9 year old asked how gay people have sex.. How to respond?

[Anonymous]

I would also like to say, as the PP, that I just let my 8-year old watch Pitch Perfect (a zillion times, actually). Although I groaned inwardly at the sexual talk and lyrics, it was mainly my own embarrassment. I squelched the urge to make her stop watching it (can't even recall what rating it had) and answered her q's when they came up (and they did) and even when they didn't -- for example, when I felt something that was poor behavior needed explaining and/or suggestions for more appropriate behavior or language. One example -- explaining the herpes punch line and offering the suggestion that people use condoms. How did she know what a condom was, at eight? Because when she was FIVE, she found one at the bus stop and never forgot my reaction or my hasty explanation. Thank goodness my explanation I was truthful then, because she definitely remembered it.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 9, so in third or fourth grade, is that right? What school or school system here has actual sex education in third or fourth grade? I think DC's school may have had an "our changing bodies" talk for the fourth grade girls, but nothing behind that.

Independent school, fourth grade is when they do human reproduction. Kids ask questions beyond the curriculum.

Yes, but which school? Neither of our independent schools here does this in fourth grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since there seems to be a number of people who have either a misunderstanding or no understanding homosexual sexual behavior, here is a 101. Contrary to what gay porn might suggest, fellatio is the most common form of homosexual sexual encounter. Oral sex includes oral stimulation of multiple erogenous zones including the genitals and can be performed solo (one partner to the other) or together (sixty-nine). After fellatio, the second most common form of sexual encounter is mutual masturbation which includes touching genitals, each individual servicing the other, or each individual servicing themselves. The least common form of sexual encounter is intercourse. This will include actual genital intercourse (as in male anal sex) and sex toys both frontal and dorsal.

These days with several decades of concern about sexually transmitted diseases, there is an increase in safe sexual practices. In 2007, two studies reported that the number of homosexuals who engaged in unprotected sex were similar to the number of heterosexuals who engaged in unprotected sex. Those that do engage in unprotected sex are commonly in a monogamous relationship or verify health status (DDF is commonly used to mean "Disease and Drug Free" and is commonly checked in hookup situations). But disease transmission is why the vast majority of homosexual encounters included prophylactics, sex toys and mutual masterbation.

A good starting point to learn more to discuss with your teens can be found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_sexual_practices

Oral sex and masturbation as the main events is just so...sad.

As opposed to PIV, which has a long history of just sunshine and lollipops????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since there seems to be a number of people who have either a misunderstanding or no understanding homosexual sexual behavior, here is a 101. Contrary to what gay porn might suggest, fellatio is the most common form of homosexual sexual encounter. Oral sex includes oral stimulation of multiple erogenous zones including the genitals and can be performed solo (one partner to the other) or together (sixty-nine). After fellatio, the second most common form of sexual encounter is mutual masturbation which includes touching genitals, each individual servicing the other, or each individual servicing themselves. The least common form of sexual encounter is intercourse. This will include actual genital intercourse (as in male anal sex) and sex toys both frontal and dorsal.

These days with several decades of concern about sexually transmitted diseases, there is an increase in safe sexual practices. In 2007, two studies reported that the number of homosexuals who engaged in unprotected sex were similar to the number of heterosexuals who engaged in unprotected sex. Those that do engage in unprotected sex are commonly in a monogamous relationship or verify health status (DDF is commonly used to mean "Disease and Drug Free" and is commonly checked in hookup situations). But disease transmission is why the vast majority of homosexual encounters included prophylactics, sex toys and mutual masterbation.

A good starting point to learn more to discuss with your teens can be found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_sexual_practices

Oral sex and masturbation as the main events is just so...sad.

LOLOLOL. You're definitely doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As was suggested here, providing insufficient answers will not stop the learning process until an age when the parent is more comfortable describing it...it will end up opening the door to other kinds of education that may or may not lead to your child getting accurate, unbiased info. Don't you want to take this opportunity to be the person who educates your child?
I think many of us wondered, guessed (wrongly, maybe) and then formulated views that were skewed by the media, by friends, by older siblings, by books, etc. Then, some of us carried those sometimes incorrect views into young adulthood (or longer). These bits of "knowledge" may have been attached to stigmas, biases, value judgments, and worse. So, upon learning that friends, family members, clergy, politicians, neighbors, sports heroes or other people we liked and admired were gay, then tried to unlearn some of the biased language, perhaps embarrassment or even disgust, to where we could get to a place in our heads that we once started from-- say, when we were nine.
How about saving your child years of misinformation and stereotyping and discrimination and just tell them the truth, the WHOLE truth! without embarrassment or judgment or censoring. Then, they will shrug, walk away, and it won't be a big deal. They might even tell their friends. Cool.

I love this answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since there seems to be a number of people who have either a misunderstanding or no understanding homosexual sexual behavior, here is a 101. Contrary to what gay porn might suggest, fellatio is the most common form of homosexual sexual encounter. Oral sex includes oral stimulation of multiple erogenous zones including the genitals and can be performed solo (one partner to the other) or together (sixty-nine). After fellatio, the second most common form of sexual encounter is mutual masturbation which includes touching genitals, each individual servicing the other, or each individual servicing themselves. The least common form of sexual encounter is intercourse. This will include actual genital intercourse (as in male anal sex) and sex toys both frontal and dorsal.

These days with several decades of concern about sexually transmitted diseases, there is an increase in safe sexual practices. In 2007, two studies reported that the number of homosexuals who engaged in unprotected sex were similar to the number of heterosexuals who engaged in unprotected sex. Those that do engage in unprotected sex are commonly in a monogamous relationship or verify health status (DDF is commonly used to mean "Disease and Drug Free" and is commonly checked in hookup situations). But disease transmission is why the vast majority of homosexual encounters included prophylactics, sex toys and mutual masterbation.

A good starting point to learn more to discuss with your teens can be found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_sexual_practices

Oral sex and masturbation as the main events is just so...sad.

Oral sex, especially when done by members of the same sex can be mind-blowingly good. Men know what men like better and women know what women like better.

[Anonymous]

Fascinating thread. I always thought P in A was the norm for gay male sex, hence the AIDS epidemic.

It would not have been spread so quickly with masturbation and oral sex.

Is the 36% statistic really true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fascinating thread. I always thought P in A was the norm for gay male sex, hence the AIDS epidemic.

It would not have been spread so quickly with masturbation and oral sex.

Is the 36% statistic really true?

You realize that HIV positive semen coming in contact with the soft tissues of the mouth and throat can infect a sexual partner, right? Oral sex is *NOT* safe sex. Masturbation, prophylactics, sex toys and monogamous relationships are the most common forms of safe sex to prevent cross infection.

[Anonymous]

Jeez. Okay, here's the answer that you giver your child. Are you ready? It's a loose script, so improvise as you see fit:

Child: How do gay people have sex?

Parent: Are you asking how gay people make babies?

Child: Yes, sort of. Not really.

Parent: Oh, okay, you're asking a specific question, but really there's a lot more to your question than you think. It's a very good question. And as you know, I promise that I'm someone you can come to, to ask these kinds of questions because NOTHING embarrasses me, plus I'm very smart.

Child: Mom, are you going to go on and on again? I really just want to know that one thing!

Parent: I promise, I'll get to it very quickly. But I have to give you some background first.

Child: Okay. (sigh)

Parent: As you know, when we talked about how to make a baby, we talked about sperm and ovum. Penis in vagina, sperm comes out of penis, swims up vagina, through uterus, on to...

Child: I know. We've read the book a zillion times.

Parent: Right. Well, with all that talk, I might've given you the impression that people only have sex one way, and the only do it for one reason: to make babies. But the truth is, when you're in a really good, strong, safe and romantic loving grownup relationship, most grownups have sex not to have babies, but because it is fun and feels nice. Not all sex feels nice, like if it's forced on you or if it is hurtful or harmful to your body and your heart. But if you have two grownups who love and trust and care about each other, people have sex sometimes because it feels good to that with your romantic true love.

Child: Ew.

Parent: Right. Ew. But that's the truth. So when you ask how gay people have sex, the answer is, if they're in a grown up, safe, loving and caring romantic relationship, they do sex in a way that makes them feel good and close to their partner. So that might be touching each other, kissing each other, and doing other things that feels good to their penis (if they are men) or vaginas (if they are women).

And the truth is, I can't tell you what every single gay couple does, because I'm going to guess it can be different depending on the couple; it depends on what they both like. Same for man-woman relationships in fact.

Child: Okay. I guess.

Parent: Did you hear about something specific?

Child: Mmmm, I'm too embarrassed to say.

Parent: I'm not embarrassed. Do you want to take a moment, or shall I guess what maybe you heard about?

Child: You guess.

Parent: Did you hear something about penises and butts?

Child: Yeah.

Parent: Well, I suppose that's one way, a penis in a butt. But again, that would only be something two people would do if they both felt it was okay. I would imagine lots of people think that would hurt and feel not so good, so I don't think that's what everyone would do. Even man-woman relationships, you know.

Child: Okay. Guess again.

Parent: Did you hear about maybe people using their hands or mouths on a penis or on a vagina?

Child: Yeah.

Parent: Well, that could be another way that gay or man-woman couples might have sex, too. Again, that would only be if they both thought it was okay and didn't hurt or force the other person to do something they didn't like.

Child: Okay.

Parent: I want to tell you that these are good questions. Like I said, I can't tell you what any particular couple does, because it's private between them. But if two grownups are in love, it's always something that they talk about with their partner and make sure it's completely okay with them, no matter who they are.

And, as you know, it is never okay for someone to make a child do these things. A grownup shouldn't ever do this with a child, and a child should've ever do this with another child. That is really a private thing for grownups because sex and romantic love is very big responsibility.

Child: Sometimes I've touch myself and it felt good.

Parent: That's just fine. Remember, that's private for you. You do that alone in privacy, and you're growing up and learning about yourself. That's normal and perfectly okay because it's your body and your privacy. It's personal and confidential. It's not for anyone else, not until you are a grownup and you find someone really special and you know all about birth control and being safe and healthy. Because even though it can be fun with the right person when you're a grownup, it's also a big responsibility.

Pregnancy with a girl, or germs with anyone--sometimes diseases can spread from one person to the other, so you have to know how to be careful, use things like condoms and make sure you and your partner get tested by a doctor just in case. That's for later. I can tell you all about that stuff, too, and I can get you some books you can read yourself. It's good to know. Important stuff.

Did I answer all your questions?

Child: I guess. So you're saying a man might put his penis in someone's butt?

Parent: I said the might and I said they might not. It depends. But I also said they should be grownups, close, trusting, talk about it, care about each other, and be careful not to spread or get disease, too. See? It's complicated.

Child: So the answer is yes! EWWWWW! Butts are so grossss!!!!!

Parent: Go to sleep you little monkey! And whatever you do, don't make anyone feel ashamed or bad about being gay! Being gay is not about butts, it's about who you fall into romantic love with. And romantic love is a pretty great thing with hearts and roses and hand holding, you know. It's what makes the world go round. It's why I love your dad/mom.

Child: I know.

Parent: Good night. You ask good questions. Ask more whenever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fascinating thread. I always thought P in A was the norm for gay male sex, hence the AIDS epidemic.

It would not have been spread so quickly with masturbation and oral sex.

Is the 36% statistic really true?

You realize that HIV positive semen coming in contact with the soft tissues of the mouth and throat can infect a sexual partner, right? Oral sex is *NOT* safe sex. Masturbation, prophylactics, sex toys and monogamous relationships are the most common forms of safe sex to prevent cross infection.

I hope you are not being condescending because it kind of sounds like you are.
Of course I know that the AIDS virus is spread in other ways.

The consensus in the scientific community is that anal sex is the highest risk activity that leads to HIV transmission.


AIDS spread like wildfire in the 80's because of unprotected anal sex. Therefore I am highly skeptical that <40% of gay men do not practice P in A.

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/how-you-get-hiv-aids/

[Anonymous]

**correction: that less than 40% of gay men practice anal sex**

[Anonymous]

*** should have added: the highest risk SEXUAL activity that leads to AIDS transmission**