard it all still is. And people in our lives cannot really understand because they are not in our shoes.

I did not think I would have to add all of my personal business in order not to catch a backlash from some of the shrews on this board. I should've known better. Thank you to everyone who has offered a helpful perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

You couldn't just get one of the light producing UV lamps? You had to actually move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think perhaps you are yearning for the life that you led pre-baby. All new mothers do this. Give yourself some time, perhaps you still need time to get used to being a mom.

It is the most toughest, often thankless job in the whole world. Bar none.

However you have a housekeeper along with a nanny. Count your blessings for sure on this. There are tons of parents who don't have the extra cash to pay anyone to outsource their duties.

Plus, this is a tough time for sure. When children are this young, they are not independent yet to care of many of their physical needs. Having to care for another person is stressful, however eventually kids grow up and it will be a lot easier later on.

Keep your eye on the prize OP!

What is the prize?

One day, your kids will be more independent, you will still have a great career and hopefully your life will also be full of friends and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Work at Freddie Mac. You can do child care during your days off , excuse me during your work from home days.

Everyone else does.

There is never a conference call without some kid crying in the back ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, people are clearly hung up on how much help I have NOW, so let me clarify:

I have had a housekeeper and nanny for the past two months. Before now, a worsening of my child's congenital condition required me to be with him for the second year of life. At the same time, student loan debt meant that I could not afford to be a stay-at-home mom. So, I moved toa lower paying full time job that required only 40-50 hours a week, instead of my higher paying job that was basically 24 hours a day. I worked out a deal with my new boss in which I telecommuted three times a week and DH worked out a deal with his boss in which he telecommuted twice a week. Once a month, I would work a full week in the office. Once a month, DH would work a full week in the office.

We could not afford a regular nanny. No daycare could take my son because of his condition. So, I worked full time and DH and I took turn caring for our son full time while the other was in the office. Whenever we had a little accumulated, we would hire a babysitter for a few hours so that we could frantically catch up on work. After a year, our son was better, but we were broke and exhausted. It became clear that I would have to monetize my credentials for the sake of our family. So, I went back to my previous position at a hospital with better money. The hours are terrible. I routinely work 36-hour shifts. But we are starting to put a dent in our debt. Although I have a nanny and housekeeper, I cannot possibly delegate everything. I am surprised by how hard it all still is. And people in our lives cannot really understand because they are not in our shoes.

I did not think I would have to add all of my personal business in order not to catch a backlash from some of the shrews on this board. I should've known better. Thank you to everyone who has offered a helpful perspective.

Well, goodness! I think that the details certainly make a material change to the lifestyle we all imagined you to be living. Working mom with a healthy toddler, nanny, and housekeeper? BTDT without the nanny and housekeeper.

Working mom with an ill child, large student loans, and terrible hours at work? I have no idea how I'd feel about being in your shoes. Probably overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

LOL only in DC would 30 be considered "so young"

Just like outside of DC making $200,000 would be considered "a lot" of money.

[Anonymous]

Go part time or quit your job- your family needs someone managing the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

Hysterical. Your kid is only 5 months old, not yet mobile and not yet on a nap or school schedule. Just you wait.....LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

Hysterical. Your kid is only 5 months old, not yet mobile and not yet on a nap or school schedule. Just you wait.....LOL

That's fine. People said "just wait" before the kid was born too. "You'll be so sleep deprived! You'll mourn your lost life!" You know what? Not a big deal. Bring it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't totally relate because I have the job and two kids but not the household help. But: What is it you wish you had more time to do? My kids are slightly older than yours and by now I've figured out that as long as I can do certain things--in my case, exercise, work in the garden, cook, have friends over for dinner--regularly, I stay happy. It's much easier to fit these things in on the weekends, but I do manage to run and cook during the week.

That said, my husband is a great companion and my kids bring me joy like nothing ever has in life. It doesn't sound like you are there yet. You might want to consider counseling, and I don't say that flippantly. If I didn't relish my family time, these family centric days would be tough.

This. Figure out what would make you happier, and then sacrifice other things to get the time to do it. Don't say yes to every holiday or party. It's okay if you're family is mad sometimes. Maybe you could drop one workout a week and use that time to do something you miss. You prioritize and you learn to stop saying yes to everything just because you feel like you're supposed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

Hysterical. Your kid is only 5 months old, not yet mobile and not yet on a nap or school schedule. Just you wait.....LOL

That's fine. People said "just wait" before the kid was born too. "You'll be so sleep deprived! You'll mourn your lost life!" You know what? Not a big deal. Bring it.

Love your optimism. Good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, people are clearly hung up on how much help I have NOW, so let me clarify:

I have had a housekeeper and nanny for the past two months. Before now, a worsening of my child's congenital condition required me to be with him for the second year of life. At the same time, student loan debt meant that I could not afford to be a stay-at-home mom. So, I moved toa lower paying full time job that required only 40-50 hours a week, instead of my higher paying job that was basically 24 hours a day. I worked out a deal with my new boss in which I telecommuted three times a week and DH worked out a deal with his boss in which he telecommuted twice a week. Once a month, I would work a full week in the office. Once a month, DH would work a full week in the office.

We could not afford a regular nanny. No daycare could take my son because of his condition. So, I worked full time and DH and I took turn caring for our son full time while the other was in the office. Whenever we had a little accumulated, we would hire a babysitter for a few hours so that we could frantically catch up on work. After a year, our son was better, but we were broke and exhausted. It became clear that I would have to monetize my credentials for the sake of our family. So, I went back to my previous position at a hospital with better money. The hours are terrible. I routinely work 36-hour shifts. But we are starting to put a dent in our debt. Although I have a nanny and housekeeper, I cannot possibly delegate everything. I am surprised by how hard it all still is. And people in our lives cannot really understand because they are not in our shoes.

I did not think I would have to add all of my personal business in order not to catch a backlash from some of the shrews on this board. I should've known better. Thank you to everyone who has offered a helpful perspective.

Well, goodness! I think that the details certainly make a material change to the lifestyle we all imagined you to be living. Working mom with a healthy toddler, nanny, and housekeeper? BTDT without the nanny and housekeeper.

Working mom with an ill child, large student loans, and terrible hours at work? I have no idea how I'd feel about being in your shoes. Probably overwhelmed.

Why do you need to know that a person's lifestyle is shit before you offer them a little human sympathy or keep it moving if you cannot be so gracious?