Is this all there is to life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?

Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.

Huh, that doesn't really appeal to me. If you're single at 40, you may very likely be single at 50 (when you're going to decidedly look less great). Being single during those years seems shitty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?

Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.

Not ways the case!

-blissfully single mom who adopted an infant (now toddler.)

[Anonymous]

Not always

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?

Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.

No, they're not.

They are doing all of those things in compensation for not having a family. Check back with them when they are 60 and let them tell you about it.

The fact is you CAN be happy w/o a spouse and kids. I don't know why so many people doubt this. More people are single/childless now than any other time. Not all of them are miserable.

No, hopefully they've made peace with it and are not miserable. And of course they are free to enjoy the spoils of singleness, which is some compensation. But I guarantee you, 99% of these women would trade some aspect of their life for a husband and/or family, or still rue the "one who got away," or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I love being single especially after reading DCUM. I am a single mom to a 10 yr old DD and I felt a bit like the OP at one time except for the nanny, housekeeper, husband around to help part. It is tiring. Now that my DD is older, she spends more time with her friends (she is at her friend's house now) and I finally get a chance to breathe. My friendships suffered a bit when my DD was young but parents understand. Your single friends may not but oh well. I would advise you not to have another child though if you feel like this now.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a couple of issues going on here, a demanding job (which is what you chose and that's okay), a toddler (they take every bit of energy) and gazillion social commitments (totally avoidable). Now add in your desire to have ME time and there are not enough hours in the day, as a PP already mentioned, something has got to give because you can't have it all at the same time.

Start saying yes to every invitation which comes your way and make more time for yourself and your family. It is your decision.

[Anonymous]

*stop saying yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, hopefully they've made peace with it and are not miserable. And of course they are free to enjoy the spoils of singleness, which is some compensation. But I guarantee you, 99% of these women would trade some aspect of their life for a husband and/or family, or still rue the "one who got away," or whatever.

OP here. They would trade it because they don't know how much marriage and kids suck. Society builds up the married life w/ children as ideal and so many women fall for it. If I could go back in time and warn myself, I kinda would. I love my son and now that he is here, I will do right by him. But if I could have my old life back, I would in a heartbeat.

But here I am and it is too late now. The purpose of this thread is not to bash marriage or debate single v. married. It's to ask other working moms what life is really like for them and hopefully get some useful ideas that I can implement.

(I see that someone suggested quitting my job. That is a useless idea because it doesn't take into account financial obligations and the long term consequences of getting out of the job market. My goal isn't to end up screwed a different way than I currently am.)

[Anonymous]

I consider my job my "me time." It's not great but at least it's not about my kids. Agree it's a total grind but you probably need to figure out a way to cut back on some things--prioritize. Also get on reliable birth control, if you think one is tough, two is three times harder, and three is six times harder.

[Anonymous]

OP, I"m in the same boat, but I took a pay cut to try and go into a field I love. Unfortunately, I had to go back to school. So we have no extra $$ for help (even a babysitter is too pricey at this point) and I'm feeling burnt out.

If it makes you feel better, I'm enjoying my toddler more and more as she grows, and she's becoming a fun outlet for me.

I miss having me time though.

I've stopped doing a lot of family functions though - mainly b/c we just can't afford to fly to see them - but they are welcome to come here!

[Anonymous]

A mom here, I think I have a fairly good work/life balance and I can make time for things I enjoy doing. I have 2 things going for me, I work from 7:30 to 3:30 and my social commitments are minimum. Can you get a job with more flexible schedule or is it possible to negotiate the same with current employer? Also, toddlers are a lot of work, this phase will pass, your child will grow more independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider my job my "me time." It's not great but at least it's not about my kids. Agree it's a total grind but you probably need to figure out a way to cut back on some things--prioritize. Also get on reliable birth control, if you think one is tough, two is three times harder, and three is six times harder.

Haha..so true. I had such crazy back to school week because of change in child care that when I reached office today, I felt completely relaxed just to be away from the madness going on at home. It doesn't mean I love those kiddies any less, it just means my work restores my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

You need to get checked for depression and then start focusing on the good parts of your life. You may realize that being a wife and mom aren't worth it for you, and divorce and giving your husband full custody are the way to go. No shame in that, OP. It's not worth being sad all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?

Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.

No, they're not.

They are doing all of those things in compensation for not having a family. Check back with them when they are 60 and let them tell you about it.

You might want to get a refund for your crystal ball there, sweetie. I don't think you have a clue about how others feel, much less an accurate insight into the future. Oh, and you might want to do a better job at hiding your own buyer's remorse. Blatant bitterness towards others is not the way to go.

This thread is nothing but the epitome of "Bed made. LIE."

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to be career focused. Now I have a mom job. Granted I have a mom job that pays well but I work 40 hrs a week and telecommute more often than not. Very helpful re laundry, dinner prep, wrapping Xmas gifts, making valentines, etc. to do it at home when on a conference call.

Something has to give, but it's up to you to decide what that is. Social commitments is something else that I gave up. I have friends I rarely see. Those with kids near the age of mine, I see more often. I probably go out 2 times/month. I hang out with my kid btw 5-730pm, then my husband from kid bedtime to our bedtime. Then start all over the next day. My life is very fulfilling, just very different from what it was...