Is this all there is to life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fun part of your life is over. You are going to have a few years of hassle now. suck it up.

+1

OP, you're still living like you're single, whether you think you are or not. You haven't cut the cord yet to all of those ridiculous friend/ family social commitments that you think are so important, as well as your "demanding" job.

You are married now and have a child. It's not about you living your life the way you always did. If you try to continue, this -- or worse -- will be the end result.

Lol. None of these commitments are for my family/friends. They are all on my husband's side. No one on my side sees me any more. I think people are getting the wrong impression though. These social commitments (really in law commitments) come up only once a month and often less frequently than that. It is not any one thing that makes life so hard; it is everything taken together. I cannot refuse to attend SIL's wedding because a work function ate up the one night I was going to have to myself. I can't not give DS a bath because I pulled an all nighter and am exhausted. I can't refuse to deal with DS when he is sick, so I get sick too in time for a major assignment to be due. It is everything. I am pulled in a million directions.

[Anonymous]

You have money and you have choices. Your child is not old enough to know that you resent him/her yet, but will be soon. Fix your life while you still can! Change your job, change your surroundings, work on your marriage, something. It is not supposed to suck as much as you say it does. Believe it or not many parents are actually enjoying this. But they tend to be the ones with the more flexible and relaxed lives (i.e. not the biggest jobs, short commutes, few outside commitments).

Describe your perfect life: what would be different? Would you have more time to yourself? More time with your child? A different job or surrounding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fun part of your life is over. You are going to have a few years of hassle now. suck it up.

+1

OP, you're still living like you're single, whether you think you are or not. You haven't cut the cord yet to all of those ridiculous friend/ family social commitments that you think are so important, as well as your "demanding" job.

You are married now and have a child. It's not about you living your life the way you always did. If you try to continue, this -- or worse -- will be the end result.

Lol. None of these commitments are for my family/friends. They are all on my husband's side. No one on my side sees me any more. I think people are getting the wrong impression though. These social commitments (really in law commitments) come up only once a month and often less frequently than that. It is not any one thing that makes life so hard; it is everything taken together. I cannot refuse to attend SIL's wedding because a work function ate up the one night I was going to have to myself. I can't not give DS a bath because I pulled an all nighter and am exhausted. I can't refuse to deal with DS when he is sick, so I get sick too in time for a major assignment to be due. It is everything. I am pulled in a million directions.

That's right. That's what we've been trying to tell you, but you're not listening.

You. Have. Too. Much. On. Your. Plate.

You have a husband and child now. You simply cannot keep up the demanding work schedule, plus the fantasy of "me" time, plus these numerous social obligations, etc etc, without sacrificing some of your own wants.

You are making choices about how to spend your time. Only your immediate family is non-negotiable. The rest is up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Well, while you are worried about enjoying your entitled life, or not, there are families with babies fleeing Syria and dying in horrible ways. Think of them when you wake up in your nice clean safe house, and count your blessings. It may help you on the way to being less of an ungrateful brat.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop trying to defend yourself. The board seems particularly bitter and unsympathetic tonight.

Having a baby is hard. Period.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. Soon your kid will be older, and you can introduce him to your love of backpacking and things like that. When my DS got older, we had a lot of fun together. Until then, take a few weeks off a year, travel, and leave the kid with your husband.

I did notice, though, you didn't mention your husband in your post. Doesn't he ever take the kid for a day on the weekend to let you hike?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fun part of your life is over. You are going to have a few years of hassle now. suck it up.

+1

OP, you're still living like you're single, whether you think you are or not. You haven't cut the cord yet to all of those ridiculous friend/ family social commitments that you think are so important, as well as your "demanding" job.

You are married now and have a child. It's not about you living your life the way you always did. If you try to continue, this -- or worse -- will be the end result.

Lol. None of these commitments are for my family/friends. They are all on my husband's side. No one on my side sees me any more. I think people are getting the wrong impression though. These social commitments (really in law commitments) come up only once a month and often less frequently than that. It is not any one thing that makes life so hard; it is everything taken together. I cannot refuse to attend SIL's wedding because a work function ate up the one night I was going to have to myself. I can't not give DS a bath because I pulled an all nighter and am exhausted. I can't refuse to deal with DS when he is sick, so I get sick too in time for a major assignment to be due. It is everything. I am pulled in a million directions.

You have a nanny. Review childcare tasks and see what can be done during the time she is there. There's no reason your DS must have a bath in the evening when you are exhausted. Make it an a.m. thing that the nanny handles.

[Anonymous]

What chores are you doing if housekeeper comes in a few days a week? Maybe cut down on these and get a meal service.

Is the job stressful or is it the commute. Are your skills portable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny? Houskeeper? And a husband who helps out? Be thankful for what you DO have, and MAKE time for the interests that you mentioned.

Yes, I am aware there are others who have it harder. No need to go skipping down that road. My point is to reach out to other moms. One can't really admit in real life that being a wife and mom kind of sucks.

I hear ya, OP. Sometimes being the mom super sucks---especially when you have four kids, no nanny or housekeeper, and a demanding career.

My advice is to seek out opportunities for adventure and happiness. For us, it's through daytrips or overnights on weekends and scheduling nice vacations whenever we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?

Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.

Yeah...right. I'm guessing you don't have children and you kind of regret it but you aren't sure.
Most women 40+ are happier with children and it's devastating for those that leave it too late, I've gone thru it with some friends and it's very stressful. Thankfully one of my best friends who went thru this finally did have a successful pregnancy at 42 and is soooo very happy and fulfilled with her sweet 4 yr old. However I do have a close friend who did not have children and she is very happy too, she always knew it wasn't for her (she is also mid-40s).
So don't say "OP fell for it", that's garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have a couple of issues going on here, a demanding job (which is what you chose and that's okay), a toddler (they take every bit of energy) and gazillion social commitments (totally avoidable). Now add in your desire to have ME time and there are not enough hours in the day, as a PP already mentioned, something has got to give because you can't have it all at the same time.

Start saying yes to every invitation which comes your way and make more time for yourself and your family. It is your decision.

OP, you need to make up your mind to be happy. You're lamenting your single days, but you know what you're a mom now. You obviously have the resources to travel and your kid won't always be a toddler. I think you need to toughen up a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 31 year old married mother of a toddler and I hate it. I work a demanding job that eats up a lot of my week. When I get home, it's time for chores and negotiating child care with DH. We have a housekeeper who comes a couple of times a week and we have a nanny who provides reliable care for our child. But it's still so damn hard.

In the little time I have to myself, I am trying to maintain friendships and see family and attend 50-11 engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, wedding showers, baby christenings/brises, birthday parties etc. Every time I turn around, it's some holiday that I should spend with family or they'll complain. I am also supposed to find time to network and build my visibility in my profession. Oh and DH and I haven't had sex in weeks, so time to get on that. Even vacations are stressful because the to-do list is just waiting for me and DS's sleep/nap routine gets messed up.

Is this all there is to life as a married working mother?

I remember the days when I backpacked and traveled and had interests and time for those interests. My job still sucked, but the time I had outside it was mine. I remember when I always had fun plans. I remember when I had energy. I am still slim and toned and I look put together, but I am not enjoying this life at all.

I know there are so many perfect moms on this board (whatever). For those who are not posing, however, can you relate? How do you manage so that life is not just an endless cycle of work- and chore-filled days?

Too bad you got married and had a kid so young. You certainly could have packed in another 5 years of actual living / embracing your freedom. Oh well.

So you postpone it all until 35. Assuming infertility doesn't screw you, what then? Life ends at 35?

Just don't do it. My single over 40 friends are ecstatically happy and living the good life. They travel, look great, and sleep with whoever they want. Marriage/kids is a lie society perpetuates so we'll continue to populate the earth. OP fell for it.

No, they're not.

They are doing all of those things in compensation for not having a family. Check back with them when they are 60 and let them tell you about it.

You might want to get a refund for your crystal ball there, sweetie. I don't think you have a clue about how others feel, much less an accurate insight into the future. Oh, and you might want to do a better job at hiding your own buyer's remorse. Blatant bitterness towards others is not the way to go.

This thread is nothing but the epitome of "Bed made. LIE."

We can see right through you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hang in there. Soon your kid will be older, and you can introduce him to your love of backpacking and things like that. When my DS got older, we had a lot of fun together. Until then, take a few weeks off a year, travel, and leave the kid with your husband.

I did notice, though, you didn't mention your husband in your post. Doesn't he ever take the kid for a day on the weekend to let you hike?

Yes exactly!

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Toddlers are tyrannical monsters. Older kids are so wonderful & amazing. In my experience, the hell ends at 4 and the elementary years are bliss. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - just hang in there. I'd rather have 10 ten year olds in my house than one toddler.
- Mom of a 10 year old

10 is bliss, but just wait... it gets hard again in a different way.
- Mom of three teenagers