9 year old asked how gay people have sex.. How to respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How do gay people have sex?"

Minimum disclosure: "The same way as anyone else: They kiss, hug, touch and become intimate."

Maximum disclosure: "Gay people fondle each other's genitals and may engage in oral sex." Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., coauthor of Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character, cautions: "Don't explain anal sex at this age unless they ask you pointblank. Then I would be matter-of-fact and say, 'Some men have a form of intercourse, except that instead of inserting the penis in the vagina, they insert it in the anus.'"

Agree about not bringing it up unless you're specifically asked. Doing so perpetuates the misinformation that gay sex = anal sex.

[Anonymous]

I would say, "They don't. They do other things that make them feel close to each other." But then, my definition of sex is the reproductive act.

I feel like gay sex isn't technically sex. It's more like mutual masturbation/fondling. Is it sexual in nature? Certainly. But it's not going to get anyone pregnant, and that's what sex is technically for. The fact that it feels amazing is just incentive to get us to do it. Biology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "They don't. They do other things that make them feel close to each other." But then, my definition of sex is the reproductive act.

I feel like gay sex isn't technically sex. It's more like mutual masturbation/fondling. Is it sexual in nature? Certainly. But it's not going to get anyone pregnant, and that's what sex is technically for. The fact that it feels amazing is just incentive to get us to do it. Biology.

Oh wow. You are really doing it wrong.

Also, your understanding of biology is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "They don't. They do other things that make them feel close to each other." But then, my definition of sex is the reproductive act.

I feel like gay sex isn't technically sex. It's more like mutual masturbation/fondling. Is it sexual in nature? Certainly. But it's not going to get anyone pregnant, and that's what sex is technically for. The fact that it feels amazing is just incentive to get us to do it. Biology.

You are incredibly rational. I like this way of thinking and of thinking about sex Ed.

[Anonymous]

^^I think you gave the same legal advice and sex definition to Bill Clinton. Surely there can't be more than the 2 of you who buy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^I think you gave the same legal advice and sex definition to Bill Clinton. Surely there can't be more than the 2 of you who buy that.

I was giggling about that too. Would the PP go home, after an afternoon of PIV sex with a coworker who is infertile, and tell their spouse, "I did not have sex with my co-worker!"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^I think you gave the same legal advice and sex definition to Bill Clinton. Surely there can't be more than the 2 of you who buy that.

There's more that agree with pp than you know. Wow you must be incredibly close minded! I think that is an awesome way to explain it.

I've also had some difficulty explaining gay relationships to my child because I don't fully understand it myself. It's not that I have anything against people who are gay, I just don't know enough about it to give accurate, informed explanations. As far as I know, none of my friends are gay, and none of my family members are gay. I just don't think it's as common as it's made out to be. Doesn't mean it's not a valid thing to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Why do you think this is a fake post? Sometimes DCUM comes through on good advice and I am truly unhappy with this question. It seems too early to get into how gay people have sex. I have thought about telling him that he is still too young to know. But that is probably the wrong way to go.

OP, I would answer with "Ask me again when you're older." It's not saying "No" or "You don't get to know this" and my DD is used to some conversations being for grownups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Why do you think this is a fake post? Sometimes DCUM comes through on good advice and I am truly unhappy with this question. It seems too early to get into how gay people have sex. I have thought about telling him that he is still too young to know. But that is probably the wrong way to go.

OP, I would answer with "Ask me again when you're older." It's not saying "No" or "You don't get to know this" and my DD is used to some conversations being for grownups.

Actually I think it is exactly "you don't get to know this".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We asked him why he asked. It was because another kid in the class has mentioned it during sex ed.

This sex ed must be pretty lousy if they're not being taught about sex for pleasure/intimacy.

If child is in public schools in Virginia, I promise you that it is, in fact, lousy. I've seen the curriculum. Very big on morality.

It's no better in MoCo. Kids are basically taught about how female and male bodies change through puberty. They are taught just enough information about HIV / AIDS to make them worry, but not to be better informed. The teachers are prohibited from talking about intercourse or ways in which HIV / AIDS is transmitted. It's basically Your Changing Body 101.

As with many things MCPS, we supplement at home.

I like what the minimum info / maximum info poster at 10:42 suggested. That feels like the right balance to me, depending on what specifically your child is asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Why do you think this is a fake post? Sometimes DCUM comes through on good advice and I am truly unhappy with this question. It seems too early to get into how gay people have sex. I have thought about telling him that he is still too young to know. But that is probably the wrong way to go.

OP, I would answer with "Ask me again when you're older." It's not saying "No" or "You don't get to know this" and my DD is used to some conversations being for grownups.

Actually I think it is exactly "you don't get to know this".

Nope, it's "you don't get to know this NOW". Just like my DD can ask me NOW, at age 12, about the conversation I had with her first grade teacher where I told DD to go play in the schoolyard and wouldn't tell her what it was about then. The teacher didn't want her students to know her brother had just died in the military and she was having a hard time holding her shit together. So I told DD "I'll tell you when you're older." It's all about timing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Why do you think this is a fake post? Sometimes DCUM comes through on good advice and I am truly unhappy with this question. It seems too early to get into how gay people have sex. I have thought about telling him that he is still too young to know. But that is probably the wrong way to go.

OP, I would answer with "Ask me again when you're older." It's not saying "No" or "You don't get to know this" and my DD is used to some conversations being for grownups.

Actually I think it is exactly "you don't get to know this".

Nope, it's "you don't get to know this NOW". Just like my DD can ask me NOW, at age 12, about the conversation I had with her first grade teacher where I told DD to go play in the schoolyard and wouldn't tell her what it was about then. The teacher didn't want her students to know her brother had just died in the military and she was having a hard time holding her shit together. So I told DD "I'll tell you when you're older." It's all about timing.

It shuts down the conversation NOW. Is that what you're trying to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's no better in MoCo. Kids are basically taught about how female and male bodies change through puberty. They are taught just enough information about HIV / AIDS to make them worry, but not to be better informed. The teachers are prohibited from talking about intercourse or ways in which HIV / AIDS is transmitted. It's basically Your Changing Body 101.

As with many things MCPS, we supplement at home.

I like what the minimum info / maximum info poster at 10:42 suggested. That feels like the right balance to me, depending on what specifically your child is asking.

I think it's much better in MCPS. MCPS may not provide all of the information I would like, but at least they don't provide misinformation. That is huge.

Also, Family Life isn't a one-time thing in fifth grade. They do it every year at least through middle school. Here's the eighth grade curriculum:

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/curriculum/health/middle/grade8/familylife.aspx

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We asked him why he asked. It was because another kid in the class has mentioned it during sex ed.

This sex ed must be pretty lousy if they're not being taught about sex for pleasure/intimacy.

If child is in public schools in Virginia, I promise you that it is, in fact, lousy. I've seen the curriculum. Very big on morality.

At age 9??? I don't think it needs to go beyond procreation at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We asked him why he asked. It was because another kid in the class has mentioned it during sex ed.

This sex ed must be pretty lousy if they're not being taught about sex for pleasure/intimacy.

If child is in public schools in Virginia, I promise you that it is, in fact, lousy. I've seen the curriculum. Very big on morality.

At age 9??? I don't think it needs to go beyond procreation at that age.

my nine year old asked the same question and we answered honestly. He just shrugged and walked away.