Is this all there is to life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

you're not very good at reading comprehension. the pp said that all you have to do is make yourself have a cheery attitude, and happiness magically follows. i said that was nonsense. there is more to it than just forcing yourself to have happy thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

You couldn't just get one of the light producing UV lamps? You had to actually move?

Lol, yes. I'm a NP. There was a world of difference for me when I could do things like walk outside year round, swim, hike, see vibrant colors in the winter instead of drab gray everywhere, etc. There is a reason people's moving south in record numbers. Some people need the sun and warmth. For others, like my friend in Seattle, a UV lamp satisfies her needs.

i'm the person who moved - and, no, a uv lamp wasn't enough. people are different; we have different needs. one of my needs is not being in a northeastern winter.

i don't regret moving south for a single second. it's still summer here, and will be for months longer. and even when it gets to be winter, we'll still have sunshine. it makes a world of difference - to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

you're not very good at reading comprehension. the pp said that all you have to do is make yourself have a cheery attitude, and happiness magically follows. i said that was nonsense. there is more to it than just forcing yourself to have happy thoughts.

Tsk tsk. Such a bad attitude. Maybe you should move somewhere even sunnier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

you're not very good at reading comprehension. the pp said that all you have to do is make yourself have a cheery attitude, and happiness magically follows. i said that was nonsense. there is more to it than just forcing yourself to have happy thoughts.

Tsk tsk. Such a bad attitude. Maybe you should move somewhere even sunnier.

I'm happy where I am, but thanks for your concern. I do object to people who suggest magical thinking is the way to deal with anxiety and depression. Or who say that because they are happy, that means they've figured out how to make everyone happy. And then try to bully everyone else into agreeing with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

you're not very good at reading comprehension. the pp said that all you have to do is make yourself have a cheery attitude, and happiness magically follows. i said that was nonsense. there is more to it than just forcing yourself to have happy thoughts.

Tsk tsk. Such a bad attitude. Maybe you should move somewhere even sunnier.

I'm happy where I am, but thanks for your concern. I do object to people who suggest magical thinking is the way to deal with anxiety and depression. Or who say that because they are happy, that means they've figured out how to make everyone happy. And then try to bully everyone else into agreeing with them.

Not PP, but you think that the above includes bullying in regards to suggesting that people are responsible for creating their own happiness? Whoa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

you're not very good at reading comprehension. the pp said that all you have to do is make yourself have a cheery attitude, and happiness magically follows. i said that was nonsense. there is more to it than just forcing yourself to have happy thoughts.

Tsk tsk. Such a bad attitude. Maybe you should move somewhere even sunnier.

I'm happy where I am, but thanks for your concern. I do object to people who suggest magical thinking is the way to deal with anxiety and depression. Or who say that because they are happy, that means they've figured out how to make everyone happy. And then try to bully everyone else into agreeing with them.

Not PP, but you think that the above includes bullying in regards to suggesting that people are responsible for creating their own happiness? Whoa.

I think that it can be bullying to insist that when people are unhappy that it's their own fault, for not magically cheering themselves up.

Flame away, but I'm going to bow out now, because OP had actual questions and problems, and I'm just grinding my axe now about a particularly irksome type of American self-helpedness. (See, Barbara Ehrenreich: http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33, and just had my first child 5 months ago. Before I had her, we basically traveled the world, moved from city to city, and partied a lot...for about a decade. I really started to wonder..."is this all there is?"

Now, we tote our poop machine around the country on our trips. We take her to happy hour to see our friends...our childless friends come to our house to hang out and have cocktails. It's not that different.

I'm totally not sold on having 2 kids, but 1? So easy so far, and we've had no help.

Freshen your perspective...the only thing limiting you, is you.

that's not quite true. it sounds like OP has a job that doesn't leave lots of time for happy hours, etc. also, sometimes people's brain chemistries are different. this self-help nonsense that there is no objective reality, only you creating your perspective, is awesome if your perspective is chipper and satisfied. if you're anxious and depressed and overwhelmed - not so much.

great that things are still peachy for you guys. it's really not fair to lord that over others and say, just be happy like we are.

Please. You really do have to look inward for your own happiness. Expecting exogenous factors / people / things to propel you into bliss is never going to satsify you in the long-run.

that's self-help nonsense. let me give you an example: last winter, i was miserable because of the cold and dark. crying every day. so i moved somewhere sunny. and now is the time of year that summer is coming to an end in dc - usually when that dread starts creeping up in me, that sunshine and warmth will be over soon. except this year i don't have that darkness rising up in me, because i live somewhere that better suits my needs.

yes, part of good mental health is a good attitude. but external factors OBVIOUSLY influence how you feel about things. if you are being hit in the head every ten minutes, you're going to have a headache. no amount of forcing yourself to smile will stop that.

So you agree it's not nonsense. Got it.

you're not very good at reading comprehension. the pp said that all you have to do is make yourself have a cheery attitude, and happiness magically follows. i said that was nonsense. there is more to it than just forcing yourself to have happy thoughts.

Tsk tsk. Such a bad attitude. Maybe you should move somewhere even sunnier.

I'm happy where I am, but thanks for your concern. I do object to people who suggest magical thinking is the way to deal with anxiety and depression. Or who say that because they are happy, that means they've figured out how to make everyone happy. And then try to bully everyone else into agreeing with them.

Not PP, but you think that the above includes bullying in regards to suggesting that people are responsible for creating their own happiness? Whoa.

I think that it can be bullying to insist that when people are unhappy that it's their own fault, for not magically cheering themselves up.

Flame away, but I'm going to bow out now, because OP had actual questions and problems, and I'm just grinding my axe now about a particularly irksome type of American self-helpedness. (See, Barbara Ehrenreich: http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Sided-Positive-Thinking-Undermining-America/dp/0312658850)

I hardly think that anyone was insisting. No flames here, but methinks you may be seeing things that aren't there.

[Anonymous]

The part that sticks out to me is OP is bitter she has to waste time on things like engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, etc. for others. Presumably, the people in her life did this for her when it was her turn. So yeah, in one sense, you're not always the prom queen and sometimes you celebrate others when it's their turn.

In addition, having a housekeeper and a nanny makes a lot of the other other complaints farcical. I mean, come on, OP.

I get what she's saying in one sense. The "big" stuff is behind her- she graduated, got a job, got married, had a kid, etc. so all the large life milestones are accomplished. But if she chooses to whine about what's ahead instead of focusing on all the stuff she's free to do now that the "big" pieces are in place, she's just a whinger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The part that sticks out to me is OP is bitter she has to waste time on things like engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, etc. for others. Presumably, the people in her life did this for her when it was her turn. So yeah, in one sense, you're not always the prom queen and sometimes you celebrate others when it's their turn.

In addition, having a housekeeper and a nanny makes a lot of the other other complaints farcical. I mean, come on, OP.

I get what she's saying in one sense. The "big" stuff is behind her- she graduated, got a job, got married, had a kid, etc. so all the large life milestones are accomplished. But if she chooses to whine about what's ahead instead of focusing on all the stuff she's free to do now that the "big" pieces are in place, she's just a whinger.

Shut up, you twit, and read the rest of the thread.

[Anonymous]

OP, I actually thought you were a friend of mine at first until you provided more details. I often feel the same way too. So there are at least two more of us out there! And I think that the answer is, yes, this is all there is. And yes, it does often suck. But there are good times too and you have to create more of those for yourself/your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The part that sticks out to me is OP is bitter she has to waste time on things like engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, etc. for others. Presumably, the people in her life did this for her when it was her turn. So yeah, in one sense, you're not always the prom queen and sometimes you celebrate others when it's their turn.

In addition, having a housekeeper and a nanny makes a lot of the other other complaints farcical. I mean, come on, OP.

I get what she's saying in one sense. The "big" stuff is behind her- she graduated, got a job, got married, had a kid, etc. so all the large life milestones are accomplished. But if she chooses to whine about what's ahead instead of focusing on all the stuff she's free to do now that the "big" pieces are in place, she's just a whinger.

Shut up, you twit, and read the rest of the thread.

Who the fuck has time to read 9 pages of gibber gabber? Seriously asking. I read the OP and responded. The rest of the noise doesn't matter to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

Let me try to offer the most constructive advice I can (coming from a mom of three, with a husband who travels a lot, and I work full time as well).

First, it is important to figure out what you want the time to DO. What's important to you? For me, it's a sport I love and I've worked to make time to fit it.

The toddler years are really really hard. For a lot of parents, spending time with a toddler isn't that enjoyable. It will get better when they are older, I promise. The time commitment doesn't lessen but perhaps your enjoyment of those hours will increase.

Say no to family or social obligations you don't have time for. If your family wants to see you, have them come to your house. Let them babysit your child while you go out to dinner with your husband or do something you want to do.

For OP and those who agree with this sentiment: "Twenty years of caring for kids, then another decade of work, then it will be all about illnesses due to old age.

I am not ambitious but I have days I feel blue wondering if this is all there will be to my life."

Just wondering - what is it you WANT out of your life? Working and taking care of your kids isn't enough? Do you have a fulfilling marriage? What do you actually want?

I think we, as women, were told growing up that we could have IT ALL. We can't. No one can. You cannot be a 60 hour a week powerful career woman, have Sex and the City friendships, a great marriage, time for exercise and spa appointments, and three beautiful well-adjusted children at home. You have to make choices and prioritize. If you're asking yourself, "is this all there is?" I would say, ask yourself what it is you WANT. And then figure out how to adjust the rest of your life to get you a little more of what you want.

Sex and the City was a fictional television program for crying out loud.

Yes, I'm well aware. It was shorthand for, "a tight knit group of friends that you see on a near-daily basis."

[Anonymous]

you got time for DCUM! Get off computer and do something fun. Enjoy your kids. It goes very fast. You aren't a single person anymore. Life changes when you have to share your time with the people you created.